I shouldn't have, but I did, now I can't forgive myself.?

Question

This is so hard to talk about even where no one knows me. I've got to get some releif though. When I was younger i went to far with an older guy. I am still Physically a virgin. I don't feel that way. I know I did something that didn't please God and it haunts me everyday. I've prayed, and I know That I'm forgiven but I haven't forgiven myself. I was so immature when it happened and it changed me. Everything leads me back to then and I just keep repeating it in my head. I don't know how to let it go and I really need to. How can I forgive myself

Answer 1

I'm an agnostic. My mom's a die hard Protestant. We go for coffee twice a week, and she does her best to instill little gems of wisdom in me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I hold myself to a very high moral standard, all requirements from any particular religion aside. Philosophically speaking, I do my best to be a virtuous woman. Because of these standards, I often disappoint myself.

My mom said to me the other week, "Honey if you can't forgive yourself, when God has already forgiven you, that's your problem - that's your pride coming out."

Way to go mom. That really hit home. You, being an obvious theist, can possibly consider what she said in a different light than I did. If your God is a loving and forgiving God, and all that "as far as the east is from the west" stuff, who are you to still hang on to this guilt? You're completely hung up on something that your Creator forgave and forgot about years ago. Consider it in this light, let go of your pride.

*(obviously I'm not saying pride in the sense of like "Oh I think I'm AWESOME!", but in the way where you refuse to let go of something you deem infinitely important. Obviously dear, you care deeply about this. What a good woman you are, to hold yourself to such standards. I simply mean pride in this different form, what all this guilt boils down to. So please, don't take offense at all. And good luck hon.)

Answer 2

You've done something that you think isn't pleasing in the eyes of God... but that was in the past.

I say you start living your life anew NOW.. it may be hard, but the best way for you to start forgiving yourself is by accepting the fact that you have done it. Go to a quiet place and spend some time in solitude.. meditate.. pray.. ask for forgiveness from God ... turn your life around and leave the past behind... look forward to a better and brighter future ahead. Believe me, you will not be able to move forward unless you learn to leave your past behind.

I know you feel that you've fallen, but it's no good to stay on the ground. Stand up and clean the mess.. and then start walking towards your goal - with your head up once again. Once you've asked for forgiveness from God, believe that He has already forgiven you... and if God has forgiven you, why would you keep punishing yourself?

Cheer up sweetie.. life is beautiful.. and you are a special creation of God, who has a special purpose here on earth. Ask for strength from the Lord, surely, He'll be glad to give it to you. Keep this in your heart and mind, "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." And I agree... YOU CAN!!!

God bless...

Answer 3

I didn't get saved until I was 18 years old... And before that I'll just say that I didn't live the kind of life that a Christian would or should be proud of.... For a long time I kept feeling like something was holding me back and keeping God at a distance. I was shocked when I realized that it was ME. I kept going over everything in my mind and beating myself up spiritually and emotionally. You have to try understand that the sin is already forgiven and the price was paid on the cross. It's one thing to repeat that phrase, but you have to really "know" it. The devil will continue to use your own guilt against you unless you let it go... Remember we all fall short of the glory of God. Try to focus and rejoice in his mercy, forgiveness, and never ending love. He doesn't want to see you in bondage and feeling miserable over this. Feel free to send me an email if you would like to chat about this via email or elsewhere. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Well thats a hard one and the best i can do is advise you from personal experience. firstly i can say i know how you feel. the same thing happened to me a while back but in my case im the guy and the girl was the one pressing. also in my case i know im forgiven but everytime i think of it i become embarassed and hate myself for having done what i did. i feel as if i betrayed myself and God.
with this said all i can tell you is to take one day at a time and to realise that all that matters is that God loves you. you may say you know this, but i mean that only God loves us unconditionally, with all our imperfections and even we ourselves dont love ourselves like that. you also need to realise that you are not able to get over this because you feel that this one act changed you. and in your mind changed you for the worse. but thats not the case. yes it changed you but its you who has the final say as to which way it changes you- good or bad!! make it a good change by realising that you are fallible and you need God and if the one you really betrayed can forgive you- GOD- then so can you.
i really truelly hope this helps you to move forward.

Answer 5

banba above is right. God knows better than us and he forgives you, so you should forgive yourself. I know it's much easier said than done but this is the truth of it. Believe me most of us have been where you are but once you reach the point where you truly forgive yourself you are going to be so free.
Rev. 12:10-11 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven,Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.11And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
That haunting is NOT of God! Plead the blood of the Lamb and let it be done. You're question was, "How can I forgive myself?" The answer: Fully understand what Jesus did for you, then you'll understand that forgiving yourself is the least you can do for Him.
Whatever you do, DO NOT go see a priest, and I am not joking. I'll pray for you.

Answer 6

Perhaps you felt good at the time and it holds a special warmth for you still. Perhaps you cannot "forgive" yourself because, despite doing the "wrong" thing, it felt so spectacularly right. Its still with you.....and still feels nice.

But even this, m'lady, is forgivable. If you cannot manage to feel shame or remorse, understand that most real "wrongs" felt right at the time. You dont need to spit on it. Just know that your faults are small and that you are, in fact, forgiven.

Answer 7

Guilt is the spirit-killer. Besides, if you realize that God forgives you, then who are you to not forgive yourself?

Besides, where is the guy in all this? Why don't you put some of the blame on him? If he's an older guy, he should have known better.

It sounds like you need someone impartial to talk to. Someone who isn't going to add to the guilt-trip you're on, like a therapist or counselor.

Answer 8

Whatever it was I'm sure you're not the only person who did something they regret. Everyone has done something they wished they hadn't. If there is a God and he is all forgiving like the experts tell us, then don't worry about it.

If you don't go around killing people like all these terrorists do than how bad can it be?? Move on!

Answer 9

I have to gather from your question that you belong to a church that doesn't enjoy physical pleasures. The same God that you adhere to gave you pleasure points as well. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If God meant for you not to enjoy physical pleasures, why are you built the way you are. Relax , enjoy life and all it has to offer. It is the structure of the church and their rules that are making you feel guilty. They tend to stress the negative things to the exclusion of pleasurable ones. Funny how some branches of christianity only deal with the wrath of God, while others, rejoice in Him. Be true to yourself and others.

Answer 10

I can empathize with your situation. I too have done many things in my past that have caused me great shame and disappointment. The only thing that you can do to make yourself feel better is to forgive yourself. God forgives us immediately for the things that we ask him to forgive us for. He puts them out of his mind and sight once he has forgiven us. If he no longer holds you accountable for your past sins, then it is up to you to accept that forgiveness, forgive yourself, and move on. Shame is the Devil's tool and he will continue to plaque you with it if you allow him too.
Ask yourself this, if Almighty God forgives me and forgets my indiscretion then who am I to continue to hold on to it?
You are forgiven, now forgive yourself.