Is it wrong to feel this way?

Question

I love my 3 year old daughter and my husband very much - I would never leave them. For a while now though, I've been feeling traped in a situation that I don't want to be in, i.e. I don't want to be a mum and sometimes I don't want to be a wife. I think about having a holiday on my own but I know as soon as I walk out the door I would feel guilty and would miss them both. I feel like I'm being over-dramatic but the feelings are very intense and real (sometimes I feel like I want to die) - why? I don't know what's wrong with me - why am I not content? Why can't I accept what I have, that's it's good and just get on with it? Has anyone else felt like this? What did you do to get over it?

Answer 1

I feel strongly that you will have to be guided by your positive feelings, and not by your negative feelings.
Your love for your daughter and your husband, and the fact that you cherish being with them are the positive feelings that really matter. They are the emotions that reflect your human compassion and companionship.
That you, at times, don't feel like being a mother or a wife are the negative feelings. I am sure it is not the motherhood or the wifehood that distresses you, for these are roles that you assumed through conscious choice. These are merely passing, though irritating, feelings. They mirror a restlessness whose cause resides in your own self. This restlessness, I presume, is made up of voids that seem to represent a sense of futility, lack of self-worth, inertia or even lack of imagination. You need to fill those voids and make them disappear. If I am right in my assumption of the nature of these voids, then the answer is simple. You need to expend your energies constructively and joyfully. I intuitively feel that you are an energetic individual. Even listening to music or reading a book or pursuing a craft can be a wonderful way of expending energy. These are activities that are soothing and absorbing, and can be creative, too. Inspired, you may write and compose a song, jot down your thoughts and reflections, and become more expert at a particular craft. Of course, there are many other ways of involving yourself. You know better than anyone what interests you. The idea is to lose oneself, in a sense, in another world and enjoy a variety of experiences. And, your discoveries could make for a lovely sharing and discussion with your husband, and with your friends whom you meet in person or online.
There is no need to feel strange and guilty, no need to assume that there is something wrong with you. You have a lot more positive substance in you than you know. Feel with yourself, discover yourself and relate to those elements that lie dormant in you. Liberate them and employ them with joy and abandon. You may or may not become a successful poet or writer or craftsperson, but you will certainly become a contented human being, grateful to all that you have. With all the love that you have, not just for your husband and daughter, you will achieve that easily. My best wishes for that happening very soon.

Answer 2

What you have IS good, but that doesn't mean you don't need a small break from it every now and then to be your own person just for a little while. I don't think it's a matter of discontent or being ungrateful on your part because you know what you have is good and (usually) makes you happy.

It is not wrong nor should you feel guilty about taking a couple days for yourself. See if you can make arrangements for your husband or a relative to care for your child while you take a much needed 'mental health' break! Take a little time for you to be YOU - not just someone's wife and someone's mom... and when you get back, your attitude towards your family will be better all around.

Answer 3

I think that we all feel like this sometimes,it might not be the fact that you feel trapped by your family,but maybe you feel trapped by the same old routine everyday.I know i do at least once a week,he he.Why don't you take your family and go or do something different,It doesn' have to a 2 week foreign holiday,not everyone can afford it,even a weekend away somewhere away from lifes old routines,i love to get away to the beach with my daughter and hubbie.Nothing calms stress better than sitting beside the sea.Or if that's too boring go to a funfair or just jump on a train and pick somewhere that you've never been to before.Believe me,when you get home you will feel all the better for it,and you won't feel guilty because you brought your family with you.Hope this helps.

Answer 4

A holiday on your own or with some girlfriends may not be a bad idea. Time on your own and away from feeling crushed by family will be good. You can take a 3 day break and not feel TOO much regret.

Does your husband now you feel? Tell him. Communicate with him. It's not fair to either one of you to just hold this in. It sounds like you're a stay-at-home mom. Can you go out and have some time to yourself each week? Set up a play group with other mothers and just relax.

It sounds like you're overwhelmed with being so many roles with potentially little support.

If you feel like you need to die sometimes, there's no shame in talking with a professional.

Answer 5

Yes - I have felt like that! Quite often. There's a lot of women who feel the same. Maybe it is our conditioning that we should have more in our lives. Also, it can be boring.
The secret is to do what women ahve always done - make friends. Are you a stay at home mother? Do something out of the home.
Also, try and count your blessings. Your daughter is healthy and well. She deserves a good mother. Your husband loves you, isn't cheating on you. Your life might be in a rut - well, that's another word for boring. What's not boring? Cheating husband,sick children,homeless, being abused etc etc.
Would you really swap your life for a more negative one? Of course not. Buty reality is that to have a peaceful life we need to be on an even keel. And we're not used to it.
Do something fun today. Go and see a show with your husband. You can control this feeling.

Answer 6

You need to rekindle the romance and/or find the joys of being a parent. If not a holiday would be a great idea. Tell your husband and he should really try to help you out, take on more chores giving you a break and maybe taking you out for a romantic dinner? Sex is always a good starter too. Or go get some good new drugs from your doctor but i do not recommend that.

There is no shame is running away either, look at Forrest Gump - he ran and ran and made millions! But then again he does lose the one he always loved and misses her so much....

Answer 7

you poor thing you sound very unhappy.The most important thing is to talk to your husband-tell him you need to do things alone, even if its just one evening a week.You clearly love them both and are just feeling a bit suffocated by the responsibilties of being married and a mother.You could also be suffering from post-natal depression-doesnt have to happen when the childs still a ababy.
I have a partner and 17 month old and i sometimes feel like this too, its boring being a mum sometimes and you need to get out and be a woman once in a while.I go out with my mates once every two weeks or so and it makes me feel so much happier.
If youre not working maybe find a job so you can do your own thing in the day and meet new people-not worry, things will get better and if you talk to your bloke im sure he'll help you all he can.Good luck sweetie

Answer 8

You know, I don't have any children, but I do have a husband whom I love very much and I too have been feeling like this, so I went away for 2 months. First I felt guilty, but then great. If I were you I would go on that holiday and leave that guilty feeling at home. At the end of the day you and how you feel is important too, not only other people.
That's my cure
K

Answer 9

I'm wondering if your sole job is to look after your house and daughter and if you dont have time for yourself. It sounds as if your personality has been submerged in your new roles of wife and mum and you don't really feel like you are a worthwhile special person in yourself. Maybe you do work and this is just another stress on your life.

I think that whether you work or stay at home you need to do something to redirect your energies into yourself. You need to feel special and still feel like a woman in order to feel "normal".

I reccomend you have some "ME" time. It may be a holiday, a hobby or even a weekend away somewhere. You need to have something just for you.

Dont feel guilty pet because it is so much better for your daughter if you are a happy positive role model who she sees getting on with her life.

And bye the way, whatever anyone else says, it's completely normal to feel this way.

Answer 10

I'm surprised you feel this way so soon. I've been dogged by such feelings since before I turned 40. The dreadful crush of "is this it? Is that all there is?''.
I'm like you. I know anybody else would look at my life and envy me but at times, I wish I could go to sleep and just never wake up. Most of the time. I don't know what the point is. If only i could get some kind of injection to innoculate me to the ordinariness of it all. No, I haven't go over it. I'm trying but I haven't.

Answer 11

It sounds like you need a vacation and some more "you" time to yourself. Too much time with people can wear you out. Try going on a nice trip for the weekend and just enjoy yourself with your friends and come back and see how things are then. You should be a committed mother though its hard to accept you'll soon realize how much you care about them both. Good Luck! :)