Can i Have some nice funny Jokes?

Question

im so depressed.i want to take myself relaxed

Answer 1

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Answer 2

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


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Answer 3

After extensive and expensive studies a Mexican scientist just discovered that people with in sufficient brain and sexual activity read the jokes/ riddles in YA with their hands on the mouse.
Don’t bother to remove your hand, it is too late now.

Answer 4

Kaun Banega Karodpathi:

A. Bachan: Your last question for 1 Cr.
What is your father's name?

Santa Singh: Laughs.

A. Bachan: Why are you laughing?

S. Singh: You did not give the options.

Answer 5

A man walked into the doctor's office with two black eyes. the doctor asked, what the hell happened to you?

man: a woman in front of me at church punched me in the eye for grabbing her ***.

Dr: why did you do that?

man: her dress was stuck in her crack, so I pulled it out for her. But, when I did that, she turned around and punched me in the eye.

Dr: well, I understand but what happened to the other eye?

man: Well, after she punched me I thought that maybe she wanted her dress stuck in that way. So, I tucked it back in....

Answer 6

well, sorry 4 u but hope after subscribing here, you wont get bored again!