Being agnostic makes me suicidal...what can I do to sway one direction or the other?

Question

99% of the time, I think the Bible, the idea of God and Jesus is stupid. I have too many questions (i.e caveman, incest, heaven, people in Africa will go to Hell even though they have never even heard of Jesus, God sending floods etc.) . But then that 1% of me really wants to believe in God more than anything. I want it so much, it hurts. I really want to commit suicide sometimes because I'm so overwhelmed (other areas of my life, too). I don't know what to do. I was happier being 100% atheist. But this summer, through an internship, I was "blessed" with three amazing people. They opened up my eyes to God. I mean, I had thought about God and Jesus before, but never like this. They really touched my life, and sometimes I think that if God does exist, this is His message to me. I am so alone and lost. I've been suicidal for quite some time, but since I've "converted" to agnosticism, I worry that I will go to Hell and that's the only reason why I haven't done it.

To those who have mentioned it, I have tried reading the Bible and going to church. But I feel like those are pushing me away from God sometimes..

Answer 1

I'm glad you have found a reason to hang on. So is God. But He would like you to get some help.

Then along with some counselling perhaps you could do some other searching.

Visit a couple of different churches. Episcopalian, (Or Anglican if you are Canadian) Baptist, whatever works for you. There are so many styles of worship to choose from and none of them are wrong. Visit as many as you want or are drawn to.

Think about what style of worhip you would feel comfortable with. Things like style of music, whether you would like to have a male or female pastor to talk to, whether you want a big congregation where you can meet lots of people or a small one where you get to know everyone.

Once you figure out what you are looking for in a church you will find it. Then make some time to talk wiht the pastor. S/he will understand that you will have more questions than answers. And a good pastor is cool with that. And will not try to shove their way of thinking down your throat. The one that I am working with now is like that. She doesn't expect me to believe everything or accept everything at once. She lets me move at my own pace.

Because that is how God and Jesus expect it to be for you.

The book I have attached is a really cool one. The author speaks in plain language and doesn't preach. He doesn't have all of the answers either. His was one of the first Christian titles I ever read. If you see one of his books somewhere you might find it helpful because he talks about Jesus like he is a guy you would meet walking in your neighbourhood.

But please get some therapy too. See a doctor about medication. God wants you to be happy.

Answer 2

I think you may need to seek some kind of counseling. That doesn't mean you're crazy or a bad person or disturbed. It means you may need some help getting things sorted out.
It's your choice, of course.
You are not an atheist, probably never were one, because atheists generally don't have doubts about what they don't believe. When you thought you were an atheist you were most likely an agnostic.
You don't know what your values are and you need to find out.
I'm a Christian. I have been an agnostic. I believe in the existence of God, but am reasonably open-minded about some of the stories in the Bible.
I believe God loves me and wants me to love myself, and I also think God loves you and wants you to be happy and to love yourself.
You may be able to find this on your own--I was fortunate enough to be able to--but it is also very possible you may need help.
God does not want you to go to hell. The Big Guy in the Red Suit with a Pitchfork may want you there, but God would much rather have you with him in eternity. And God pretty much understands us and what we go through.
Don't commit suicide. Being in doubt is not a good reason and there are no good reasons I can imagine. Even if I were terminally ill and in pain I would want to hold onto as much of my life as I could as long as I could.
By the way I am a 65-year-old man, divorced and re-married. I have raised five sons. I now have three grandsons. When I was in my first marriage I was very unhappy and that was probably the time I would most likely have considered either murder or suicide, but I didn't do it because I knew it wouldn't be the right action under any circumstances.
My life right now is no picnic. I have problems you wouldn't believe. But I want to go forward with my life and I will. I won't let God and the others that love me down.
And neither should you. If you need to, get some professional help.
By the way, Jesus loves you and so do I. Don't destroy something we love.

Answer 3

You are on your way. My dear why not just believe the Bible and read it for yourself.What you describe from these people that touched your life is His message to you. Listen you will go to hell unless you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that He died for your sins. At least give it a try. But better yet, believe it with all of your heart. The Lord God Almighty is the only one that will give you true peace in your heart. I love you and I know that God loves you and He cares about you and He is not willing that any should die, but that all should come to repentance.

Let me tell you this also that people in Africa have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ and many have turned to Him with all of their heart. I will tell you that the Word of God is true and one simple reason I know it is is that I have been to Israel 10 times and have seen the place were many of the things happened including the place where Jesus was buried, and rose again. The tomb is empty. He is not there for He is risen and He is pleading with you. Please don't shun the Holy Spirit convicting power from your life or you will never be able to overcome you suicidal tendencies and you will not be truly fulfilled.

You might want to try a good church. That way you can get some help and gain some new friends.

Answer 4

Why don't you study some of the objective and historical studies done on the bible, the times of Gospels and the true historical Jeshua (Jesus wasn't his name). It only takes a small amount of study to see that most of what is portrayed about Jeshua are lies, made up by early christians who had a vested interest in promoting the myth. Jeshua was a visionary Jew. Judaism was his religion and he never claimed to be a god or demigod. He never worked any miracles, except exorcisms (which were not miraculous) and certainly never rose from the dead. The Bible both the old and New testament are full of self contradictions, errors and revisions. For example YHWY is hebrew for the deity that William Tinsale (the 1st translator of the Bible to english) translated mistakenlty into Jehovah. Judaism and Christianity are supposed to have one God but YHWY is a Cannanite God who existed long before the Jews did and is part of a large pantheon. His father was El and his mother who became his consort is the goddess Asherah. This is archaeological fact. Why waste your time with the pointless rituals of Christianity. It is irrational, and promotes violence racism and hatred. I'm an agnostic I don't not believe in God, it is too diffficult a question to answer. but the Jewish Christian and Islamic religions are just pathetically silly. They are for people who cannot face up to the reality of their own mortality and would rather delude themselves all their lives to pie in the sky when you die.

Answer 5

Ask, and it will be give to you.
Seek, and you will find.
Knock, and the door will open.


Do a little experiement w/ yourself. Apparently NOT believing in God is getting you nowhere. You have no hope. Now try believeing in God. Give his promises a look-see. Study the bible, pray to Him, and ask for your faith to be increased. Find a church that preaches from the bible and learn from the people there. Many have the same questions as you. But many folks are OK w/ not being able to wrap their brains around dinosaurs, did Cain & Abel commit incest, and other issues. All that comes in time. And in time you learn that God can be trusted, and that we dont' have to have the answers right now, today, to those tough questions.

It sounds like you are being pursued by God. What a wonderful thing. He will not leave you out there in athiesm or agnosticism!! He wants nothing more that to reveal himself to you and have fellowship w/ you, his beloved. So let him catch you. :-)

Oh, and the only way you'll go to hell is to avoid God. He made a way to save you, his son, Jesus. Just believe Jesus died for your sins. Believe it in your heart and say it with your lips, and you'll be saved. It all boils down simply to that.

And look, there is no "secret knowledge" out there. There is only Truth and lies. God is Truth, and the rest is a pack of lies. Athiests try to tell you to do it on your own, to have faith in yourslef, to "feel it in yoru heart" and you'll gain deeper knowledge of some mystical nature. Baloney. You know there is a God, and he's calling your name. Answer him.

I'll be praying for you!

Answer 6

Look, if you are worried about "hell" and stuff and it's making you depressed and want to believe, then do so. There is nothing wrong with believing if it's for you (this coming from someone who never was or will be a believer). It is your life and if you need it, go for it. Just please don't be one later to come back and put others down as being "heathens" and that you are better and saved. ; )

It is also possible to be "spiritual" without having to be within an organized religion. Agnostic is the one that leaves "maybe there is" open...and it's fine to go with that. It's up to you to decide what you do and don't believe. Maybe you will decide some things feel right, and maybe other things don't feel true. Maybe you will decide there is a higher power of some sort, but not necessarily what any formatted religion says it is or how it is. Plenty of people are "spiritual" without following any certain religion, they form their own ways and find their own connection, and it's possible you might be meant to be one of them.

Answer 7

Maybe "God" and "Religion" arent the same thing.

If you really long for God, then look for him.

If you want to find God, you have to know God for yourself. Other peoples ideas may point the way, but ultimately, the answer must be found in your own heart and soul.

Wouldent you agree that the way you feel now, you are already in "hell"?

And dont you want to find God because you know God is Good?

Lots of people are religious, but they dont know God. The just have lots of ideas that they believe are true.

You will only know what is true and what is not if you seek the Truth yourself.

Some people say to find God, ie "The Truth" is the purpose of life.

Perhaps you left religion, because your heart told you that the answers you needed couldent be found there. But that doesnt mean that they cant be found, it just means you have to keep looking.

Ill tell you a secret. Most people that really want to find God, really dont feel at home in this world. And ill tell you somthing else, people that FIND God, feel even LESS at home in this world.

But thats OK, because if you find God, in your heart, in your Soul, then you might find you really dont need anything else, that you dont care if you live or die, that you dont care if you feel at home in the world, or not, that you dont care if you have the answers or not, because God is the only the that really matters.

:-)

Answer 8

You're not agnostic if you're "not sure" about God. Agnosticism is a stance that says it is not possible to know whether or not God exists. You are in what you might call a "crisis of faith" about Atheism. This is how religion works. Some nice people who appear to be devout and sane tell you about this wonderful gift that they want to bring you. It's very tempting and appealing. Will you be tempted? This is a test of your Atheism. Pass and you gain access to the knowledge of the universe. Fail and you will be sucked into the morass of religious mumbo jumbo.

God is a lovely concept. Wouldn't it be nice if he existed? Wouldn't everything be hunky dory? I agree that the idea of God is very appealing, but that doesn't make it OK to become a Christian. Faith is not a conscious process. This is why people who have faith are perfectly sincere about it. They don't know that they have been lied to or are lying themselves. If you don't feel it within yourself, then you have to ask, why is that? I wish you luck on your journey.

Answer 9

a) fear of Hell (or anything) is not a good reason to believe much of anything.

b) stop trying to gain self-confidence from a particular belief system. get some hobbies. embark on a career path. find things you love to do. whether you become an atheist or an avid christian, your personal problems are not going to be solved by extreme logic or extreme faith.

c) there are more religions out there than those dealing with god and jesus. explore buddhism or other eastern religions that provide a message of ethical behavior and love, without all the excessive worshipping of vague omnipotent figures in the sky.

Good luck!
-an atheist

Answer 10

It wouldnt hurt to start asking the questions you have. If you sit and dwell on them and get no answer, then how will you be swayed either way? If you have a question partaining to Jesus, ask a Christian. They wont all have an answer but there's a lot that do or can help you find it. If you ask an atheist or agnostic about something they know nothing about (God for example) you will get the "He doesn't exist" answer. There are billions of Christians out there, start asking why they believe.