I just spanked my kid and sent him to bed?

Question

He's 5 and was being a jerk all night. Finally he told me he was going to get a hammer and hit me in the head with it. I blew up at him! I told him never to talk to anyone like that and spanked his a$$ and sent him to bed. Am I a bad father? I feel like a complete sh(t now. :((

Answer 1

Discipline is discipline, but it sounds like you did it out of anger, not for correction. That's probably why you feel awful now. And no matter how he was acting, he will have sensed that you did what you did not out of justice, but out of anger.

I would say you should go talk to him before he goes to sleep, and admit that you did what you did out of anger. Explain to him why you were angry (his hours long tirade) and that you should have been firmer with him throughout the night rather than letting your anger build up, but that you want to apologize to him for combining discipline with anger.

This is not discounting the inappropriateness of his behavior; you can still take this opportunity to talk to him about that. But in the end, you will earn more respect for the future if you repair the emotional wedge you created this evening.

Answer 2

You are not a bad father by no means at all. The only ones that are going to think that is the ones that don't believe in spanking kids. You did the right thing, I wish more parents were like you than there are. If you had not spanked him, he would have thought that he got away with it and would try something else. While he is this young, you do need to nip it in the bud right now, or you might be sorry that you didn't. Good work dad, keep it up!!!!!

Answer 3

Bad father? Well, not Father of the Year, but I can understand your frustration. However, you did exactly what he said HE was going to do -- physically hurt another person.

First of all, he should not have been allowed to be a "jerk all night". He is more than old enough to understand acceptable and unacceptable behavior and the consequence for each. And the consequences for inappropriate behavior have to be catastrophic.

There are several great books out there about positive parentlng skills......

but, in a momma's opinion -- he was probably wanting some attention. And he got it, it was just negative attention. Make it a point to show him that he's valued -- you would be amazed how 20 minutes of your undivided attention will increase his good behavior -- play a game, get down on the floor and play dinosaurs with him, color a picture together, put together a 100 piece puzzle .

Answer 4

We all do things that makes us feel like Sh(ts now and then, so don't be too hard on yourself.

As soon as you can, explain to him that you were hurt by his words about getting a hammer and hitting you on the head and you really didn't mean to spank him. You are sorry but he has to understand that it was his words that you didn't like and just as he didn't like the spanking which you shouldn't have done, you didn't like his threat, which he shouldn't have done.

Then, tell him you are sorry again and ask him if he can please say he is sorry for his words as well. Then open your arms for a hug...he'll probably run right into them.

For further disciplinary actions? Create together, a Happy/Sad face chart. This can be for just the child or for the child and the parent. Each time the child does something well, listens or picks up after himself etc...he gets a happy sticker, if he acts up or says unkind things...he gets a sad sticker. At the end of the month, or week whichever you choose as the cut off, if there are more happy than sad stickers he gets a special reward such as an ice cream or a longer time at the park to play. If he has more sad stickers, he has to skip a story at bedtime for the number of nights he had the bad stickers (ie 3 bad stickers equals 3 nights no story read).

He can also give you the parent good and bad stickers however little ones tend to get a little carried away with this and sometimes parents end up with tons of bad and very little good stickers :)

This happy sad thing worked extremely well for all of my kids except I went for the month and paid hard cold cash, 25 cents per happy face and reduced by 25 cents per sad face...got expensive with 5 on the go but it was worth it. We have never spanked our kids, had time outs or other punishments, the chart was our key.

We also used to provide our kids with fifty cents or so (when small) coins easy enough for them to hold throughout the shopping trip, just before we went into a store to shop. The deal was that if they were well behaved while we shopped, they'd get to spend their money on anything they wanted to...if it was an item that cost a few dollars more, we covered the extra but they got to feel that the reward at the end was worth the behavior. Very few times did we get our money back from them :) and they loved going shopping! People always remarked what "lovely" children we had and so well behaved...ahhhh, parental bribes...er...secrets :)

May or may not work for you depending on how you operate it, how you stick to it and how stubborn your little one actually is.

Answer 5

Hmm, threatening dad with a hammer? You calling him a jerk? You didn't just spank him, you spanked his a$$? He's a whopping 5 yrs old and you "Blew" up at him? I'm doubting you are going to be the winner for the parent of the year award. You should feel bad, but not just about tonights incident. Children act out what they know, what they learn from their parents. If you don't like the way he behaves, change your behavior. You can't punish him for the very things you've taught him.

Answer 6

You aren't a bad father. You had a frustrating day with him and he got on your last nerve. That's not the best time to spank, but it doesn't mean you are a bad dad. Just go in and talk to him, now that you have cooled off. Tell him that you shouldn't have yelled (really no need for that, you can calmly correct and spank without the anger) but that what he said was completely unacceptable, and that you don't ever want him to threaten anyone again. Then give him hugs and kisses and smile at him. Then let it go. Don't let it effect the way you treat him tomorrow.

Answer 7

No you are not a bad father at least you are correcting his inappropriate behavior now rather than later like some of these "part time let's be friends" parents you were plenty patient with him and when he clearly crossed a line you took the appropriate corrective measure. The only thing I would do for my own personal edification which would be to get the child to verbally articulate why was he punished that will tell you that you did the right thing and I am more of a hit you and then you can go stand in the corner kind of guy myself or hold books whoo nothing more fun the fussin at 'em while they hold books hey if you gotta punish you're kids might as well make it fun for you and memorable for them so they dare not make that mistake again.

Answer 8

Well there were probably a few better ways to handle the situation but overall it sounds like there's been a basic lack of discipline with this child all along.

Personally I save the spankings for the "major" infringements....usually things that will cause bodily harm for example...... playing with an axe after being told once to put it down it wasn't a toy......running out on the road.....

Anything else is usually losing a privilege or the time out chair or both...

If they have a particular toy or game they like to play...warn them once about their behavior then if they keep it up....they lose it for a day or a week

If they love a particular television show..... warn them once about bad behavior then they don't get to watch their show for a day or a week.

Every child has their "currency" you just have to figure out what your child's is..what do they value the most and what will hurt them the most to lose...

Then be consistent with the discipline.....don't YELL...that escalates the situation but tell and I do mean TELL not ASK them ONCE to stop what they are doing that is unacceptable and if they don't be fair, firm and consistent and either put them on the time out chair for 1 minute for each year of their age or take away a privilege.....after a week they'll catch on d@mn fast and you'll probably never have to go past the TELLING them stage.

Answer 9

I am 24 years old. I was spanked when I was a kid. There is nothing wrong with spanking you kid. The problem is the parents who don't spank their kids. Spanking is on the a$$ or hands no where else. I say good for you. Maybe he will learn to be better next time. With out punishment kids walk all over their parents and you end up with 13 year olds robbing people and stabbing people. There is a limit, but spanking is fine.

Answer 10

It is always best to not spank/hit in anger. We all make mistakes. Kids will definitely test us. He does clearly need discipline, but it seems he is definitely trying to get your attention by acting out in negative ways. If you can figure out why and address the root of the problem, you can maybe work toward preventing incidents like this in the future. You are the adult. Keep control. Discipline, yes. Hurt, no. Just have a good talk with him in the morning. Give him lots of love. Let him know you hated he pushed you to that point. Apologize for spanking him in anger. ...but calmly address with him your expectations of him for the future and what the consequences will be if he does not comply. Then, the next time he pushes you like that, you'll already have a plan thought-out and in place to help you keep calm and keep the control in the situation.

Answer 11

Nope...you aren't being a bad father. You are being a good father. Just let him know in the morning that even though you spanked him and even when you are mad at him, you will always love him. Ask him if he knows why he got a spanking. If he doesn't answer, just talk him through why you did it and how you don't like spanking him, but that he needs to be good. If he's good, he won't get spankings.