What is wrong with me?

Question

I have this personal issue with myself that I think is immature, unfair and greedy. I found out one of my friends is pregnant, it made me really mad and jealous. Also any one of my friends that get good paying job i get the same feelings. This isnt fair to them and I dont like feeling this way. I come from a really bad childhood where I had nothing to now where i have things i am proud of and it seems like if anyone reaches the same level as me i get jealous...why? As for the baby thing....i have endometriosis which may make it hard for me to have a baby in the future so when i hear someone is pregnant i get really sad too. Is this what you call frienvy?? THis is horrible and i dont want to think this way. ANy ideas? No idiot remarks pls

Answer 1

Perhaps when someone raises to where you are, you get jealous because of how hard you worked to get there and what you went through. Or maybe you just want to be on top and not be on the bottom or with anyone else, like being on a pedistal.

For pregnancy, I think you feel the way you do because you might have a problem having children. If being a parent is something you look forward and you want one of your own, then this could be emotionally painful for you.

Here's a good thing though: You're admitting your faults. You know it's wrong and you're a good enough friend that you know it's not fair to have these feelings towards those you care about. I'm not sure how one would go about fixing this, but someone else on here might have a few ideas.

Peace & Best

Answer 2

I understand. You should feel happy, but yes you have a little jealousy. Well, first being a young mom is great, but quite honestly, dealing with the teen is really really really hard and can be so exhausting you may not even make it through it. A lot of parents give up on their teens, so don't feel bad about the child thing. Relax and remember if it happens it happens. If it doesn't there are a lot of other options out there. Including fostering! You of all people should know how badly children from bad childhoods need someone to look forward to seeing. As far as the good things, it's like you are in a game and you're at the top and they are catching up and that scares you. It's ok...learn some breathing strategies and get a therapist. It's so "in" right now and you'll learn alot.

Later.

Answer 3

there is nothing wrong with you. You just had a bad childhood so maybe seeing other people reach the same level as you, you feel that once people reach a level higher than you, you may go back to how your life was before, and that is somewhere you don't want to be anymore. Being jealous is not un-natural, we all get that every now and then. For women to be able to have children is a true gift and to know that you may not be able to do that in your own life can be hard to deal with. Maybe you can talk to your friends and tell them how you feel. You can always participate in their children's lives when they are born. You can help your friend out when she needs a babysitter, buy the child gifts as he/she grows, stuff like that. if you really want to have children, you can consider adoption. Good luck.

Answer 4

Maybe other poeple's success threatens you, not just makes you envious. If you came from little or nothing, (which I did too) other people experiencing joy or success can seem like thay are "taking the success" available from your hands or reach, or getting there first and not giving you a chance, etc. Like, they're using it all up and leaving no good luck for you. Silly, but a possibility. It could be scaring you.
A solution? It's a sense of trust and self-empowerment. Maybe you never learned to feel powerful because without resources, you werent very strong. Do yuo have more resources now? Can you create them or make them come to you now? If so, then you have power where you didnt have it before. If you have plenty or enough in your life now, and assuming its because of your own efforts, then you still should realize that because of your capacities you have also experienced success.
If other poeple have helped you reach this point, that could have eroded your confidence.

Prove something to yourself by setting out on a goal, and accomplishing that or achieveing a success. Do comething challenging and feel the reward of it, that you earned what you recieved, and maybe it'll 'click' in your head that you make it possible and that there is no such thing as other people posing a threat to your own capacity, no matter how little you once had, or even now have- because sucess is not resources, but self-empowerment.

Answer 5

Honestly it sounds like you have some unresolved anger issues from your rotten childhood that perhaps a couple of sessions with a counsellor could help you better understand.
I have to wonder myself if some of it isn't just really low self esteem on your part...you probably felt you were never good enough as a child and so now when your friends achieve things you still feel like you aren't measuring up in "society's eyes" instead of your parent/guardian(s) eyes now.

I think if you learn to just be happy with YOU and who you are RIGHT NOW in this moment, and focus more of the things that you HAVE achieved instead of the ones you haven't it might help. Kids aren't the be all to end all, and just because you may not be able to "procreate" doesn't mean you can't have children. You may meet a man that already has some, you may adopt, you could have foster children, Big Sisters or Big Brothers...there's all kinds of options out there if you REALLY want to be involved with kids!

Answer 6

I'm sorry for your suffering. Life is tough for a lot of us. My first answer would be to be happy with what you have, but there's little comfort in such a response. Fighting battles with friends down the road over as you try to find your own talents will not provide any positives (though may help to vent the frustration!)

It's very good to be proud of your own accomplishments. Hard work is really the only thing that matters. If you think about it, havig a baby (as an act in itself) doesn't really involve that much imho. Being jealous too is fine, just don't let it consume you, it will lead to depression. I find physical activities is the best way to relieve stress and feel good.

Answer 7

Do I know you? Your story sounds just like an old friend of mine from college, although I have no idea if she has the same feelings you do.

Seriously...I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It sounds like a natural reaction to your situation. I can see how a person who feels like she/he has nothing can feel bad when he/she sees other people with desirable things.

However, I also agree that your jealousy doesn't make sense. Your friends' achievements in no way take away from yours. If anything, it shows how far you've come. People who are achievers often prefer to spend time with achievers. If your friends are achievers, you probably are, too.

It sounds like you've already taken the hardest step to resolving the issue. You recognize that you need to deal with your jealousy. Now all you have to do is reframe your situation in your own mind.

I admire people who can walk out of a tough childhood and make something of themselves. It isn't easy. Kudos to you for having done so. I'm sure you deserve everything you have.

Answer 8

Your feelings come from your bad childhood and you should be proud of the path you travelled on to get to be the person you are now. There is no need to be jealous, you probably need to work on your self-esteem, Just by being aware of your immaturity is a good start. You are who you are, and another person is who she is, and her background is different, her experiences different, her motivation different, Just think positive dear heart and concentrate on being happy with what you worked hard to get and achieve. Be proud of it and love yourself for it. Other people may have more problems than you have. Rejoice with them for that child that is coming. He may be very important in your life when you get older. That happens you know?...One of my friends do not have any children but many children find a "mother" in her. And now some of them find a wonderful loving grand'ma.! Her friends became her family because she never married and her only sister lives very far away ! At age 85, her family keeps growing and growing and she never had one child of her own!
I am one of them for the last 45 years of friendship. Does that help in understanding your personnal issue ?. I hope so.

Let the sun shine in dear heart ! And it will expand around you.

Joy, peace and love to you.

Answer 9

You are already answering your own question in the sense that you can pinpoint things you consider wrong. It should be as easy as to get a special iron to get the wrinkles out of your mental fabric. Basically what I see is something of remnant low self esteem or even inferiority complex. For instance in the fact you mention that you compare to others for what you don't have, where you likely know that people connect on basis of what they share. The best thing you already do is that you feel bad that you can have such thoughts towards others/friends, but you don't justify them because of your bad childhood and your condition. I do however think that they feed those thoughts of yours.

To solve this you could try to honestly tell your friends that you have such thoughts and they may lend a helping hand there, or seek counseling which could give you the iron to wrinkle things out.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

Actually,almost everyone could get a feeling like you.
I myself sometimes are extremely jealous,and I am overjoyed when others are happy and lucky.

The only way to relieve the emotion is to try to develop a concept that people are born to serve for others and the whole world. Besides,you can spend time getting some information about poor people in Africa and Asia,which can distracts your attention from your friends.

Everybody has his or her own happiness and sorrows.
I am sorry to hear that you have difficulty in being pregnant. But you should know that you are generally lucky.