Can I help my daughter turn her life around or is it too late?

Question

My daughter lived with her dad for about 5 years between the ages of 10 and 15 yrs old. Her dad has a girlfriend who has no car, no drivers lisence, no job and basically sits at home all day, plays solitaire,watches soaps and that is about it. My daughter caught on to this crap. She graduated from high school in May and moved in with her 25 yr old boyfriend. She just vanished one Friday and wrote me a note saying she would be happier with him. He makes $7.50/hr and pays child
support. My daughter has no job, no money, no plans to get out of this rut. She does drive, but has no car. I think she probably got her motivation and example from her dads house. Should I just wait this out and hope for the best? What is your suggestion. She refuses to take birth control, so I quit nagging about it because I think it makes things worse. This just makes me sick. I think she is trying to get knocked up. I refuse to help her
I work full time, own a home and am single and self supporting

I pray every day there is a fertility problem. I hope she cant get pregnant. She is still on my health insurance, but if she doesn't enroll in college this month, they will drop her. My son is so ashamed of her. He wants her out of his space.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you, what a horrible situation for a mother to stand by and watch. It's like looking at a train wreck .....you are right, there's not much you can do until your daughter sees that this life isn't what she wants.
Be firm about what she can expect you to do to "help" her out and wait and see while she lives this disaster. Be ready to pick up the pieces. God I pray too she doesn't get pregnant.

Answer 2

I was kinda in a simillar situation with my ex-girlfriend, who was 18 when she decided to move in with me (I was 22). I felt this was a good decision at the time because her home life was sort of abusive. I knew her parents well and I knew her to down to her bones. But I still couldn't tell you what goes through their heads. It seems to be a mix of 1.confusion with their place in the world, both as young people and as women, which is why these girls seem to attatch themselves to people who they see as having a grip on who they are, 2. a clash of generational differences with there parents (a lot of big changes since you were her age), leaving them unable to relate the way they need to with there mothers, and 3. a lot of times the out lash at themselves may have to do with a traumatic exmperience in her childhood you are not aware of. These are things I've slowly put together over the years, all opinion of course. My advice is that if you help her you will get taken advantage of and she will get nowhere that way, but if you refuse your assistance she might push you far away. So maybe just relax and let the chips fall where they may and look out after number one. God has a hand in these things an his answeres are not always understood or seen right away. Just know that things will work out and follow your instincts. These next few years may be tough, but isn't it like that for every one who is 18? We all get through it when we have faith.

Answer 3

Well congrats to you for having so much!!! and working so hard for what you have. You didnt say how old your daughter is but she is at least 18 which means she is an adult. That means she is legal to make her own decisions. If she doesnt want to take birth control then maybe it will take getting pregnant and having a kid to make her realize that she has to work to be able to take care of herself and her child. Look on the bright side. If she winds up having a kid maybe she will see she needs to turn her life around. Maybe she will think about going to school...she will get a huge discount for going to school with a kid!!! GOOD LUCK in everything you do!!!

Answer 4

Honestly, I feel that you've done everything that you could do, but you have to realize that your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions and sometimes you have to let your children make their own mistakes so that the next time they can learn from them. I know as a mother it probably bothers you to allow this for her but you kind of have to let her live her own life. Just remember that if she needs you, don't turn away from her and just promise her that if she needs you, you will be there. As far as the birth control thing I would be reinterating that to her because a baby will not make this situation better.

Answer 5

She's too stupid to see the real world by now. Unfortunately the only thing to do now is let what you have told her sink in. If she screws up then she screws up. If you push now, she will push back and do it anyway. When she does get pregnant, help her with the pregnancy and the birth but make it hard on her. Dont let her off easy or you will be the next reason for her to not be responsible.

Answer 6

As a young mother who got married to a man who wasn't good for me, I had to wake up on my own. My mom was there to listen and when I left him, she and my father along with the rest of my family and friends kept me afloat. I had to wake up on my own because I was brainwashed into believing that I was happy in my situation. My mom didn't say 'I told you so' or anything. She just welcomed me back with open arms and told me that everyone makes mistakes. She was there to wipe away tears and to offer words of encouragement. I'm now taking care of my 2 daughters, working as an RN and as happy as a clam. Just have patience and trust that God will intervene in due time. Prayer helps and I believe that's what got me through. My prayers go out to you as well for peace and strength. Let not your heart be troubled. Raye

Answer 7

First of all, she will not change because you tell her to. She's going to have to want to change, and from the sound of it, it looks like she won't want to.

Of course, just pray for her, don't give her money, just tell her you cannot support her if she is living her life.

If you want a really good, free answers, call Dr. Laura. I'm serious; she could help better than anyone on here could.

Answer 8

Nobody can do anything right in your eyes. You need help. If just one person was an asshole to you, I'd say that person is an asshole, but it seems that everyone in your life is an asshole or a skank or whatever, and that probably means the problem is you. Cuz they can't all be so wrong and you be so right. Try counseling. You seem very UNHAPPY and controlling.

Answer 9

It sounds like you've said what you can. If she's 18, it's legal for her to move out so you can't make her stay with you. It seems like all you could do is tell her once in a while what's wrong with her life (but not everytime you see her or else she'll steer clear of you), and be there for her when she falls.

Answer 10

Just remember- ITS NEVER TOO LATE. Fight can be won at the last stage also. N u will have to fight 4 the sake of ur daughter n can take help 4m ur husband too.