You is a redneck when (mine in parenthesis)?

Question

Willys cynical thought for the day;

The evening news is where they begin with "good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. (Bumper, fence, firehydrant w/e)

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. (who can't)

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. (I done this)

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. (been there)

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap. (had one a while ago)

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. (or any relative)

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. (fireworks is so 90's the biggest tow-truck co has a future)

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip," (or "Planters Peanut Butter") on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You and ya wife drive matching pick-up trucks but one just got a ding and the other laughs; "Oh see I told you ya can't drive!"

31. And... You know you're a Redneck when.....

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

From; WILLYS JOKES 7/29/06 Q & A for the sexes: Best Jokes, bar none!

Answer 1

te-he

i like it i love it i want some more of it, more more more! hehe

You know you're a redneck when family reunion and orgy mean the same thing hehe

You know the redneck invented the toothbrush because... if anyone else invented it, it would be called a teeth brush :D lol check ya later ♥

Answer 2

You may be a Redneck if:

You mow your lawn and find a car
Your father walks you to school because you're in the same grade
You go to your sister's wedding so you can kiss the bride
You open a beer during a eulogy
You wear a tank top to a funeral
You call the front desk of the hotel and say "I got a leak in the sink" and they say "Go ahead!"

Answer 3

Directions to your house say "turn off the paved road"

Answer 4

You and your dad walk to school together - because you're in the same grade.

Answer 5

dam i'm a ******* and i do those things i'm a redneck o man

Answer 6

You don't care if you have skid marks on your under- ware.....that is if you wear any.........