I have serious family issues?

Question

My grandfather is ill and about to die and I am torn between whether I should go see him or not. I have not seen him in years and disowned their whole family due to verbal and physical abuse, alcoholism, neglect, and stupidity when I was a child. My other siblings seem to have forgotten this because he is sick but I have not. They have all been to see him. Will I regret it after he dies? What should I do?

Answer 1

This is a very touchy situation and it could go both ways, but I will share this. My husband felt the same way about his father as you do about your grandfather and when he died it tore him up that he did not go see him in his final hours. This situation is something that you will have to deal with no matter how you look at it and it will not be easy on either account. There is the opportunity for you to go an see him and let all of that pain you are carrying around die with him and the there is the prospect of you choosing to hold on to it for the rest of your life. Any type of abuse and addictive behaviors are hard to get over and take a great deal of time and effort to move past, I know, I was abuse by an addict too.
You really have to sit down, get a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your choices. If you decide to go an see him, don't go alone and the moment he or anyone else starts to provoke your anger.
Consider this, go and offer him forgiveness. I know, it is not an easy thing to do, but it will lift a huge burden off of your heart and mind.
Pray or if you don't pray and know someone who does ask them to pray for you.
This journey can began it's way to ending with his death, so that you can live.

Answer 2

In these situations, I don't think someone should feel obligated to visit someone just because the end is near. That still does not change anything that has happened in the past and the way that you feel now. If I were in your shoes, I would ask myself a few questions before I made up my mind to go and visit....like, has he ever made an effort to even connect with you or apologize for any of the wrong doings he has obviously caused you while he was feeling well? Do you think that if you do go and see him that it will help you get over the past, or do you think it will make you feel worse. Bottom line is that you have to put YOU first. Figure out what is right for you, and what will help you. Don't worry about what your other siblings have done....they made their own decisions, so you can make yours. it doesn't have to necessarily be the same decision as theirs. If you think it through, make a sound decision, just stick by it and there should be no reason for regret.

Answer 3

I'm in the same situation as you right now but it's with my grandma. if the abuse bothers you to the point that its really upsetting and scary to be back around than you should stay home. only because you have to put yourself first and take care of you. you need to decide in your heart if you will be able to live with the regret that your grandfather has passed away but you didn't see him. pay attention to what would make you the happiest and go from there. this is a hard decision and i know but you will find out whats best for you.

Answer 4

I had a similar problem with my Dad..
He abandoned us when were young only to come back 10 years later to try and reconnect Then found someone else and forget us again..until he was diagnosed with Cancer, then he needed and wanted us..
Throughout his illness, which only lasted a few short months, he lived with his father(my grandfather) when I would go visit my grandfather I would act like my Dad wasn't even there...
Until I received a call one day saying that he was in the hospital and did not have long to live.. I went to visit him and before he passed that day he told me he was sorry!!
The only regret I have is not trying sooner when I had a chance.. But I am glad that we did make peace!!
You have to do what you feel in your heart.. You don't have to make peace with the whole family!!
Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Follow your heart. It seems as though you are already having guilt feelings in regard to not seeing your grandfather before his death, but only you can make the decision. You were a child at the time of turmoil and now is the time for you to do what is right in your heart (be it visiting him or not). I wish you well.

Answer 6

If Ur thinking about it u must deep down really want to do it. He is Ur blood and u should go even if it means facing people who hurt u yrs before. Life is too short and u should go see him because his life is about to end.


It may make u feel a little better to see him, he may want to see u too.

So just for the sake of doing a good deed and maybe closure put the bad feeling of yesteryear behind u and go see him.

Answer 7

It's your choice to see him. Do you feel that you should after all the years of verbal and physical abuse? I don't really think that you would regret it afterwards if you don't see him. You can say goodbye to him anytime you want. Good luck.

Answer 8

You should see him and try to forgive him. That doesn't mean that you condone what he has done in the past, but maybe he is really sorry and needs you to hear that. Even if he isn't, you will feel better knowing you did the right thing, and won't have regrets later.

Answer 9

guy, do i think so sorry for you. first of all you ought to have extremely checked this stuff out before to procure married to her, yet in spite of that reality, now you're mutually and also you've were given important subject matters including her. It virtually sounds to me like she has OCD, it is obsessive compulsive sickness. that's a sickness which many people get. She needs some extreme psychiatric counselling for her difficulty. the challenge is surely not you. you are able to have the capacity to see your friends etc etc. She ought to likely have administration subject matters the position she is attempting to regulate you and each and everything round her. conserving the baby hostage in regard to not sharing the baby is surely incorrect of her. She needs to improve up and be an individual and quit attempting to regulate her family individuals and your family individuals. your family individuals advantages to make certain this baby and carry the baby. For her to disclaim them of displaying their love for the baby is truly unacceptable. Get her some help quickly. have you ever considered chatting with a clergyman or minister about this difficulty including your spouse? the first actual element she will be able to could do is ADMIT that she has a difficulty and then she will be able to get the help she needs. Please, get her some counselling before issues worsen for you. sturdy luck including her.

Answer 10

Please go see him. YOu need to forgive him because that will set you free. I have been thru similiar expericences. Forgiving does not mean you have to be around him all the time. You may be the one to make a difference before he dies. I promise if you see him you will not have to worry if you will have any regrets. I wish you the best and pray for you.