His parents are addicts and it's ruining our life. What should I do?

Question

My fiancee's parents are huge pot addicts and his dad is a drunk. There is never a night when he isn't drunk. The man also has a violent temper and he is the one we have to rely on to drive us around. I am pregnant and I have talked to them about smoking pot around me and they refuse to stop. My father in law to be very often drives me to doctor's appointments and even to collge and other places when he has been out drinking all day. I know who their dealer is and could easily shut down a whole operation with just a single phone call to the police and since his parents have been treating me so badly recently-calling me fat, lazy etc when I am 8 months pregnant- I am really tempted to do it. The problem is that they are his parents and also I am afraid of what will happen to me. Will I be in danger if I come forward? Should I shut them down or let them continue to put the lives of everyone around them at risk?

Let me add to this. My Fiancee said that I should do whatever I feel is right and he would back me on my decision. Neither of us has a problem reporting them and this is a decision we are both struggling with. I don't want to make my fiancee seem like bad guy because he wants this to stop as bad as I do but we are afraid for our own safety.

Also, we will be moving away from them tomorrow and we hope not to be further involved but he has two other kids that are being exposed to their lifestyle and we can't do anything to stop it unless we get the law involved.

To answer the question on why he drives us around-We have no car and I am pregnant and no one else will take me to a doctor appointment. My parents are both very ill and are not able to drive me due to health problems or they would and my appointments are in another town. Also, we just got a car today that just needs gas and new plates. I live in Southern OH and there are no busses down here. There aren't even taxis.

Answer 1

Now, can you tell me why he is still your fiance?

You, at least, need to break from these people. If both of you do it, that's even better.
Take your boyfriend to a narc-anon meeting to see what you need to do.

Answer 2

Smoking pot around your baby could kill the baby or result in birth defects. If he refuses to stop smoking around you, stop being around him. Avoid him, and refuse to be around him, for the baby's health. By having him drive you around while he's drunk, you're just asking to be in a wreck. Don't let him control your life. Why can't you or your fiancee drive you where you need to go? Why can't you take the bus? I realize the bus isn't pleasant, but it's better than dying. What about friends who could drive you around? Even not going anywhere is betting than getting in a car with a drunk driving. If you can, cut off all contact with this man because of the drugs, and make very clear why you're doing it. That may shape him up. But it might also be good to report them to the cops if you can do so anonymously. If you do that, getting a lawyer might not be a bad idea.

Answer 3

it's your marriage--let him see his parents for the sake fo feeling whole, and other than that, keep out of their paths. you can talk to your fiancee about doing this. it might seem wrong, but so is their problem, right?

i see the point about a phone call... i'm honestly not sure how your fiancee would feel about that, but it is definitely the right thing to do. this situation's all about balance, build it up by starting with smaller talks with your husband (there are ways to do this, even with a situation of this importance) so he's accustomed to the idea by the time you're sure HOW you need to take action. either way, you sound like a good person, and you don't deserve to be treated like that.

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EDIT:

i definitely agree with the person below me, but the person above me doesn't realize that some of the greatest people ever have messed up parents or bad childhoods, and, in the unique individuals, it only makes them cooler and different. they have to deal with that growing up and sometimes it's just extra strength on a person determined to be better, more of a good person than their parents. mmm, and it also depends on whonher fiancee is--i don't know, but i say this because my language arts teacher is an awesome person with pothead parents--or, parents who used to be, i believe. hope that helps!

Answer 4

If these people did not stop their bad habits for their own kids what on earth makes you think that they will stop for you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and child and get out and over them, telling on them because they are mean to you is not a reason if you love them and want them to get better fair enough but i am sure you knew what was what long before you moved in and it was fine then so why complain now. Sometimes we can not blame others when we know ahead of time what we are getting into and we can not expect people to change because we change, you need to change you home life and leave them to their own destiny which will end in jail and if you are there when it happens yes you will get in trouble just by being there,

Answer 5

shut them down just dont give your name and do not be there when the cops come cause you will go to jail to best bet is get away from them that baby and your safty is at risk there pot smokeing will hurt the baby my x friend smoked pot and was around ppl who smoked it wile preggo and her son was 2 yr old and still could not talk not even a single word he was also slow protect that baby tell your man that you will not put your child life in danger for him or anyone eles stay with your parents or a friend but get away from them and do not let him drive you to a doctor drunk or stoned he could pass out get into a wreck and kill you and the babby and everyone eles pluse doctors arnt dumb they can smell pot smoke on you it stays in your hair and clothes some doctors might even call and report it you dont wanna lose that baby over there stupity get away wile you can who knows what might happen to that baby when its born all that pot smoke and a drunk violent man they might hurt it

theres even shelters to protect mom and baby but get away from them

feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions and wanna talk im a mom of 2
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Answer 6

Do you live with these people and if so, why?
Get out on your own, and then it wont be a problem.
I know you may think you have to be there, but you don't. Think and come up with some other options, you wont ever change them and they wont change for you in the near future. How old are you? do you work? does your partner work? Look at options, Even no is just another option.

Answer 7

It is unfortunate to hear how we are degraded morally.The case cannot be repaired unless he wants to undo.Bad upbringings of parents makes chidren worse It is avicious circle.In search of happiness we try new techniqes and methods Happiness if want to prevail in the childhood itself the parents should them.If the parents are bad the children will be even worse.