help with my son?

Question

i need help with my son he is sweet and loving but always tearing things up hes always one step ahead of me, dumping cereal tearing the clothes out of the closet very destructive helllp before i cry or lose it

ok buys hes 4 years old and attends pre k he doesnt do this at school or to anyone else just me. He usually thinks its funny too

Answer 1

I have 4 children, 3 of them boys. they are teens+ now.
one of my sons was really destructive, although his destructiveness was seldom aimed at his own belongings.
and some of the people are saying your son has anger issues but i do not agree mainly because he thinks it is funny.
you will probably think i am nuts but this works better than any form of punishment i ever tried with any of my kids.

tear up something of his and when he gets upset laugh, then point out to him that the way he is feeling is exactly how he makes mommy feel when he tears up your stuff. you can also fake him out like tell him if he does "it" again you will throw away his favorite toy then follow through, just hide the toy where he won't find it, but tell him if he will quit tearing things up, you will get him another one, and when he stops surprise him with the real one, if he knows it's his old one be creative about how you got it back, hes four they love adventure stories. also at four hes pushing your buttons. you say he is one step ahead of you, you have to be one step ahead of him, if you catch him in the act, join him, that will shock him.or tell him he has to clean it up and if he won't, take something away from him that he really likes.

spanking usually doesn't work, i know from experience, nor does time out or standing them in a corner.
you could even go as far as puting hook locks on the closets out of his reach.
as far as dumping his cereal don't let him have it anymore, if he cries let him, but explain to him he can't have it anymore until he promises he won't throw it around.

and if all else fails just sit down on the floor and cry, little boys love thier mommies more than anyone or anything else, and when they see mommy crying it gets their undevided attention, take that opportunity to tell him why you are crying. he will think twice before he does it again. just make sure you always notice when he does things right, just like you notice when he does things wrong.

just be patient, you will be okay, it does get better.

Answer 2

Hang in there Krista! I have one who is just like that. All three of mine have gone through this "stage" but my third is the worst. He is 3. One of the reasons he maybe acting out, I know this is true with mine, is he is bored and wants your attention. Try taking a minute or two or longer if you have it and sit down and play cars with him. Show him some extra attention and it usually goes along way. Also, get consistent with time outs. I really do think they work, but you have to be consistent with it. Every time he knocks cereal over or pulls down the clothes he gets a time out. To a small child, negative attention from mom and dad is better than no attention at all. One minute per year of age is a good rule for time out. If you have a cooking timer set that, then he knows when the bell goes off he is free to get up, after he apologizes, and then he has to help clean up the mess he made! This too shall pass and when he is 15, you will miss this age!

Answer 3

It sounds like he needs more discipline and you have to keep being consistent with the punishments you are giving.

At 4 years old he knows what he is doing is wrong, those actions are ones much younger children might do to get some attention. At 4 years old though he knows just to ask you to play with him or he can even let you know he's frustrated or mad.

If you let a child get away with it once they're going to keep taking advantage of it and do it over and over again.

I don't know if it really has a lot to do with his age or that he's a boy. Yes boys are a little more rough and tough, but they know right from wrong. They know to pick up their toys when they are finished playing with them, not to dump out food and to tear clothing out of a closest.

If he's been able to do this for awhile now though, maybe he doesn't even realize that it is wrong.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

How old is your son?

You have to teach him the behaviour you want to see from him. If you are yelling or shouting at him, it won't change his behaviour, nor will hitting him.
When he does something good, praise him. When he does something bad, either ignore him, (he'll stop doing it if he hasn't got your full attention) or sit him on a naughty step, for a minute per year of his age. Everytime he gets up, sit him back down till the time is up. If he does it again,just repeat the punishment. When hes on the stair don't give him any attention.

He will soon learn that tearing things up etc are not what his mummy wants to see.

Praise him everytime he does something you like. The more praise you give him the better he will understand what you want from him.

Answer 5

It sounds to be as though your son doesn't respect you.

He knows that there are rules in other places and with other people. He knows to comply with those rules, or there will be consequences.

That means he's smart. That's good.

He also knows that the rules in your house are flexible. It's okay to disobey you, to not listen. It's funny to see you get flustered. It's fun to destroy things. Since there arn't any real consequences, why not have his fun?

What are you going to do about it?

When my 2 year old started tearing her clothes out of her dresser, I took it away. She's never started on her closet. If she does, I'll install a lock.

If she spills something, accident or purposely, she cleans it up. If it was malicious, she's punished once it's cleaned up. I found the punishment she hates more than anything. She stands with her nose in the corner.

If she ignores me, she gets a swat on the bum. I never say anything 3 times. After the second time, she gets a warning not to make me say it a third. The third time I repeat myself, I go get her, I swat her bum, I escort her to do whatever she was told to do, and then she's punished.

She only ever gets a little to eat or drink at a time. I'd rather pour out a little juice 6 times in a row than chance having to clean up a half glass of juice out of the carpet. And the one time she poured the milk out of her cereal onto the table and floor, she ate yogurt in her cereal for a week.

1. I don't threaten anything I won't go through with, and I don't care if I have to break a playdate or go shopping after their father gets home to watch them.
2. I don't say no unless I mean no, if I'm not sure yet, I tell her I'll think about it. She can't get the idea that she can change my mind.
3. I expect her to listen, to obey and to be respectful toward her father and I.

You have to be firm. It's easier to establish this hierarchy now than when he's 13, ignoring curfew, smoking cigarettes, charging things to your credit card and having sex while you're at work.

When it's too much, put him in his room and step outside for a couple minutes until you can handle it. Make sure to schedule time for you to get away from it all, so you can handle it when you're there. Get the other adults in his life on board with this. (A well-placed "Hey! You listen to your mother!" can help a lot.) Head him off at the pass when you can (ie: small bits of cereal and a lock on his closet door, high enough he can't reach it). And remember: be vigilant. The harder you work at it now, the easier it will be as he gets older.

You arn't raising him to be a sweet and loving boy. You are raising him to be a good man. You arn't his friend. You're his parent.

He's smart and willfull, so you've got a good base.

Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

It sounds like your son has an anger management problem. Is there anyone in your home who displays anger on a regular basis? Or, maybe your son is having problem with a bully at school. Maybe your son IS the bully. It could be alot of things. I would seriously consider counseling, both for your son alone and for you and your son together.

Hang in there - things will get better.

Answer 7

How old is this child? Sounds like he needs a good old fashioned spanking, then a detailed explanation of why he shouldn't do whatever it is he did, and then made to clean up after himself.

Word of caution........he's a boy. He will always take things apart and make messes and not clean them up. Ask any married woman and I'll bet most of them will tell you that they are married to one just like him.

Answer 8

Hmmmm, doesn't sound very sweet to me! How old is he?!
Perhaps (if he's old enough) if you tell him his destrutive behavior hurts your feelings, he'll stop (if he's so sweet).

My mom would have slapped the crap outta my butt and put me in time out. Sometimes a little corpral punishment (when not taken to extreems) is needed.

Answer 9

try this stuff him in the washing machine and turn on the rinse cycle. stick him in there for about 20 minutes when he gets out he'll be a changed boy

Answer 10

Make him clean up his mess. If he refuses then I would say Time Out . Be firm and dont give in but dont yell and spank . All that does is make him more mad and you more irratated