I asked this guy I was in love with whether he addressed a major financial issue that he personally brought up early on in our relationship. I really tried to help him solve this major issue, but he became so nonchalant about it and acted like he didn't care. He talked about marriage with me often, but I felt that his huge financial issue would stand in the way of us building a relationship together. Given my profession, I know that there are ways to address his financial issue that would help to get him back on his feet. He would craft such fabrications that I couldn't overlook them anymore and I would ultimately pay for everything when we went out on a date. Did I make the right decision to let him go or should I have fought harder? He is a 42 year man who should be more responsible with finances especially if he wants a family, a house and things. I am unsure how he thought those things would be paid for except by me. I still love him deeply, can this be salvaged?
2006-08-02 11:18:38 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hmm that is a toughy... if it is true love then, it will always work out in the end and you'll be together...
One thing that he does need to realize is that you were willing to work with him to "help" him in his situation not against him, but he needs to know you mean business and if that means be lonley without you for awhile then so be it... but he needs to wake up and grow up and get with the program if he wants to be with you and have a family someday...
Your strong for not giving in to him... because you teach ppl how to treat you, Dr Phil says,.... and you took a great stand for yourself that tells him if he wants you bad enough he will take responsibility and be a man and do what he should have done...
If he never sees the light,... then woman... your better off without him....
Good Luck!
2006-08-02 11:25:55 · answer #1 · answered by nknicolek 4 · 20⤊ 4⤋
It all depends on how you look at it. You can take the reverse 1950's look at it. You are like the 1950's man who pays for everything and he can be the 50's wife who is just pretty with a drink in his hand waiting for u. OR if this $ situation is such a problem now that you had to dump him...its never going to get better. He obviously has bad money habits and it will continue to be a sore spot for your relationship. Now if you were to keep each others finance separate. He pays his way you pay yours and never again discuss $$, then you could make a go of it. Take the $ out of the relationship completely..but each would have to pay for own things. and if he cant afford to do that then he will eventually do something about it.
2006-08-02 11:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by Em W. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sure wouldn't talk about marriage to this man; he is not ready to be in a committed relationship (meaning marriage, children, etc) until he resolves this problem.
You broke up with him but now you talk about wanting to get back together with him. Did you give him an ultimatum such as "until you get this resolved, I can't see you anymore", or did you just break up. My suggestion is to call him up, let him know how you feel about him, gage how he feels about you, and let him know that if he'll get his problem taken care of, then you two can get back together. But I would keep your money very separate and you shouldn't have to pay for the dates. No rushing down the aisle, he has a lot of learning to do about financial responsibility.
2006-08-02 11:24:13 · answer #3 · answered by garymkat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there any hope - Yes! If you so choose to take him back, after working out the issues.
This has to be a decision only you can answer for yourself.
Take a long hard look at your issues and go from there. Do counseling.
Personally, I won't tolerate a liar. Trust/communication HAS to be the most important things in any relationship. In my opinion, once they lie, they have failed to communicate and had taken the trust.
Finaancial stability is something very important to look into. Could be he's using you!
GOOD LUCK, honey! I care! Let me know how you are doing!
2006-08-02 11:33:32 · answer #4 · answered by penwrite5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget him, go on with your life. He's not ready for resposibility. besides if you was working that hard to make the relationship work, why would he push you the other way........... Hello, May I, listen ------- their was someone else, he was eating his cake and ice cream, just not at your table. Now crank up that honda, run down to the store and get you a 12 pack of Bud Lite, come back home, put the beer in the freezer, oh get one for yourself, turn on some ACDC ---- catch --- highway to hell, and back in black. Then put on some Framptom, by now you should be into your third beer, call a good male friend, now get yourself DONE!!! Just get freaky. Then tell your male friend to leave, he can't stay the night. he'll get mad, because he was thinking of part two in the morning. you'll laugh and show him to the door. This will keep you from going back to the real loser, because you took the next step and your body embraced it and your mind said F#*K IT.
2006-08-02 11:34:48 · answer #5 · answered by WOODSAK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think will be more important in the long run, in a marriage. That YOU are in 'love', or that you have a safe home and all the bills paid?
You did right to dump him if he cannot manage responsibillity as an adult. And, to think he is 42???
This bum will NEVER grow up to be more responsible! And, the really sad thing is that YOU can't even TRAIN him!!! He is too old a dog to learn a new trick!
you're too sexy and cute, plus, too solid and responsible, to be chained to a bum!
2006-08-02 11:26:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you made the right choice of leaving him. I know that it's tough in the beginning, but in the outlook, you would've had bigger problems with him. I think he knew what he what he was doing, and I think he was using you to get his financial problem paid. Someone who starts off with lies, it pretty much says that something is going to go wrong in the relationship. I feel more sorry for him, because he lost a really nice girlfriend, so don't you worry you'll find someone better.
2006-08-02 11:35:24 · answer #7 · answered by Maria A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he likes being stuck in a rut. He'll drag you down with him.
Sometimes you can really love and care about a person, but still move on. It's difficult, but sometimes necessary. I've done it before, mid 2003. I'm still friends with her, and my decision hurts me still (in the sense that I miss the good old times and I wish things were different). But it had to be done. Life isn't meant to be easy.
2006-08-02 11:28:21 · answer #8 · answered by evil_clown_of_destruction 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be gland that it's over. Why would you want to be with someone who can't even manage his own finances. Move on with you life and find someone who is willing to pay for dinner. I know that this sounds harsh but it's better that you know this now then later when you are married and have kids.
2006-08-02 11:25:07 · answer #9 · answered by anisarkisyan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once had a boyfriend who borrowed money from me to buy me an engagement ring. At the time, I thought I really loved him but sometimes you just can't ignore the writing on the wall.
2006-08-02 11:31:50 · answer #10 · answered by Dimples 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So let me get this straight.. I'm not being mean I'm just telling you the truth.. Hes an irrisponsible, broke liar? And why is it you want to save the relationship? He is 42 HE WILL NOT CHANGE... YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM NOONE CAN! Move on!
2006-08-02 11:24:07 · answer #11 · answered by ChrissyLicious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋