how come i feel like its only me whos suffered emotionally and mentally since 15?

Question

and i feel im the only one with extreme low self esteem who cant get my needs met? and i spend half the time wishing i was somebody else with a different life? im so ashamed and depressed with my reality sometimes, well most of the time. even though ive made progress. over the years. im 29 year old male. i dont have a girlfriend and i have ' never' had a girlfriend and this is really gettin me down latley, i live on my own in a flat and feel so so down

Answer 1

I'm not that age yet but yes I have suffered emotionally, mentally, and physically since 9. Hang out with friends, make friends, just play some sports/join a club. I've been improving by letting my feelings out on paper or telling someone I trust. Try things you enjoy, with others, like if you enjoy to read, join a book club/reading, if you like sports, play that sport at a local gym or something. Join things and it'll be cool, you don't need a girlfriend to make you happy, I've never had a boyfriend and yeah it irks me a bit, but I'm just waiting for someone who I think could be right. Have standards, don't just go for any girl who goes for you.

Answer 2

Feeling depressed is nothing to be ashamed of and there is help out there. Maybe you need to see a therapist, contact a family member or a friend you trust enough to talk this over with. Get with a group of other men you think you'd like to be around. Try a church, a community center. Find someone who has similar interests. I'm 57 and I've felt this way most of my life. At times I still do. I think the one thing I needed all that time was a support group, someone I knew I could go to for help. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will survive this. You're in my prayers.

Answer 3

Well, you need to stop thinking you're so special. There are many people in the same situation, they just don't advertise the fact! I would say for a start, find some voluntary work you can do for someone else, because when you stop thinking about yourself and brooding, good things eventually start to happen. If you think about other peoples needs, people will start to respond to your kindness. Remember the true saying "WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND"
You really can build your life up from nothing if you set out with good will. Don't be ashamed of yourself and don't be self-pitying either, (someone said that to me once and I was very annoyed, I didn't think I was self-pitying, later when I had worked through some stuff I discovered that they were right!) (You can find a counsellor to talk to about your sad feelings and things will start to change) I know depression is truly horrible. Be with people some of the time, living alone gives you too much solitude for brooding. The girlfriend thing will solve itself once you feel more accepted and gain some confidence.
You don't say what happened when you were 15. Sounds like some crucial event took place then that you haven't managed to get over.The counsellor will help with that. I send you good vibes. :)

Answer 4

Of course, it's not so: you are not the only one who has suffered half the life. I know a lot of people (including myself and my sister) whose problems began in teen years and have lasted really long. The trick is - your state is a challenge. It's a condition for development. I take it, you cannot stand it like this anymore. It is good. It means, now it's the worst it can be. After that things must start improving. Because you wouldn't be able not to undertake anything. It's a survival instinct. And the first place it drives depressed people to is a psychotherapist. The consequences of such a little move can be enormous. But the work might take years. Another good news is - you are really young and your whole life lies before you!

Answer 5

dude, I didn't read all the other posts but I can say by reading what you have said that you will never have a healthy relationship in your state anyway so don't fret over having a girlfriend. You need to love yourself before you can have a healthy loving relationship. I was diagnosed very early in my life with depression(@14) I am now 31 with a fiance and three kids. i too suffered from low self esteem and all kinds of other truly "all in my head" issues. Seek counseling from a professional and try to focus on whats important-YOU!!The real you, the one that is caring towards people the one that loves to smell flowers during long walks or whatever it is that makes you YOU!!! Every person has something that they hate about themselves and we all seem to focus on that but when you get your head clear enough to see whats beautiful about you you will find that other people will also be able to see that beauty! Cheer up, you are low right now maybe in the midst of a depression so instead of focusing on whats not right think about what is, You have your own place, you are self-sufficient, you are a responsible adult that can do things for himself(believe it or not some men your age cannot say that about themselves). Life will get better if you allow it, your happiness is up to you, look inside and find it!!!!

Answer 6

The absolute WORST thing you can do to try to solve the depression problem is to spend one more second focused on yourself, your thoughts, etc. Keeping a journal and going to counseling or other suggestions along those lines will only keep you fixated on the poor perception that is causing your depression.

The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to help someone else with their problems. Help your neighbor move, take your dog to a retirement home to let the residents pet him, complement your sister on her new dress, adopt a little brother/little sister, take a load of groceries to your local free food pantry, put a penny in the old man's cup, pick up that wadded paper towel that didn't land in the trash can in the public restroom, ANYTHING to get your mind off yourself and realign your perception with what your place is in this world; a contributing and valuable member of society.

Self focus=self pity=the seed of all depression

Answer 7

I think that many of these answers are insensitive to someone who if suffering in the way that you are. Many people don't understand when someone feels badly about themselves and they don't know the specifics about you life that have led to this situation. If you really feel that this is a problem that is causing you to feel worse about yourself, the not having a girlfriend part, then you should look into some therapy. It could help weed out the root of the problem and start to heal old wounds. One you have confidence in yourself your social skills will be better and finding someone to be with will be easier. You can't expect to have any kind of a relationship when you don't feel good about yourself first.

Answer 8

In my unqualified opinion, you feel that way because you are depressed and need attention. You don't have the emotional reserve to give attention to other people's probems right now.
The reason seems likely to me that you just need to really concentrate on finding a way to get some healing work done on yourself. I hate when people tell me to "find a therapist" but I have to tell you that you would be well off to get help outside yourself.

I wish you the best. Remember that depression is an illness, not a weakness.

Answer 9

You feel this way because you have probably not met anyone like yourself, but the sad truth is,..there are so many young men and women who could tell you the kind of horror stories that would probably relate .....You are not homeless, ..or addicted to drugs,..and you do sound like you want to change yourself and lead a normal as you can life. and with God, and Christ, this is possible...Serve Them first, and seek out the truth and if will set you free..and all the things you want, you will find..God Bless...I am glad you are comng here and reaching out...you sound like a very sweet, deeply hurt person...My prayers are with you

Answer 10

You know what? I've been where you are. It just seemed like everyone around me was happy - except me. I just couldn't understand it. What I would say to you is there are all kinds of things around us every day to be thankful for. We just overlook them because our focus is somewhere else.

I used to think there was no way in the world that I could be happy if I wasn't in a romantic relationship. What I discovered is that instead of trying to find someone to love me, I needed to love myself instead. When you really love yourself, you can be happy REGARDLESS of what you have or don't have - because the source of your happiness is inside of you, not dependant on someone or something else.

Get out there and enjoy life! Get outside of your needs and try to help someone else! My childhood was like one ongoing nightmare, but life goes on! We all wish for different whatevers at some point - that's part of finding out who you are!

If you need it, get some counseling. I wish you well in your journey.