I have been in a relationship with this man on and off for the past 2 years. Last Aug., we broke up for the first time when he hit me. I immediately left him but was back within days.
The second time I left was Christmas Eve. He had been ignoring me for 2 weeks. Supposedly I had done something but I don't know what it was. I was back by early Feb. I would stay with him from time to time but we weren't intimate but one time. 2 months later I was out once again. (all of these times, I left on my own.) I was back by the end of the week. This time no intimacy at all. It seems he's not even interested. He keeps treating me like I'm an idiot. I'm actually a pretty intelligent person. We argued today over his internet porn problem and I just can't do it anymore. I can't waste my life away with this loser while my soulmate may be out there waiting for me. The problem is I'm currently unemployed and I really don't want to go back to my parents. I'm too old for that. I'm 29 no savings & no job.
2006-08-02 09:47:28 · 17 answers · asked by real_sweetheart_76 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
His ex called last night while he was at work. I fell asleep before he got home but the answering machine had been checked when I woke up at 6am but he wasn't here. He came in later about 8:00 with the spare blanket saying he had been out washing it. I know that's a lie, we just did laundry on Monday.
2006-08-02 09:49:30 · update #1
Hi Honey, sorry for all the problems. First of all, you need to take a hard look at your relationship and ask yourself some questions. Why do you keep going back to what sounds like a bad situation? And why do you feel you have to go back to someone that hits you? Honey sorry to break it to you, but if you get hit once your gonna get hit again and again.
Its what they call the "honeymoon period", he apologizes, things are terrific for a few months, he does it again, apologizes, things are good for another few weeks...Its a never ending cycle. And eventually if you continue to stay in this abusive relationship maybe you will end up dead.
I can hear you saying right now, "But he only hit me once." Ok, but I guarantee in the meantime you are being emotionally abused (aka mind games, degrading words etc.), which emotional abuse is very bad and sometimes worse than physical.
The other thing I hear in your question is that your obviously not satisfied. Why are you going back to a relationship with no intimacy? You sound like you don't think any better of yourself. Do you know that you don't need to stay with someone like this? You sound to me like you are at least in your early to mid twenties. There are many GOOD fish in the sea where you don't need this piece of junk.
Who wants to deal with porn and any kind of addiction? If you are so convinced this guy is a loser, and that you might be missing out on someone better why do you stay with him. I would much rather stay with my parents if that was what I had to do to get out of a horrible situation. Chances are you will be under A LOT less stress. Which means you will be relaxed and able to look for employment, and you know something? You will probably be able to save lots of money.
You gotta do some soul searching. If you actually felt good about yourself you would not go back to someone who treats yyou poorly. If he acts like he is not interested in you, you shouldn't be together. You can do LOADS better but its time to start believing in yourself.
Get out of the situation sista. That is what your heart is telling you to do. Weigh the options...I am sure living with mom and dad is much better by far. I can see that working out well for you. I think it could lead you down a good road and path for yourself.
Good luck.
2006-08-02 10:07:07 · answer #1 · answered by katisadiva 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what I think?? Living with you're parents would be better and a happier situation for you, than living with this loser. And that's why they're parents, they're gonna be there for you as long as they can be, and I'm sure they love you, and don't want you to live with him. You don't have to live there forever either, just live their while you save up money to get your own place, and then you'll eventually meet a wonderful man. How much do you love yourself, how much do you want to be happy?? Because nothing good is going to happen for you, while you're living there. You need to get out before it gets worse.You can be a strong woman, I'm positive of that. So just call up your parents, tell them what's going on, pack up your stuff and leave. Tell your "boyfriend" what's going on, and let him know that's the final goodbye. Never plan on speaking to him or seeing him again. Because he treats you like crap, I bet he's cheating on you, and it could get worse, and on top of it, it seems like he has the potential to be really violent. You deserve better and you should not be living like that. I hope this gives you some strength. Take Care! And I know you're gonna make it, but the first step is getting out of there for good. Even if that means living with your parents for a few months...and I don't think that's even that bad.
2006-08-02 10:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by ------ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is find a job. Get a job and save. Even if you have to eat Ramen Noodles for a month, save up, and get out. Where do you go when you leave him temporarily? Could you not stay there until you saved enough to move out? I totally understand where you are coming from, but if he is lying, abusing, cheating, and not appreciating you, you just need to go. If you don't leave because of the reasons you listed, then you are just going to stick with it because you will always feel vulnerable like that. Do what you need to do, you should be able to get on your feet in a month or two, just be strong, and love yourself enough to push for something better.
2006-08-02 10:00:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you should get a job to suport yourself. When you have this it will be easier. You said so yourself, you're an intelligent woman. Why do you keep coming back if he doesn't treat you like he should.
You already know he's cheating on you. So do something about it, go find yourself a job and get out of that relationship.
Be strong, its hard at first starting alone, but hey. I did it, so you can too!
Good Luck.
2006-08-02 09:59:27 · answer #4 · answered by ♠ENIGMA™ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not "too old" to go back to your parents...it sure as heck beats the alternative...suck up your pride, get away from that creep, go home, get a job, get on your feet, and then get out on your own and STAY THAT WAY (date guys, don't live with them for a while).
You need to get grounded and learn who you are and what you want out of life...this guy isn't it but you've apparently had pretty low self esteem and that's sad...you're better than that..don't "settle" just to be with someone...
If you don't want to go home, what about live with a friend for a while? Where did you go the times y'all split up? Do whatever you need to do, but get away from this guy...don't waste another moment with someone you KNOW is a poor match...better to be alone, than in a relationship and unhappy.
Take care of you.
2006-08-02 09:54:28 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get up and go...NOW!!! I dont know how to tell you this, but, as long as you keep going back, after he keeps doing all these things to you, you will never get anywhere in life....YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! Never let a man hit you. That alone is reason to walk away and never look back. As long as he knows you rely on him for clothing, food, and shelter, he is going to keep treating you the way he does....By the way, when you leave him, do NOT tell him you are leaving, and if he tries to call or see you, and wants you back again, JUST SAY NO!!!!!
2006-08-02 09:56:28 · answer #6 · answered by carrie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, this guy SUCKS!! Get out and STAY out!!! He doesn't love you, simply loves controlling you. So what if you're 29 and have to go back home? At least at home you're safe. If you really don't want to go back home, there are plenty of women's shelters that can help. You need to put your time into YOU and not this dumb loser. Cut him off and stay away! What's more important: your pride or your health?
2006-08-02 09:58:14 · answer #7 · answered by halo27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry honey, but you don't sound too intelligent. Leave him now and get a better life, it doesn't matter if you have to go back to your parents or some friend's house. You will be 1000 times better without him. You need to say that to yourself and believe it.
2006-08-02 09:54:15 · answer #8 · answered by interpreters_are_hot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what its not that bad for u to go back to youre parents house because no self respecting woman needs to put up with that shi_ specially when that as_hole has laid a hand on you and also if that hoar is cheating on you which is pretty obvious that he is i dont know you but i know that any girl deserves better than to be treated like dirt. i also dont know how the relationship is between you and youre parents, but they are youre parents no matter what and are suppose to be there for you and if they were to critizize you suck it up because at least youll know that is only till you get on youre feet. good luck,
2006-08-02 09:56:38 · answer #9 · answered by LADY J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh for goodness sakes, haven't you watched enough lifetime tv? get the hell out and stop looking to strangers to tell you the obvious.
2006-08-02 12:01:51 · answer #10 · answered by sickandtiredinpa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋