Is this sexual harassment?

Question

a coworker of mine came up to me and started to massage my shoulders. it made me feel very uncomfortable, and i didnt like it at all. he stopped before i said anything. i want to tell him i didnt like that.. but i dont know exactly how to say it.. he knows i have a boyfriend too. the coworker and i arent even close friends.. i want to say something but the other people just wont leave the room (they usually do, but today they wont). what should i do?

its not the first time tho.. before he kept commenting on how sexy i was. and he always complains to me about how he wants a girlfriend.

Answer 1

It may or may not have been intended as sexual harassment. He might have though he was being nice or helpful, but I doubt it. Some people are that naive, but not that stupid.

You can try sending him an email, it's often easier than discussing things face to face, gives him privacy, and if you keep a saved draft, it gives you something of a record in case he does escalate or doesn't respect your personal space.

Be polite and professional. If you tend to be a sympathetic person, nice, friendly, and you don't want to hurt his feelings; don't. Don't be mean, but be assertive. Try something like:

John, In order to keep a standard of productivity and a comfortable working atmosphere, a certain level of professionalism must be maintained. Shoulder massages are not appropriate in the workplace. I'd appreciate your help in keeping the office a pleasant place to conduct business. Thank you, Jane.

If you're that uncomfortable with it, you might be better off deferring this to your supervisor.

Answer 2

as a general rule, any unwanted touch can be harrassment. The problem is that these things can be sticky to address. You have a couple choices here. You can address it directly with the person and tell him that even though you may like to work with him, you have personal boundaries, and don't allow anyone but your boyfriend to touch you. At no point should this person feel like it's ok to touch you, and you have to make that clear verbally. You could also send an e-mail. Writing an e-mail would give you more time to phrase your message diplomatically, as well as retain a record of your interactions with this person should the need to address it further ever happen.

You should also come up with a plan of how to handle the situation if it gets worse. For example, 1) say something and document it in an e-mail or secure personal file. 2) If it happens again, then say something again, and tell him that if he does it again, you'll notify your employer. 3) come up with a next step.

Your local Sexual Assault/Awareness Shelter will have a good amount of literature to help you deal with this sensitive situation.

edit to include: what many people fail to see is that sexual harrassment is not one incident, but a chain of behavior (just liek domestic violence is) where each incident is slightly (or greatly) worse than the previous incident. If you simply look at one incident, people who are ignorant about the way abuse of power and control works are going to say that it's not harassment. But it is, simply because the person is taking license where he has been given none.

Answer 3

No, it wasn't sexual harassment.

If you didn't tell him you were uncomfortable, he didn't know you took in in a sexual way. It isn't like he put his hand on your knee. There would be no reason for it to matter if you have a boyfriend. It would only be sexual harassment if he continued to do it after being told that it bothers you.

I've had coworkers, male and female, massage my shoulders or pat me on the back. I've never taken it for a sexual advance.

Think about his job a little before you go running to management. Thousands of innocent men lose their jobs because an oversensitive woman makes a false claim of sexual harassment.

He probably stopped when he did because he realized you were not comfortable.

Answer 4

The usual rule of thumb is "if it feels like harrasment, it is". Basically, if it made you uncomfortable and he continues with it even after you aproach him, report him. Make sure you document the incidents somehow, including your talk with him. At this point its up to you, you can either aproach him as soon as you get the chance, or you can let it go for now. It may have only been a weird once and done thing, so if you think this may be the case you could always wait and see and then the minute he touches you again you can just say "you know, i really prefer not being touched by any body else". If you feel its going to happen again, or you feel truely violated already, just pull him aside and gently let him know you didn't feel it was apropriate.

Answer 5

I'd say that's a little strange. If it's unwanted touching then it is sexual harassment. But not until you make it KNOWN that it is unwanted. If you let him continue, then he assumes you're ok with it and will most likely continue, which I think you know and that is why you are asking for help ^_^

Say it in a way that won't embarrass you, that way you don't have to worry about the other people. You could shrug him off and say something like "No thank you, I don't really enjoy massages." If he continues, I would tell my supervisor.

Answer 6

There are guys and women in my work place that do this too and I think it is very inappropriate for the work place. I do not like people that I don't know to touch me. Massage is intimate, even if it is restricted to the shoulder region. I would simply pull him to the side and let him know that you would really appreciate if he not do that. Be tactful, I am sure he means no harm but, let him know that it makes you feel uncomfortable. It could be considered sexual harassment if you perceive it that way. Just nicely let him know that you don't like massages from co-workers, don't make apologies, it is your body.

Answer 7

You should look up the specific statue regarding sexual harassment. Let's say, for example, its UX123.45. Next time, turn around, look at him straight in the eye and say: "Are you familiar with the statue UX123.45. You should look it up" Actually gimme a minute and I'll see if I can find a link for you. If you hear back from me, it means I found it. If you don't, it means either I didn't or my kids needed me and I'm off the computer. ***Found it. It's www.legistation.govt.nz or maybe www.legistature.govt.nz. Alright kiddo, good luck. You may also want to print the statute and place it on the pigs desk.

Answer 8

i hate to seem rude but DUH!!!! Any Physical contact or even verbally offensive dialect can be considered sexual harrassment. If him touching you was intentional and not directly related to completing his assigned job task then it needs to be recognized. You are better of just mentioning it to your boss. Make sure that the boss doesnt make a big deal out of it. In fact tell your boss not to say anything. Then if it happens again firmly let him know that is not acceptable and you would like if he would not do it anymore. Report to your boss again. If it happens again then its time to do something descreetly between you and your boss and the authorities. Predators thrive on the passive ones because they know that they can get away without getting in trouble but you do need to remain cautious because you never know when someone can snap. The more you allow it though the more they think its okay. So be firm. Stern face. Cold stare. Avoid situations that may allow you two to be alone. And make sure it gets reported. Who know's you may be helping some other girl out indirectly. Good Luck hope everything works out okay.

Answer 9

the definition of sexual harassment...inpart is any unwanted attention. however if the massage is continued and you fail to express your opposition you do not have much to stand on.. if the issue was to go before a disciplinary hearing. once you request the the massage stops..and it continues... or something more..your next step is supervisor. supervisor is required by law to hold sexual harassment training.and have a policy and procedure in effect to protect you in this matter. inform the co-worker politely that you are not comfortable with the massage..and would appreciate it, if he/she would not do it again. then move on to a less sensitive subject or say thanks for understanding and make your exit. hope this helps

Answer 10

Well, the next time you see him, tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and that he should stop. Harassment is when you are uncomfortable with something someone else does to you. As to whether this is sexual harassment or not, I think it's best if you check with your superiors because I don't think most of the idiots on Yahoo Answers know.