PLEASE read my question girls & guys! Advice needed! Help Me! An interesting dilema!?

Question

It's like this - between the age of 16-25 I just ignored my social life and devoted all my time to studying and my career. I also had a lot of family problems (3 deaths at diffrent times) that meant that I lost all confidence in life and withdrew into myself - also had an undiagnosed nervous breakdown.

However, good thing is that I am much better now and ready to live. I have a good job, am pretty confident in all areas other than dating women (due to zero experience), I am not ugly (but do have a bad body image), have good friends (mostly males) and can hold an interesting conversation.

I have sensed a few girls have been interested but are then put off by the fact I get a bit nervous when they speak to me.

This wouldn't be a problem if I was like 16 or 17 but I'm 26 now!
All girls my age have loads of experience - I have none.

What should I do? A girl might be like omg it's like dating a 14 yr old. Have read up on dating practices so know the theory.

Help please!

Answer 1

OK my friend, not to blow my 17 year old self up but lets say I have some experience with this kinda stuff. Although it may seem like the stupidest thing yo have ever heard, JUST BE YOURSELF! Girls come and go but the one that really matters will be there whether you act 3 or 33. The only thing when being yourself is dont be a jerk and you are in the clear. Dont get nervous, consider her as one of your friends above all else, shes just another person. You have a plus, women love to see that you are career oriented and like to know they arent with some loser. Whatever you do, dont change who you are on the inside.
Now, the image thing, if you dont smell and are clean cut you should be in the clear. Body weight isnt much of an issue these days, its more about cleanliness. Keep a clean shave and always smell good. Also, confidence is a big issue. Be confident about yourself because if ou arent no one else will be. Confidence is key in a womens attraction to you. So. Confidence,Cleanliness, and BE YOURSELF!! Go Get 'Em!

Answer 2

You should first figure out what makes you nervous around the girls. A lack of experience is probably not the reason for your anxiety.

You stated that you can hold an interesting conversation, you are not homely, and you have a good job. At 26, that's what most women should want, and when they see that you are not behaving like a 14 yr old, but as a 26 yr old, then what you say has very little effect. No matter how nervous you may sound.

Now if your anxiety is leading to a lack of confidence rather than spawning from it, you have to figure out why that is. Controlled anxiety can be a powerful force to wield. However, it can crush us beneath its weight if we allow it.

There is no dating expert who can tell YOU how to talk to a woman. The women YOU decide to talk to, YOU choose them for one reason or another.

Be yourself until you find a woman who is compatible. Be Happy.

Answer 3

Here's how to practice.

Talk to your waitresses when you go out to eat. Not harrass them, just talk to them like normal people. Start talking to female coworkers. I was nervous for a long time too, at some point you will go to a bar and have some drinks to loosen up. I would say the minimum is 3 and max is 6. This will chill you out and you can talk to some girls. Start with ugly girls. Seriously, not to be mean, but find a girl that would feel privelaged to talk to you and won't call you a dumbass if you say something odd. Rinse and repeat as needed. Move up to better looking ladies when you're ready.

Good luck partner.

Answer 4

I know it's only a movie, but honestly, I think you could learn from the 40 Year Old Virgin...all you have to do is hang with your friends who hopefully are more experienced, go to some bars, and get as many girls numbers as you can...sure there are going to be some who turn you down but there are bound to be a few who will be interested...get your feet wet with whatever you can take and from there you can work your way up...you have to start somewhere right?

Answer 5

Try having someone that you know fixing you up with someone. That way, they can let the person know from the start to expect you to be nervous at first but also tell them what a good person you are if they take the time to get to know you. Just be yourself from the start. Don't put on a front and pretend to be someone that you are not. Let the real you be known and I'm sure there is someone out there for you.

Answer 6

I was in basically the same situation as you about a year ago. She was seeing someone else, but we hung out and flirted all the time. I ended up kissing her one night, it was good, and we mad out like all night, the next day she got it into her head that i was just trying to take her from her boy friend, who she had a lot of feelings for. She stopped talking to me, and i haven't from her since. My advice is to not make the first move, let her kiss you, if she truly has feelings for you, she will end up doing it. Be patient. Good things come to those who are patient.

Answer 7

Seriously, if you are as honset as you are now, I don't think any girl worth your time will judge you negatively. If your straightfoward with a prospective girlfriend, i'm sure she will see it as sweet and she'll be thankful that your not a slutty guy. Most girls dont want a guy whos been with tons of girls. You'll make her feel special. If a girls a ***** about it then shes not worth your time anyway.

Answer 8

U need to just be yourself. If someone is afraid to accept you as who you are, then that person is not worth your time, as far as you getting nervous when speaking ,try to look at yourself in the mirror and practice caring on a conversation. U have to accept yourself first before anyone else can or will...GOOD LUCK The right woman is out there for you...

Answer 9

well i find it easiest when you think of them as a friend. Don't think of them as a girl that could reject you or go out with you. At first just talk. they are just another person out there. Girls are no different than other people. Treat them like you would a co-worker or a customer if you work at that kind of place. Just remember that if you don't act like you picking them up then they can't reject you or anything. Plus girls react better to guys who aren't talking to them just to "hook up" or whatever. Treat them just like anybody else. Now this is going to be corny but BE YOUR SELF. fronts don't work. and if they don;t like for being yourself then you should go out with them anyway.

Answer 10

The only way to get over being nervous when talking to a girl is to talk to them more often... try finding a girl as a friend first, then look for a girlfriend... ;-)