My bro is telling me he's gonna have to "crash" at my place from now on cause his (supposed) soon to be father in law wants him out of their house for the reason he just doesn't want him there anymore- I'm guessing it's because they are not married yet. The family agreed to take him in - they don't sleep in the same room! He's been with his girl for 7 years. He recently got out of prison after been gone for 2 yrs. Before he left I moved in to my own apt. with my son, my older sis moved to Nevada, my mom is a live-in caretaker, my father lives in another state as well. I know he wants to marry this girl and move out on their own- how long should I let him stay? What "rules" should I apply (if any) to this agreement? Should I keep track of his money?
Keep in mind I live with my spouse and son in a STUDIO apt. and am preganat. We will also be moving in the coming months.
2006-08-02 09:21:56 · 12 answers · asked by Tanyah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Do i monitor his income? Should I tax him? How can I be sure he is saving $$$?
2006-08-02 09:33:23 · update #1
Your brother is an adult and fully capable of taking care of himself. He does not need his PREGNANT sister living in a studio apt. with her spouse and son to take care of him. Tough love is in order here. Give him some cash if you are able and say, "Hope you find a place to live and get your life in order." Besides the city has laws about how many people can live in so much square footage and I would say your family is tapped out in that department. You are not his mother, you are not his secretary, you are not his accountant, nor his probation officer, his priest, nor his doormat. HE needs to have concern for YOU his pregnant sister, not the other way around. Stop feeling sorry for him. He created this situation let HIM fix it. It's BECAUSE everyone else steps in and rescues him that nothing ever changes. You must step back and let him experience the consequences of his actions.
2006-08-02 09:34:17 · answer #1 · answered by myjamsandwich 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say no longer than a month. It should not take even that long to find a decent place to live, get all that he needs to live (dishes, etc) gathered up and get him moving on. This is all relying on the fact that he's got a steady job and is being responsible with his money.
Rules? Well...
#1 - (if he doesn't have a job) is GET and KEEP a job!
#2 - save EVERY penny. No spending on ANYthing he doesn't need (i.e., personal hygiene products).
#3 - make him pay his share of utilities & food, no exceptions & no excuses.
#4 - Set a deadline and STICK TO IT! Family or not, he's got to learn to be self-sufficient at some point if he wants to be mature enough to get married. If it means he's at a shelter at the end of your time limit, so be it... it'll be a tough-love learning experience.
#5 - He is to strictly adhere to YOUR living style (hours, TV shows, meal times, etc).
#6 - NO sex at your house. You've got your kid to consider! Too bad he's got a girlfriend - it can happen when he gets his own place.
#7 - and this is a big one - if he is found to be doing ANYthing he shouldn't be as outlined above or is found to be misappropriating things (in other words stealing - and YES family WILL do that!), he's out on his a$$ immediately, no second chances!
Good luck - don't let him use you just because you're family & he's "got nowhere else to go."
2006-08-02 16:33:16 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother In-law and his Girlfriend and their 9 month old stayed with my husband and I in our little 2 bedroom house. We let them stay until I had my first child. I was 8 months pregnant at the time and they had just moved back from California. We allowed them to stay long enough to get jobs and find a place to rent.
I think that if he has a job and the means to save money (no huge bills) I would let him stay until I moved. After that I would ask him to leave. This is YOUR home and you need to let him know that before you say yes. Family comes first and he is your brother. But the comfort of Husband and Children and yourself should be your first priority. This is a tough decision and I hope that this helps. He is a grown man and He needs to show you that he has plans in the near future to get his own place. What about possibly renting the studio that you are moving out of?
2006-08-02 16:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by lil_love1982 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, can he help in the mean time? I would say that if you are moving in the coming months, he might be able to help out while you are pregnant... for instance, if you need rest, he can watch your child...
This way it's a give and take... I would tell him that he can stay until you move to another place. This should give him a reasonable amount of time to get a deposit and first months rent for a place of his own. Then don't let him move w/you. He is on his own after that.
BTW..He could help move the furniture too.
2006-08-02 16:28:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you will be moving soon, just give him up until the time you have to move. If he wants to marry the girl, he has to straighten his act and start making sacrifices and be responsible. If he is given a time limit, he might work harder towards getting his own place, even if it means working two jobs until he gets married and he and the girl can share the responsibilities. Good luck with your baby. I hope you have a happy and healthy one. God bless you and your family.
2006-08-02 16:30:08 · answer #5 · answered by killerlegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure he is your bro but I wouldn't let him move in. He is being kicked out of his current place he is staying for a reason. You take him on and then he is your problem.
If your brother wants to get married then it is high time he become a man and provide a home for himself. He can't take on a bride if he can't even provide a home for her.
Then from a mothers point of view I wouldn't want someone who has been in prison to be around my children.
Good luck!
2006-08-02 16:28:49 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him stay a week, then kick him to the curb. Your studio apartment is not enough for two, let alone 4 plus the pregnancy.
Tell your brother to get a life.
2006-08-02 16:27:43 · answer #7 · answered by tonevault 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first would be to get a job, second saving for an apartment, i you charge him rent to stay there i would put in a account for him, (if you didnt need the money)... third he would have to be responsible for himself (laundry, dishes and etc.) Well if you are moving maybe he can rent the appt. from your landlord, and then him and his girlfriend could live there...
2006-08-02 16:38:50 · answer #8 · answered by krista a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had my brother living with my husband and i with two kids while i was pregnant. i made him move out one month before the baby came. it was the best thing i did for him. he rented his own place and had to manage his money. it made him grow up. you can't let him stay too long, he needs to take care of himself, it won't happen as long as you let him stay. trust me on this, get him out of there.
2006-08-02 16:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you let him "crash" one time, he will never leave. Tell him that you are sorry, but are unable to accomodate him due to lack of space. Not to mention the stress it will add to your life. I know it will be hard, but don't do it.
2006-08-02 16:31:25 · answer #10 · answered by jtj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋