I am 20 andI have a 1 1/2 year old daughter with my boyfriend of five years. I just recently moved to a different state while he stayed behind for a month to save more money while waiting to get a job in the new state. While we were apart we talked every day as a family. He told me how much he missed us and couldn't wait to be together again. I started getting a funny feeling about him and his myspace account so I started chatting friendly with him with a different ID. I just wanted to see what he was up to. Everyone of the friends on his profile are from the new city we moved to. He has lied about what he does for a living and about the fact that he is moving here. He has said that he is just visiting for a week. He did confess about his daughter but says that she lives with his "ex," me. I know that it isn't cheating technically but it still hurts. What should I do?
2006-08-02 09:16:35 · 38 answers · asked by beautiful_oblivion_0686 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are in a tough position, but in all fairness you should check and see what you want first.
If a relationship with this man is a top priority, then you must communicate your desire with him directly. Put the heat on him to make a commitment.
He will have to decide what he wants...if it is you, then all will work out...if not, then you must prepare yourself to move on.
However, as he is the father of your daughter, he will be a part of your life for many years to come, regardless of what happens.
He needs to be a responsible father, even if he has a problem with being loyal to his daughters mother.
2006-08-02 09:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by warequalspeace 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Rather than guessing or spying on his activities, if I were you, I would confront him, in a non threatening way, and tell him you want to have a talk. Maybe there is some misunderstanding between you that you are not aware of. Or maybe, he is playing games on that website. It sure has been known to happen. I know it hurts. Is it betrayal? Well, in one sense it is, since he is lying about his situation. Trusting someone has to be a big part of a relationship for it to work, so right now you cannot trust him. Don,t be rash, but do talk. If you have been together for five years, you should be able to judge by his reaction to your "talk" if he is being sincere with his answers to you. I know it may sound "bitchy", but you have to let him know that a person cannot truly love a person they cannot trust. There will always be doubt when that is the case. Good luck
2006-08-02 09:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by gina/tryingtolearn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear about your situation. That's a tough one. If you're okay with him knowing that you made up a myspace profile and was checking up on him, then just tell him straight up, what you're feeling and tell him that he really hurt you. I would ask him why he's telling these people different things than what he's telling you. I think the best way to save this relationship would be to keep everything honest. But I would also think about whether or not YOU want to be with him. Can you trust him after this and most of all, think about your daughter. You really just have to weigh everything out and think about what's more important to you and what the would be the best decision to make concerning your little girl. Good luck.
2006-08-02 09:26:51 · answer #3 · answered by thewomanbehindtheman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as "technical" when it comes to cheating. Even if your boyfriend is not physically engaging in any sort of sexual activity, he has betrayed your trust. I would suggest that you dump him and raise your daughter around a man who will provide her with a higher standard of honor.
On the flipside, you can be pretty sure that most people flirt. The fact that this bothers you is what is at issue here - if it did not, it would notbe an issue. Many couples have relationships where they feel free to flirt with strangers. However, since this bothers you, your boyfriend should refrain from this sort of behavior.
Nevertheless, based on the fact taht he has lied or at least obfuscated the truth, you should leave him. Without trust, there cannot be a relationship.
2006-08-02 09:25:08 · answer #4 · answered by jkhawaja 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a good thing going do not spoil it. He is a person, not a saint or an angel. If you were in the position where the person does not know you and you just want to play around, maybe you would have done the same thing. You lied too by pretending to be someone else. How do you think he will feel if you told him? Right now try to forget it and work on the trust and honesty in your relationship before everything is ruin. I know it hurts but try.
2006-08-02 09:29:10 · answer #5 · answered by joebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This IS cheating. He has concocted an identity so that he can meet people without you knowing about it. What should you do? Because you have a child with him, I think you have an obligation to try to work it out -- one time. If he does this again, dump him and move on.
First, confront him. Print out all the myspace pages and other evidence and show it to him.
Second, make an appointment with a marriage/relationship counselor and tell him to be there. If he doesn't show up, dump him and move on. If he does, do your best to work it out with him.
Third, if he does anything like this again, DUMP HIM and move on.
2006-08-02 09:26:25 · answer #6 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just b/c it was you who caught him means he isn't cheating? Please how many other people has he been on line with and told the same things, or worse, sounds like he is prefilling his book since he will be leaving his established area of women and building a new list. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your relationship a little. Ask the hard questions, but be prepared for the hard answers. You are young, trust me if he turns out not to be the one b/c he can't be faithful you can find someone or they will find you, that will treat you the way you should be.
2006-08-02 09:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by wag35 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are basically screwed. Your one chance is to confront him on this. Tell him you pretended to be someone else and caught him trying to cheat on you. Tell him you think he is cheating on you and getting ready to abandon you and your baby (this is, of course, the truth). Tell him in no uncertain terms that this is unacceptable and he is to move to where you are immediately and to marry you (you are fool for not being married already, you having a baby with him). He will either agree to this, or he is going to abandon you. If he agrees to it, you need to keep him under close watch and a short leash, basically for the rest of your life.
If he leaves, your life is ruined. Your only chance is to force him to take on the role of husband and father. This will be difficult since your choice for your baby's father was so damn poor. However, your options are extremely limited. One thing is for sure, if you do nothing, the worst possible outcome will happen.
2006-08-02 09:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your women's intuition. If you had that feeling then it was for a reason. I have had that feeling more than once and it turned out to be right every time. If he is telling people that his daughter lives with his ex then he dosen't want someone to know about you. You better open your eyes or he is going to disappear right in front of them.
2006-08-02 09:24:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You invaded his privacy ..... you were wrong. If you did not do that, you would not know this information and he probably isn't even acting on it. He's probably just having fun. Let it be. It drives me INSANE when people keep invading each other's privacy -- you find out things you may not like or want to know. I've been married 25 years and neither of us have EVER invaded each other's privacy -- mail, email, anything. I don't even go in his wallet unless he asks me to for a reason and he doesn't shuffle through my purse. You were wrong.
2006-08-02 09:23:18 · answer #10 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋