How long would you wait *serious answers only please*?

Question

It'll be our 3 year anniversary August 18th. He's 29, I'm 24. I don't necessarily want to get married right now but if he proposed to me, say today, I would definitely say yes. To tell you the truth though, I don't know if it will ever happen. We do live together though so I think that's a good start. I would just like to know how long would you wait until you sat down with your significant other to have "the talk" about getting married? We do say things like "when we get married" and "if we get married" but as far as a serious conversation goes it never gets to that point. I'm a little nervous about bringing it up period because I don't want him to ever feel pressured BUT at the sametime it'd kinda be nice to know that it will adventually happen.

Answer 1

Be honest with him. Start by asking him if he ever wants to get married-don't say right now, say in the future, just to keep him from freaking out. Ask him if it's something he sees happening in 2 years, five years......if he says ten, I would be skeptical. Just a wee bit.
To be honest, I did that just a few weeks after I met my fiancee. He was divorced, and I asked him flat out, if he would ever get married again. It was something I wanted, and if he didn't, I was going to say good bye. We were living together almost a year when I got pregnant. I didn't pressure him, I just asked if he wanted to eventually get married. He said yes. Four months after that, I got my ring. He left the date and planning to me, and I opted to wait until Oct. 2007 (two years of engagement total). Mostly because my brother is in Iraq, and I want to wait for him to come home. A good part of it is, though, that I'm not in a rush to stress myself out, I want to take my time planning.
To all the naysaysers, just because they live together, doesn't mean he will never propose. My fiancee and I lived together, a couple I know lived together, my mom and my stepdad lived together........some men just like to take their time. Not all of them are pigs, despite what you may think!

Answer 2

I would just ask him if he is Really going to marry you or just keep talking about it also if you are living together for 7 years you are by law consider married any way if it is a issue of money you can get married in front of the Justice of the Peace for 10 dollars in Mich so money should not keep any one from getting married but maybe he just thinks he likes things the way they are and won't ever make the next step you could just say we should set some goals to be prepared for the future so then sit down and say when do you want to get married CZ we should set a goal tell him you should really have about 2 years to plan a really good wedding but you can plan one in a month I just did it. I have been married 3 times and this was the least amount of planning but the very best wedding I have ever had I also have planned over 20 weddings and I think is better than all of them put together but if you at least talk to him you will know where you stand!!! also The man i just married I have loved him for 24 years and it was Worth the wait I just wish we could have been married 24 years ago!

Answer 3

You have to be very careful here, because if a man feels the slightest bit of pressure he'll freak out. I think you guys are on the right path if you both make comments about "when we get married". Wait until after your anniversary, you never know he could be planning to ask you then. But, I would definitely bring it up in the next 6 months or even the next year. Try to talk to him when he's not preoccupied with something else and just make it clear there is no pressure that you just wanted to make sure that he does want to be married to you one day. My husband and I were together for 3 1/2 years before he proposed to me, and we were also living together. Good luck!

Answer 4

So, do you want to be married to this guy or not? You sound very wishy washy here, so if he's picking up on that--and I'm sure he is--he's not going to be in any hurry to ask you. Most guys don't want to ask any question, much less the "will you marry me" question, until they're fairly certain of what the answer will be.

I'd sit down with my guy, and have a serious, heart to heart about it. Tell him how you REALLY feel, and that you'd like to at least know that marriage is on the horizon.

BTW, I don't happen to agree that living together is a great start. I honestly think it makes guys think that they don't have to make that final commitment and get married. Also, there are many legal benefits (and financial) to being legally married, you don't get those for cohabiting.

In my case, my hubby and I met, we were friends for a little over a year, he asked me out after I dumped the jerk I had been seeing. After not quite a month he asked me to marry him. We were engaged for 6 months, and have been married for over 18 years with 2 children.

Answer 5

My 4th year anniversary with my bf is on the 15th of August! Too funny! Anyways, I felt that time was dragging on so I started to give him hints, in fact, I went so far as to start planning a wedding and he hadn't Even asked me. It all really depends on the guy- mine?, well he caught the drift right away. We both know we aren't going anywhere, and since I am starting to get a bit restless from the waiting, he knew it was time. If you think your hubby may start to pull back if you have that conversation, I say have a small conversation with him and state out your concerns.

If your relationship is going to stay where it is for 10 more years I say you get out now. You might actually find someone who wants to get married. And who knows- he may just be waiting for the right time to pop the question. (if all else fails you can ask him!).

Maybe you can start out the conversation like "____, we have been together for 3 years so far. I know we have talked before, even though very minimal, about marriage, but i think we should talk about it now. I am not trying to force the subject, but for my own sanity, I just want to know where you see our relationship going, say in the next year or two. I really want to marry you, but because I love you and respect you, I value your opinion and input on this"

Answer 6

I was with my ex-boyfriend for over 4 years, lived with him for the last 2. We talked about "if" and occasionally "when" but I never pressed the issue. One day he asked me if I "wanted to get married" (not proposing, just asking) and I just replied that the day before it becomes common law I was going to move out for a few months and move back in because if I'm going to be married it is going to be with a ceremony. We never expected to break up and I never expected to want to get married if he didn't. When we went to his brother's wedding everything changed. People kept asking us when we were going to get married and I realized that I did want to get married and that he didn't. It was kind of a rude wake-up call but we drifted apart soon after that and broke up within 5 months.

I know your experience might be different, but you already know that you want to get married eventually. Find out if he ever plans to get married, by 29 he should have decided. If not, you two do not have the same goals. Examine if you will be happy with that. Make your decision based upon that.

Looking back, I think after 3 years it is reasonable to talk seriously and honestly about what your intentions are. The truth may hurt, but at least you would know and have the choice to move on. If the truth is good news, then celebrate!

Answer 7

OH why don't you just sit him down? If you feel it than share it. But he's not a mind reader so he won't know you want to have the serious talk unless you initiate it. If you guys have already talked about it and its been three years you shouldn't be apprehensive about sharing your feelings, should you??!!!!
Its no big deal. OBviously he can't be that scared of the prospect if you guys talk as though you are going to get married someday. Don't make it scary by starting it off with "We need to have a discussion" just ASK laying in bed or on the couch casually- start talking about weddings, someone's wedding you've been to, ask how he's imagined his wedding, if he's ever given it thought. Make it a conversation- after 3 years together you should be able to talk, yeah?
And as for "how long you should wait" for him to just propose? Well, you should wait as long as you are willing to than LEAVE. But you can't pressure someone to want something they don't and you certainly don't want him proposing before he's ready because thats not what marriage is about.

Answer 8

First, why do you need to be married? You don’t need to be married to be with the one you love, you already are. All you get from marriage is a piece of paper that says you love each other and a lot of lost money. I don’t understand why people seem like they need to be married, you don’t.

Second, if you do decide to get married anyway. Just start a casual conversation with him, by now I believe you two are at a point when you can share your feelings and thoughts openly. Don’t say to him, “We have to get married,” that will put too much tension on the subject, and if he is not ready it could drive him away. Just be casual and have a nice, un-tensionized (that’s not a word I know), conversation.

Good luck either way.

Answer 9

After 3 years imho, you deserve to know where you stand. If he isnt going to commit to you, then it may be time to move on, if you want to be married and have children you should get that. You should tell him how you feel, if you have been together that long and you feel he is your soulmate, then you should get what is rightfully yours a commitment on a piece of legal document saying he is fully and 100 percent commited to you. If something tragic happens, the girlfriend has no rights, as a wife you do. Marriage is more than a piece of paper, but in the eyes of the law sometimes that paper is all that matters. He is getting all the perks of marriage in your home right now, but none of the sacrifices or commitment. Good luck

Answer 10

Personally, I don't feel that a couple has to get married in order to have a true bond. But, if it's important to you sweetie, talk to him about it. Tell him your fears, tell him that you don't have to set a date in stone, but you would like to know that it will happen eventually.

See me, I'm on the opposite end of you. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years...and he's talking about the "M" word, see I can't even say it - ha ha ha...and I'm the one totally freaking out...but, I was once in a very violent marriage..so it's understandable.

Anyway honey, be honest with him...you MAKE it get to that point, be open & honest. Tell him you are NOT trying to pressure him, but that you need to know for your OWN peace of mind where he really stands on this subject..

Good luck sweetie, Marilyn