I have been involved with a guy who is practically by boyfriend, everyone thinks we are together. We tell each other we love each other and everything so we pretty much are together we just don't have the title. He tells me that he wants to be able to do things with other people but he doesn't want to hurt me. His exact words are, "we're not married and I just hate feeling like we are tieing each other down. I care for you and those other girls won't mean anything to me, but I don't want to lose you." I said okay but really inside, that would kill me to know that he does stuff with other people, I just don't feel the need to do that. How do I handle this, let him go and let him realize everything was right in front of him, or allow this to be an open realtionship when I love him with everything I have? Both men and women help!!
2006-08-02 08:07:07 · 35 answers · asked by Brittney M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He claims he doesn't want to pursue anything sexual.... just little pitty things I guess???
2006-08-02 08:23:00 · update #1
Tell him how your feel! You have too! If he really loves you, he will not want his actions to hurt you, If he is not willing to be commited to you then he is not ready for a relationship with you or anyone else. Don't pressure him, it will be bad in the long run. He will resent you for pushing him. I say......tell him to go away, sow his wild oats and if he is lucky you will still be there when he is done. If you are not, well, he lost out. His choice.
2006-08-02 08:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wouldnt be comfortable or pleased with an open relationship from the sounds of it.
Both of your wishes, needs, and thoughts about the relationship/from it appear to be different. Perhaps with conversation those differences could be resovled, but it sounds like if he wants to be with other people yet not lose you, he doesnt care for you in the same way you care for him and expect him to care in return. You may have something unique and deep but it is not parallel.
It also sounds selfish to me that he wants to keep you for himself, without consideration to how it might feel for you, or without asking your comfort etc. He's acting on his own needs and not yours. Despite how much of a bond you may have, he seems to be a self-centered partner.
I would let him go. Because even if I had a great bond with a man, when I realized that he were that selfsih, I would change my mind about how great a guy he was in the first place, and I would realize that I wasn;t losing much- and that when I find someone who is NOT selfish, I would gain more than I lost and be better fulfilled.
2006-08-02 08:14:40 · answer #2 · answered by Yentl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same exact situation. I just decided to allow him to have his "fun" and do what he had to do. I trust him enough to know that this is just something he needs to get out of his system. I too dont want other guys, but let me tell you this much. as much as you dont want to know he is with other girls, it is the same with him not wanting to know you are with other guys. My honey said it was more that I was ok with an open relationship and didnt put pressure of having a title and feeling tied down. To each their own...but this works for me and I am enjoying my open relationship. But if this is not ok with you then all you can do is let him go. He is going to hurt you one way or another and it will be easier on you if you let him go, instead of him leaving you for another. Its not fair for him to keep you hangin around with I love you's. Because if he did love you then he would create a relationship that the two of you are comfortable with. I Hope this helps a little....Besos...
2006-08-02 08:20:31 · answer #3 · answered by EJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are his "security blanket" for when he doesn't find the perfect girl by the time he's ready to settle down. Also when he's not gettin' any he can come and get it from you because he knows you'll be there to fall back on. If someone truly cares for you then they will put you and only you first. So many women fall into this romantic facade that these type of men put over. Don't hit yourself in the head and wonder why you have a headache. Find someone who will put forth the effort in you that you put in them...
2006-08-02 08:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by mother_flower 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he is saying, "I want to have my cake and eat it too." I want you to be there when I want you and back off when I dont. I want to get what I want and dont care about what it is that you want. I dont want to be tied down. ME ME ME ME ME.
If he is seeing other women and will not or cannot be "tied down" he does not really love you. He is using you and you are letting him You need to tell him you deserve to have a man that just wants YOU and NO ONE else. The chances of him staying monogamous are slim if he does commit. You already have your answer, you know this relationship is not good for you and you will always want more. Why arent you demanding it. He doesnt respect you. He gets what he wants, when he wants, because you LET him. Leave him and find someone who loves you the way you are at all times and is happy enough with you that he doesnt WANT or need to be with anyone else. This guy is a loser.
2006-08-02 08:13:09 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds like it could be one of two things;1) either he really doesn't care for you the same way you care for him or 2) He is afraid of commitment. I know that this may hurt you but i would leave him alone just because i have been there done that, and as much as i loved him it hurt just as much to try to stay and be there for him. If he really and truly loves you he will come around in due time but please don't put your life on hold for 4 years (like i did), just to realize that he will never completely be yours as long as you allow him to mess over you. Show him what he will be missing.
2006-08-02 08:18:54 · answer #6 · answered by diamondcut 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he strays, he stays (away)! There are too many things out there he can bring back that will kill you. The answer today is fidelity. The alternative is death. You get to choose. One time is all it takes. Turn the tables on him. Tell him you think it would be OK for you to stray, but that you could not allow that for him. Make him really believe that. Tell him you really need more. If not, you become a slave. I really wish you the best.
2006-08-02 08:18:52 · answer #7 · answered by Pey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is entirely up to you. Choices:
1) Tell him it is OK and start worrying about diseases.
2) Tell him no. He must pick you or them. Have the self respect and dignity to leave if he picks them over you.
3) Get married at the courthouse next week. Will marriage stop him from cheating?
It is up to you. I'd leave him. People don't change. You may never be able to fully trust him.
2006-08-02 08:09:21 · answer #8 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both are into each other. Just ask him out. If you both care for each other than what's the point of saying ok and you feel something else. Ask him out and don't be afraid. Do not let him go if you have strong feelings for him. I bet he does too, but he probably don't want to be rejected. Ask him out and I bet everything will be ok.
2006-08-02 08:16:24 · answer #9 · answered by Brandon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not compromise your pride, girl. He wants to have you on the side along with whoever else he wants, too. I know this is going to be hard, but you have got to let this dude go. Just tell him that you are not cool with this "arrangement" that you guys have. He'll either understand and walk away, or cheat on you behind your back. It doesn't sound like he is as interested in you as you are him.
2006-08-02 08:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋