I guess I have some sort of social anxiety?

Question

I have a really hard time smiling(because I think I look silly) and keeping eye contact with people. I tell myself that I just don't care and that I don't want to meet new people or anything..but yet I walk away from situations with people feeling bad because they act like I come off as mean or something. Like the other day at Best Buy I walk up to the cashier girl and she just kinda acts like I'm weird and it was probably because I didn't look her in the eye or smile. Yet, I feel that if I did do those things she might like me..and then I wouldn't know what step to take next. What can I do to overcome these social problems that I have?

Answer 1

I wouldn't go so far as to say you have Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)... but you are definitely a bit more shy than I think you are comfortable being. (People with SAD *WANT* to be social... but they can't bring themselves to be that way. So they aren't necessarily comfortable being so shy, etc.)

It stems from low self-esteem, not being comfortable in social situations where you're unsure as to how to act, etc.

When you get into the more severe levels of SAD, you will completely avoid social situations, not go anywhere (by yourself) where you don't know someone (store, library, etc), and other things like that.

If you are always thinking that a group of people across the room are talking about you.. or if you pass two people on the sidewalk and you hear them laugh and you think they're laughing about you... think of it this way: What makes you so great that people would take that much time out of their day to switch their conversation to the topic of YOU? See what I mean? Sounds sort of smart-***-ish, but really... if you think about it that way, you may begin to see things differently.

As for the cashier situation at Best Buy - a little eye contact and a friendly smile is natural for most people. No one is going to instantly like you because of your doing something 95% of the population already does (as in, eye contact and smiling).

What can you do to overcome them? Well, I don't think you're so far gone as to need therapy, but it definitely cannot hurt. You don't want it to progress any further than this, that's for sure. Having SAD is hell... I know. Some people can overcome it by immersing themselves in the situations that they fear. Others need medication, etc.

Btw.. what type of musician are you? ;)

Good luck... :)

Answer 2

If you really want to change you will have to develop a new mindset...because a lot of your fears and anxieties with socializing come from the thoughts you have about yourself and others. Think though actions you want to take...like next time you are going to Best Buy think though it in your car 1st (okay I'm going to smile and make eye contact with the cashier because I want to be a nice person. I'm going to say thank you and have a nice day and then leave). Take it a little at a time otherwise you will get frustrated...it takes time to change the way you habitually think.

Personally, the things that I really wanted to do in life required me to be social with others and build relationships (something I really didn't want to do...I liked being by myself). But what I realized is that in order to do the things that would really fulfill my life I had to change...and after awhile (months) I began going up to people I hardly knew to start a conversation. But it all started by making myself be social which was uncomfortable for awhile.

Answer 3

You just have to do it man. Sure looking people in the eye's is considered almost weird by our society but its a very good practice. From the story you added I assume that some of your anxiety problem is the fact that you don' know how to approach girls. I'll tell you this girls don't like pansies. If you can't even look em in the eye why in the world would they be interested in you. Mind you this does not apply exclusively to meeting girls, if you look anyone in the eyes, especially if they are a total stranger, it shows that your confident and secure. Smiling, now this ones even harder, yes smiling does make you look silly, that's why its such and important gesture. Again it shows that your confidant and secure in your surroundings. Also smiling and laughing allot works wonders on the ladies. If they see you smiling and laughing they will get the idea that your fun and might want to share in this with you. No one wants to share your doom and gloom with you but everyone(at least those you do want to meet) would love to share a good laugh. As for the next step, if you manage to meet someone and would like to know them better you going to have to ask them for some sort of contact information. If your to embarrassed or whatever to ask for say their phone number ask if they have an e-mail you could reach them at. If they say no don't forget to look at them funny(like tilting your head a little) and ask if they have electricity...crack a sly smile to make sure they no your just being silly and if they laugh keep it up.
Good luck man
Just so you know I'm allot like you. I used to rarely smile and never went out of my way to meet people. The best way I found to fix this was to get some silly friends. Now we walk around town together and goof off all the time in public, trust me its great fun and people will notice you if your having fun.

Answer 4

I went thro this a few years ago. And it is a social anxiety disorder.It is hard to get over, but you need to. first start with your self. Make sure you look like you want to every day and love yourself. This is the most important step. If your town offers any comunity programs like a drama or debate or public speeking class you should take it. this really helped me. Even when I feel unconfertabul talking to someone,I have skilles I learned in these classes that I can fall back on and they come so natrual. the classes are usuly like 35 $ or something. It is well worth that!! The last step is to PUT yourself out there. Live your life every day! Dont be so scared to get hurt or embaressed that you never put yourself out there. ppl love other ppl with confedence!just push till you are happy with you!!!

I really hope this helps. I know how you feel. And it can lead to major depression in some cases. And that is horribul. Dont let it go any further.

Answer 5

I used to have quite a lot of panic attacks when in company when I was younger and like you any kind of confrontation had me trembling.I've always been a worrier and had no confidence,since I've grown older I am not nearly so bad.I got a job in home-care and I feel this has helped by being responsible for other people.I wish now I'd asked for professional help and not suffered all these years but I felt embarrassed and silly which I can see now was stupid as so many others go through the same agonies.Please get some medical help and don't go through life like this maybe you wont be cured but they will learn you to cope I am sure.Best of luck.

Answer 6

Work on your self esteem. Somewhere along the line, a family member must have told you that you are not that pretty, or somehow ruined your social skills. You had a bad experience before, right?

You should smile at people, lets them know you are friendly. Alway look people in the eye whe you talk to them- it shows respect. You might feel akward, but you need to restore your confidence. Look at yourself in the mirror and try to make minor changes that might make you feel better about yourself.

Try a new hairstyle, or give yourself a makeover, manicure and pedicure.

Answer 7

I think that you have low self esteem since you seem to have a low opinion of yourself and the way that you look. You may need to go and speak with someone about what is going on for you since if this has been going on for a while then it might be a more difficult pattern to move away from.

Stop being concerned about what other people think you look like, I know that is easy to say and much harder to do. I used to be the same when I was a teenager thinking I was ugly or strange looking, my eyes were too small or my face was too fat and I always compared myself to other people to figure out what I should look like.

You should look like you and nobody else, since that is who you are suppose to be!!

:)

Answer 8

Treat people like you want to be treated. I'm sure you like it when people smile and are polite to you, give them the same courtesy. If you cant look people in the eye instinctively most people who dont know you will think you are hiding something/ not good. Relax learn to like yourself for who you are and smile, this will allow people who dont know you yet to see that you are approachable.. Good luck.

Answer 9

You think too much. Just go off of instinct. Don't worry if you don't know what to do next. Improvise. Don't worry they act like they think you're wierd. Normal people are waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too lame. Bold people stand out and are socially accepted. DOn't be afraid of confrontation, it'll just pass over.

Answer 10

It's okay to be a little shy. Not everyone can be 'Mr./Ms. Congeniality'. Just be yourself and be confident about who you are. It's not your job to make every person you casually come in contact with happy.
If you feel like your anxiety is affecting your personal relationships (i.e. your family and close friends) then you may want to consider talking to a professional.