Might I be having a problem w/ lust?

Question

I need a good believer to help me with this one. There's a girl I like and I think about her a lot. Any intense desire like this is probably lust. What should I do.

Serious answers please. It is not a matter of me having a ***** when I think of her. I don't want her for sex, I have a very strong desire to give her the same feelings she gives me. I just think it's a bit much is all.

Answer 1

Don't listen to those other answers! Except Nickster - good stuff there!
Ok, we have been given this sexual desire by God to be fullfilled in marraige. Thinking about her alot is not lusting - acting on those feelings and making them a sexual focus is. Read, pray and get into the word, and as the Lord to help you think of her respectfully and appropriately - as Him to direct your relationship and seek out scripture that relates to this to guide you.
Its fantastic that you care about this and want to make sure you are acting and being appropriate. Bless you! You will make a great husband one day!

Answer 2

I don't know the community from which you come. In many parts of the world, seeing a girl and marrying is the norm of the day.
God made man and woman for a very specific purpose that they multiply and are fruitful and fill the earth. Marriage has been ordained for this. You are the best judge to know if your desire is merely physical. The problem with lust is it is temperory. It is a work in the flesh by the devil. Jesus says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in her heart." Mat 5:28.
If it is only lust, you may find that you will not like the alliance after some time. As did Amnon after he raped Tamar (II Sam 13: 1-22)
I am sad to note the number of divorces increasing in Christian countries. It is ideal to look up to God for his will. I am sure that he will guide you.

Answer 3

You don't mention what your thoughts are.

If you find her attractive and wish you could sit and talk to her, that is perfectly normal.

If you think it would be wonderful to hold her close, that is something God put in humans. Without that desire to be close the human race would have become extinct.

However it is one thing to think, "She sure is pretty, wish I could be near her."
And it is quite another to think, "I sure would like to stick my hands up her blouse and have sex with her."

Since you are not married that would be selfish on your part and disrespectful toward her. SINFUL! Imagine if you had a sister and you heard some guy talking about what he would like to do to your sister. Or if you don't have a sister, then to your mother!! You wouldn't like it I'm sure.

Give every girl or woman the same respect you want for your mother or sister, and you shall not lust.

Remember, God will forgive you if you have lustful thoughts, you need only ask Him and it is forgotten as though it never happened.

You might even feel aroused just looking at her or being near her, but that is a physical reaction, not mental. It is the mental that you can learn to control with Gods help. Just tell Him you worry that your thoughts might be sinful and ask Him to help you have a proper attitude toward her. Most likely she will begin to sense that "good" attitude and start liking you.

A slightly different example that removes it from woman.

If you see a car you like and you think, "wow that is a nice car"
That is not lustful. That is just appreciation for something visually appealling

However, if you think, "I want that car and I'll get it no matter what".
Well, that is lust.

Hope that helps clear up the issue.

Now I suggest you go and talk to God about it. The sooner you get it settled in your mind the sooner you can feel "normal" and get on with your life.

Best of luck..............

Answer 4

well, if this is a serious question i will give you a serious answer. it sounds like you have a christ-like attitude because you have recognized that this desire is a little strong and possibly bordering lust. christians are those who recognize their sin and want to be changed and i think you are doing that. my answer is very basic but very effective in my life and many other chrisians i have talked to. read the Word and pray. God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear and he will always provide a way out when you are close to giving in to your temptations. obviously, make sure the girl is a christian. if she's not you shouldn't be desiring to be in a relationship with her in the first place. ask God to turn your heart towards him and to cause you to walk in life of holiness. we will never be on this side of eternity but we should always be striving for that goal. hope i helped a little bit.

Answer 5

Say the same thing to God. He will strengthen you. He gives unto men weaknesses that they will come unto him, then he makes those weaknesses into strengths. Also, you can be tempted but it is important not to act on them. Try to read more scriptures, focus on pure thoughts. If you really like the girl go out on a date, ask her out. Sometimes our thoughts get carried away, but if we replace the thoughts with a real relationship we can learn how to truly respect one another. The desire should be there it is the way things are so we can choose a companion, it is a God given gift, How to use it properly is a little more difficult to understand. Being up front about your concern is a good start and definitely a lot of Christians struggle with this situation. Good luck. I have read some articles that give a little more detail on how to avoid thoughts, if you are interested in specific things email me.

Answer 6

Take a look at Colossians chapter 3, it will give you some insight on how to cool your feelings toward this girl. Step back and take an objective look at her. Instead of noticing how good looking she is, examine her attitude, how she treats other people, how she deals with different situations. Can she hold a conversation? Is she good with little kids? How does she treat older people and people with disabilities? Does she show respect for people in authority? How does she treat her parents? Sometimes this helps to calm you down. Maybe she is great in all those areas and you are still interested. In that case you must strive to keep yourself busy with other things, and keep your mind occupied. Pray to God for strength, the Bible teaches that He gives us "power beyond what is normal" in order to help us do what is right. It will not be easy, but, if you are determined and don't give up, eventually your feelings for this girl will cool down.

Answer 7

Well, I think this is perhaps lust, but relax. Lust is associated with crushes and infatuation, and those can lead to marriage. Mine did. :o) The thing is, you are a human, and you're a male with testosterone. I applaud you for being concerned (most wouldn't be). Here is what I think: ask the Lord to take care of this for you. Tell Him that you don't want to lust, because you know that isn't good, but you don't know what you're supposed to do. Ask Him that if it is His will, to bring the two of you together.

Answer 8

Ah "love is a many splendored thing. Love and lust are sometimes hard to discern and hard to separate.

As a believer, I encourage you not to beat yourself up at all for having these positive loving feelings for someone of the opporsite sex. If it's love, great. If it's just sexual and/or lust. That's normal.

The difficult part is processing it all and keeping our head straight as to what is what.

One thing you only learn with time is that you can't really say you "love a person for who they are" until you get to know them. If you don't know this gal yet, then you really don't know if you love her. And, even if your feelings are not so sexual, they can still be classified as "enfatuation."

Here's what I suggest. 1) Find a healthy, balanced and trusted mentor that you can share and process your feelings with. 2) Get to know the gal that you have these wonderful feelings for- date her if you're old enough and hang together as friends if you can.

She may or may not have or develop feelings for you. Try and let your christian understanding of purity and unconditional love guide you. And, remember that your feelings are not your finest guide but learning to manage your feelings is a large part of growing up as a christian and as a plain old dude.

Love, joy and peace.

Answer 9

Dear Curious,

The first thing you want to do is pray a lot! You may also want to consider- what it is that you like about her! Do you just find her "hot?" or are there character qualities about her that you find attractive.

While lust itself is not a sin- it can lead to sin- ie: thoughts (letting your imagination run wild), and other sins. i would advise you to finding a more mature older brother in the church and having an accountability partner. i have a purity partner who i can share everything with and it really helps- we pray for each other, and encourage each other. And it reminds me of Christ- because instead of receiving condemnation i receive mercy and grace and the kindness of God causes me to change and repent. i can help in terms of listening but ideally you should have a person who you can contact regularly and who knows your walk to help you the best.

[e-mail]

Answer 10

The most attractive thing in Vaishali, the capital city of Lichhavis, was the beautiful dancer Amrapali. She was named after the mango grove she was first found in. Everybody was eager to win her love. She chose to be the Nagarvadhu, wife to the whole city.

One day, Amrapali saw a young monk. Mesmerised by his calm and attractive presence, she followed him. The sanyasi settled down beneath a mango tree, unmindful of her presence. Unable to attract his attention, she spoke: “Sir, please introduce yourself. Why do you lead an ascetic life in your youth?”

“In search of Truth”, replied the monk. Amrapali was first taken aback. She then teased him: “Of what use is the Truth that wastes your youth?” The monk smiled: “Lady, Absolute Happiness can only be attained thus for the happiness you seek is transitory pleasure”.

Amrapali persisted. “Dear, leave this delusion and enjoy my hospitality which even royalty desires to experience”, offered Amrapali. The monk thought for a moment and said, “I will ask my master. If he allows me, I will come”. Then he took out a ripe Amra Phal (mango) from his bag and gave it to her with the instruction that the fruit be preserved without decay till his return.

The monk returned to Buddha’s shelter and narrated the incident. Buddha gave him permission to stay with Amrapali, much to the puzzlement of other disciples. Buddha calmly said, “I have looked into his eyes — there was no desire. If I had said ‘no’, even then he would have obliged. I trust his meditation”.
In the meantime, Amrapali tried all methods to keep the mango fresh, but failed. After one month, the young monk returned. Passionately infatuated, she approached him. The monk ordered, “Lady! Bring me the Amra Phal”. She did so; but the mango had decayed, emitting foul odour and was full of worms.

She asked, “Dear, of what use is this rotten fruit to you?” The monk slowly removed the mango-stone from the fruit. Showing her the rotten skin, he spoke, “Where has the beauty, aroma and taste of the fruit gone? Whereas, the mango-stone is intact and free of decay”. “Of what use is this mango-stone”, argued the courtesan.

The monk smilingly explained, “The mangostone is the most useful. As a seed, it has the potential to regenerate a new body. Likewise, a human being’s meditation is never wasted. This mango-stone signifies the eternal Soul. The protection of the Soul is the real shield; that is the absolute Happiness. Recognise this Truth, Amrapali. You, who could not save the decay of this Amra Phal, how long can you protect your own body from disintegration?”

The Nagarvadhu was speechless; it was as if she had been awakened from a deep sleep. Moved, she asked forgiveness of the young monk. She felt cleansed and expressed her desire to see the monk’s master.

Later, Buddha visited Vaishali and stayed at Amrapali’s abode. She touched Buddha’s feet and said, “I tried my best to attract your monk, but he convinced me by his awareness that real life is in your shelter”. She renunciated the life of a courtesan and donated her belongings to the Buddhist Sangha.

Buddha accepted her in the monastery as a disciple, to the chant of “Sangham sharanam gachhami, Dhammam sharanam gachhami”.