Anybody have any input on how to deal with my newly wed wife?

Question

She is not bonding with my son. Her attitude towards him is very unkind. What should I do about this?

Sorry, she has a child and that is just the problem. She thinks im treating them differantly, so in turn she gets mad when I try to show any affection towards my son. It is hard for me not to show any affection to him because he is only with me every other weekend.

We have been together for 2 years and merried for 2 months. She was very nice and caring towards his until we got merried.

Answer 1

... Ok lets do this .. not gonna sit here and tell you should have not married her .. lets solve this prob.....ok i take it he is not with you all the time.. on the weekends ... but if he is just gonnas take some time to adust. let her take him out to get luch or to a park .. let them bond with out you ...your son has alot to do with it working .. he has to try ... but it will take time.. it is hard for your wife... bc thats a pc of your ex wife or girlfriend your loving on ... so give it time and she will come to ... but dont ever stop being your son's rock .. be their for him and never blame him for anything that goes down with you and your wife...

Answer 2

This is definately an issue that should've been considered before you made her your wife. But you made your bed- so... I would suggest you talk to her about her behavior, not in front of him (as not to belittle her and undermine her so he doesn't respect her) I don't know his age but that matters alot. If he is very receptive towards her and she is just cold, than it is she that you need to discuss this with. BUT if your son is older and was not receptive to any warmness she did project in the beginning that may be why she has shut down and you cannot blame her entirely. Understand this is a relationship between your wife and your son that needs to be built together (it takes two to make it work) and in this situation you should definately facilitate that connection but you cannot force it. You need to figure out the root of the problem- WHY she is unkind towards him. Is she jealous? Does she feel threatened? Or does he treat her poorly and she is simply responding? Again the age of your son is necessary to give better advise but talk to her. Thats important in simply a marriage, much more so in a marriage where theres a child involved.

Answer 3

I must agree with the others. Didn't you know she was unkind towards your son before you married her? If I had a child I would care less about how I got along with my spouse and more about how my spouse got along with my child. His/Her well-being is the most important thing. Either way the only thing you can do now is tell her that you love her son. You can't force a 'bond' but I don't see a reason why she can't be nice to him unless he's a rude kid with no manners.

Answer 4

Believe me it is very hard for her to have to deal with a new situation, especially a child that is not hers. I've been there myself. When I fisrt got married to my husband I wanted it to be just me and him, so we could et to know each other find out all of the little things about aach other. But that wasn't happening because he had a very young son from a previous relationship(2 yrs old). It was hard for me to be around his child because I was a new person to him and he got more attention from his father than I did. Talk to your wife and ask her what is wrong. She might feel the same way, and reassure her that you married her for a reason, but your son is a very important part of your life and she knew this comming into this marriage. Give her time alone with your son, ask her tot ake him to the park or chuck-e-cheese(if he is young) or go do something with him so she can bond with him, and laugh with him, then maybe her feeling will change. Good Luck to you and just remember it is har for her right now too.

Answer 5

It's a little late now. You are seeing her true colors concerning your son. Does she hate your son's mom. Is she his step-mom? She either has to learn to play nice or you need to keep your son away from her.

Before I would consider a new wife, I would first make sure that she is compatible with my son. That's FIRST. Whether or not she is nice, physically attractive/satisfying, or whatever else is way, way down the list from being a good mom.

I am sorry that you got your son into this potentially miserable, life-long situation. You need to find a way to resolve this issue. Depending on the child's age, divorce may be the only solution. Well, that or send your son off to live elsewhere and never to visit dad and step-mom.

Answer 6

OK well how long did you know her before you married her? Was she like that to him before you got married to her?
I would sit her down and talk to her if she can't respect your son and give him the love that he needs then you do not need to be with someone like that. So i would sit her down tell her how you feel about the way she treats your son and that it needs to be resolved or you can't be with someone like that. He is your son and deserves the best from you and your wife but if she can't then send her packing. If it was me i would have sat that person down fixed it and if it continues then that person would get the boot. Your son is your son and that will never change but you can always find a more warm and kind loving woman that should treat him with the respect that he deserves.
I hope that it works out for you.

Answer 7

How is she unkind? Why is she unkind? I was in a situation like this with my ex fiance. Don't get me wrong, I loved his little boy, and his mom was a horrible mother. So it was up to me to throw birthday parties, take him clothes shopping, I had him more than she did. But my fiance at the time had no CLUE how to discipline him...he bribed him with candy, and never punished him. And I was the one who had him all day. He knew every cuss word in the book by the time he was 3 from his mom's boyfriend. My fiance thought it was cool. He thought I was too hard on him, so I got stuck in the middle! Sit with her and talk about it...she may just be jealous that he is taking some of the love that you have for her...

Answer 8

It's time for a talk. Tell her that she is being unkind to your son and ask her if there is a problem. Really listen to what she says. Make sure that she knows that you love her and that your marriage is important to you, but that she also knows that your son is a big priority in your life and you don't want him to be put in a bad situation. Ask her what you can do to help make the relationship between her and your son better.

Answer 9

You need to talk to her. Find out her point of view as to why she is being unkind to him... it could be that maybe she is afraid to get close to him... or maybe she resents his being there when her relationship with you is still so new... the first year you are together there are alot of adjustments for both of you... maybe she doesnt really resent him but resents you and takes it out on him without meaning to. There could be alot of reasons why, your question is difficult to answer without any back ground about your relationship with your wife and the age of your son, and how often they are together, so basically all we can do is guess at it.. Your best bet is to talk to her... see what you can fix... and remind her that she is an adult and your son is a child and she needs to act accordingly and not be unkind to him...

Answer 10

Your child matters more than your wife. I'm sorry but I wouldn't marry someone who was unkind to my child. As a matter of fact, I would not even like that person. You need to tell her about it. Speak to her seriously. Be very firm. If she gets mad at you, that's her problem. If she can't get along with your son, then maybe you should just keep them apart as much as possible.

Answer 11

You probably do treat your son different than her child. You might be treating her child one way when your son is there and a different way when he is not and not even be aware of it. Just as you are protective of your son she is protectective of her child. The two of you need to sit down and talk things out. You need to find out if she is getting complaints from her child or possibly your son is causing her grief. He maybe trying to break up your new marriage in hopes you will get back with his mother. What you need to do is talk with your wife and make some decisions then sit down with the kids and talk thing through.