When adult children that live in your home are disrespectful, what would you do???

Question

My 18 year old, told me to "go F..... myself" this morning, because I questioned her about not calling work to let them know she wouldn't be in. Yesterday and today she did this. I've had it!

Answer 1

Dear Galeystarr,

It's amazing how so many people, or parents can launch attacks against their children. First of all, she is 18, she is a young 18 at that. Today children are introduced to so much so soon, they are forced to grow up without anyone's permission or protection. Your daughter loves you, but that can quickly change if you throw her away.

What, did she become magically responsible enough to live in the world just because she turned 18? I wonder how may people that have the opinion to cast their children away, grew up or developed the social skills needed to "make it" in this world at 18. She obviously needs social skills, she can't even speak with you respectfully. Yet, some think the best thing to do is kick her out.

Where did she learn to disrespect? Have you ever slapped her in the face? Shouted out obscentities in her presence, or directed at her? Are YOU perfect? How can you expect any child to be adult enough to survive in this garbage can of a world when all they know is to withdraw? Who wouldn't with this mob-like mentality here?

There is something deep rooted going on here that is much deeper than a lack of respect problem. She is hurting and it's deep. Why don't you try and find out what it is and let her know you are there for her, no matter what? If you are having trouble with patience, as you stated, "I've had it!" why not get counseling for yourself?

Talk to her pediatrician. What? It's been how long since she's seen a doctor? If I'm touching a nerve, it's working. Wake up and smell the coffee before it's too late. I took bad advice about tough love and I will die regretting it. Read my profile and you'll see how fast things can change in your life.

Can you imagine your life without your daughter? Toss her out, and you'll find out the hard way. Would you toss her out, or beat her a**, or punch her, or dump her at a homeless shelter, etc...when she first said, "No"? What was she, 7 or 8 months old then? She was developing her character, her very own unique personality. The first time she reached a milestone in life, didn't you celebrate it? She's the same child that put her tooth under her pillow. She needs you now more than ever.

Maybe she's afraid of growing up. Can't you remember, when you were too young for some things and too old for others? It's very hard for any one, especially if you're all alone. That's just the place she'll be if you take the majority advice for your question.

Love conquers all. Did you think about where God is in your life? Where he should be? Where you should be? I'm speakng purely from experience here. My 21 year old son is in the Air Force and I'm scared to death I'll never see him again. So is he. My 16 year old, now living with his father will forever feel abandoned by me and there's nothing I can do about it. He's extremely suicidal and it's killing me. So what the F*** is wrong with you, you never heard or used that language before? If you say, no, you're a liar.

Love your daughter. Find out why and where she's hurting. Encourage her to be the best she can be, and if she's not living up to most people's standards, you'll love her anyway. You can thank me later! I will pray for you and your situation. Please don't throw her away. She's your baby, even when she's 50! As long as you're alive, she's your baby. I wished I had a chance to do things over. My babies may not be living with me, but they will never doubt my love for them.

Best wishes to you and your daughter,
Raylene♥

Answer 2

Disrespectful Adult Children

Answer 3

Well, there is the modern line of thought that believes you should go up and ask her whats wrong. Find out what is troubling her and work together on a solution. Chances are if she pulled a no call - no show two days in a row she is going to lose her job or she has lost it already and just hasn't said anything.

My mom would have had another approach. If I said that, even today, I guarantee she would literally beat the pants off of me. Then give a me a choice, continue to live in her house subject to her rules, or move out and be an adult. If I chose to move out I wouldn't have to leave the key behind because shed have the locks changed before I was packed.

Answer 4

It sounds like his mom (or parents) have always taken care of him so he sees no reason to change things. Why does he have a part time instead of a full time job? If the economy is to blame then I would allow him to still live there but I would start charging him a reasonable amount of rent and ask him to chip in for the groceries and utilities. He should clean his own room and bathroom. And he should be looking for full time work with the plan being to get his own place as soon as he can afford it. He is an adult now and needs to stop acting like a child.

Answer 5

Tell your 18 year old if she doesnt get to work and help support the household then she can go it alone.
Dont make it easy for her to sit round.
As for swearing at you,im 36 and i have never used that language to my mother.
Your daughter has a big chip on her shoulder and an attitude.
Dont ignore her,she has to understand that she's now an adult and needs to act like one and be respectful.
Tell her if she doesnt ship up then she has to move out.
Tell her you will still love her but you cant cope with her attitude towards you.
Dont back down,stand your ground.
Your the provider to this girl and she needs to understand that without you she would have nothing.
Be strong and good luck

Answer 6

There you go, the magic word is "ADULT". Meaning that she should not be in your home anymore. If she is 18 and she can't learn to respect the parents, then she can learn to live by herself.
You know what? My parents still practice bitchslapping the kids, my sister knows the back and front of my mother's hand pretty well.
If your child disrespects you than, by all means you can do what ever it is necessary for her to learn to respect adults. Specially when she still live at home and eating food you make, using money you make to buy her clothes. Don't worry about the authorities or the police, they will understand you if you tell them you just trying to teach her some respect for adults.
If they call in child protective services, you can tell them to kiss you behind, because technically she is an adult.

Answer 7

Simply tell her that you are doing her a favor by letting her live in your home. Many children are booted out of their houses the second they turn 18. Remind her that she is lucky to be provided for and if she disrespects that she may be asked to leave. If the problem persists inform her that she will have to find alternate living arrangements.

Answer 8

Sit her down when there is no problems and discuss that you find that language unacceptable in your home. Do not attack her, just say that you understand that she is an adult, and she is welcome to stay as long as she respects your rules. You may though want to tell her that in the future you will not question how she decides to live her life (the calling in work thing), but tell her that she is now an adult and needs to act accordingly. Maybe if she is not going to school, tell her you will start charging rent. If she is going to go to school, tell her that she will have to pay for some of it since she is now an adult. But it is your home. If she wants to live there, she needs to respect you.

Answer 9

Pack her stuff (things she bought the things you bought I would keep there unless they were gifts of course)up for her and tell her to find some where to live. If she does not respect you enough to talk to you as she should you need to give her a good dose of reality!
You have every right to question her she is under your roof and as we all know you don't call in to work you loose your job.
Sound like she wants you to keep her up while she does what ever she wants to do.

Answer 10

In my opinion, once you've raise your child to age 18 you are free and clear, particularly if they are showing disrespect and not contributing to the household in a positive manner. Yes, you love your child, but don't allow her to treat you this way. It is time for her to move out and be on her own. If you want to be kind, give her a few weeks to move out, and stick firm to that date. If she doesn't have at least something lined up by that date it's time to box her stuff up and put it outside.

You need to stay strong on this one because it's obvious she doesn't think you are going to do anything about her attitude.

I like what that one poster said about the homeless shelter...excellent idea.

Answer 11

You have the right to a comfortable home life. Whether this is your daughter or not, if she is being verbally abusive, you have the right to tell her to leave. If she doesn't want to take responsibility for her employment, she needs to learn why it is important. She will change her tune when rent is late and she lost her job.
On the other hand, remember that she is an adult. You have to speak to her like an adult, not nag her like we mothers tend to do! :)
Try talking it out with her, and if that doesn't work, she needs to move out.