jealousy, help plz.?

Question

My g/f lives in Ny, i live in Ca, do you have any tips how I could be less jealous or not jealous, because she likes guys as friends more than girls, cause of the less drama thing, How cant i be jealous when she has a whole bunch of guy friends and im not there with her to hold her in my arms and take her on dates. I have very few girls as friends, because I dont want that to interfeer with her and I. I dont like being jealous, and she knows I am, but its hard. (I know she is going to find this question and get on my case, but i need some help) thanks

I know that she wouldnt cheat on me, but what if one of the guys got too friendly...I trust her, thats why I still know her after a year.

Answer 1

I think this may help you - I hope so. I am a female - 48 years YOUNG too so .... lots of experience. I had 2 brothers growing up. Although I had girlfriends to hang out with when I was young, as I got older, I seemed to hang around the guys mostly -- NOT that there was anything going on. There was NOT. Guys and girls CAN be friends (girls know this is true). It was true through high school and throughout my adult life. I've been married for 25 years and my best friend outside of my marriage is a male and it is strictly friendship. My husband has women who are friends too. We don't have a jealous relationship and I'm happy about that because that can make you sick inside. PLEASE try to understand. There truly is less drama girls/guy friends. Working with females is another issue --- it's pure hell sometimes. Backstabbing, gossiping. I am now working with men mostly and OMG what a difference!!! Try not to worry. I'm giving you this advice from a LOT OF YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. I'm exactly like your girlfriend in that regard. Hope you feel better.

Answer 2

I would say... Leave her.. Long distance relationships hardly ever work. I know that's not the answer you're looking for, but both of you are going to be paranoid and jealous until you live together.. The problem with jealousy is that it just shows how much you trust her. The more jealous you are... the less you trust her. The less you trust her.. The more it hurts the relationship. You CANNOT have a relationship without trust.. So.. Either learn to trust her.. or leave her. I would be the same way if I were you... and when I was away from my ex.. I would get the same way with him. It's not the best way to have a relationship.

Answer 3

Well its part of long distance and maybe thats just not right for you two.
You have to find what works for both of you. If this situation makes you worried and unhappy and she's not willing to adjust than you will just harbor this jealousy/etc and it will make you unhappy.
Jealous is a feeling, not something you can control, you can only choose what you do/don't do about it.
Example: My exboyfriend was a very jealous type. He would have problems with me going out with the girls because he would say "Oh but there are guys there" or "Oh but guy friends will SHOW UP" he's been kicked to the curb.
The new guy I'm seeing, I get together with my guy friends, he gets together with his girl friends. And its perfect because neither of us are jealous. And one of my friends yesterday raised an eyebrow to me going to dinner with a guyfriend. But thats just it, it doesn't matter because as long as you two are happy and trust eachother it works. So if you two do not have that trust and this is an issue, than deal with it (make changes) or get out of the relationship.
Good luck.
Long distance is hard.
And I know when the guy I'm seeing is long gone, my friends will always be here for me, and that is why I would never give up a single friend for a guy.

Answer 4

Long distance is very hard. I havent done it cause I wouldnt want to be in your situation. I have heard of some couples doing the same thing but seperately. Such as you both go to see the same movie the same night then discuss it and its like you saw it together. Or go to dinner with friends and talk about it. My best friend is a guy and I know my boyfriend isnt thrilled when I go see him (I live in CA and my best friend lives in CO) but he trusts me. My best friend has been with me for 14yrs and any guy who cant accept him cant accept me. You need to realize if you continue to be jealous over nothing you might lose her.

Answer 5

Well from what you said in your question you sound like a really nice guy. I can definitely understand your feelings of jealousy. I think you need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel but I get the feeling she already knows. The key to this problem is trust. You have to know in your heart she values the relationship the two of you have and will not do anything to damage the relationship. You need to feel secure in the relationship. Frequent communication is essential because you guys are so far apart. Just trust her and be secure in what you know is yours and only yours.

Answer 6

It is very, very difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. If there isn't any hope of you two being permanently together in the near future you might want to think of ending the relationship. I know that sounds hard, but the odds are the one or both of you will find someone closer to home and then it will be a sad thing to have to tell the other one.

Answer 7

If the guys are truly just friends, then you have no reason to be jelous. You are jelous because you are worried that they are more than friends. It sounds like an issue of trust. Long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain. If you can't get together and live in the same place, you should probably anticipate that one of these friendships will develop into something more.

Answer 8

Hey, jealousy is a normal feeling but if there is too much of it you will smoother her and she will feel like cheating. Trust me im a girl it's happened to me. It all leads back to if she is trust worthy cause if she is not you are just wasting your time. If you show her you care and try not to be so jealous she'll know you care for her and will not want any other guy besides you.

Answer 9

I'll be honest...
Get rid of her.
1. Long distance is difficult to work out anyway, especially under those conditions.
2. Too many guy friends is always a problem because one side or the other always wants more from it. She puts you in a situation where it is too easy to be jealous and she is not being fair to you.

Answer 10

Long distance relationships are extremely hard to survive as a couple, unless its only for a short period of time.

It is ok to be a little possesive (I don't like to share all my stuff either) however, being jealous will only bring negative things: you suffer and torture yourself with it, it might make her feel trapped by somebody over controling too.

Close or far, if she is not faithful, that's her doing not yours. You have no control over that, you only have control over yourself. Repeated accusations and lack of trust from your part can also push her to do what she is accused of, so make no mistake there.

Good luck, hope you get reunited soon.