My little girl has been an only child and grandchild until now. I am about to have a little boy and her aunt is going to have a baby too. She seems happy at times, but anytime she gets around my mother she says she doesn't want a baby because things will change. I have talked to my mother, but the damage has already been done. I want to know some ways to include her before and after the baby is born. I want her to get excited again. I have 4 weeks left until my due date.
2006-08-02 06:14:59 · 22 answers · asked by alleycat 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My daughter was also 3 when my son was born and she was only child/grandchild for that entire time AND her aunt was pregnant as well. So she was in panic no one will remember or love me mode-I'm big on letting her feel what she wants and being herself so I literally just let her tell me how she felt so she could feel heard and validated. After that we just talked about how wonderful she'd be as a big sister how fun it would be to help me and that I would really appreciate it. I've found with her if I'm dissapointed she feels awful and if I thank her and am gracious for her help she's so happy! We talked a lot about when the baby came home what she could do she started to get excited because she could help with the baths and pick out his clothes for the day. Once he was born there was a little regression on her part but once she found that we still loved her and wanted to be with her too she warmed up to him-I was worried she might hide him while I was in the shower or something but she'd scoot him close in his bouncer and "babysit" him while I was in the shower-Now he's almost 3 and she's 6 and they are the best of friends. She's a little mommy-teaching him things and singing to him and playing barbies with him-that's funny-her cousins are close to her as well-the aunt that was pregnant had another one in the mean time but Katie learned from having her brother that she's the BIG kid of the family....and that's cool too!
*****************ALSO I heard from someone when I was pregnant-When you see the oldest for the first time after the baby DON'T be holding the baby!! Greet the older one first with big hugs and stuff then show her the baby--Just a suggestion that I used Katie seemed to appreciate it.
2006-08-02 06:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Prepare for some regression. Often times children who gain a new sibling with start having bathroom accidents, acting out, baby talking. It is also very common for children to be jealous and mean to the newborn. She was the center of your world for 3 years and now she will soon have to share you. It will be hard for her. Talk to her now about how lucky she is that she is going to be a big sister. Get her a “big sister” shirt. She’ll feel proud. After the baby arrives, make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When the baby is sleeping, read her a story, do an art project (make a Froot Loop necklace), and things that show she is the "big girl" (she can help mommy make dinner, help with the baby...getting a diaper, let her pick out baby's outfit, help with the bath. Help her to understand that she is so lucky because can do so much more than a baby because she is older. Tell her things like "You did that by yourself! Look how high you climbed! You used so many colors on your picture!" These are great confidence builders! If she keeps getting messages like these, she should start to feel more confident in her new world. Good luck!
2006-08-02 07:46:18 · answer #2 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After the baby is born, let her help you with the baby. Just little things like holding the bottle or going to get the diaper when he needs changing. Be sure to tell her what a great job shes doing and that being a big sister is a very important role.
2006-08-02 06:21:35 · answer #3 · answered by msadvicegiver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i have a 5 year old son and i was pregnant again two years later.One definent thing you need to do is when you buy the baby new toys buy her one, too.Tell her how the baby is going to be so cute and will love to play with it's sister.Tell her that no matter what you are behind her and in every way you love both of them the same.Every time she thinks of something bad just tell her that the baby one day will want to be just like her.Tell her that he will be a baby and will allways need sister and if she doesn't support him enough he won't want to be happy any more.Tell her that for him to be happy she has to be ahppy because she will have the biggest influence on him.
2006-08-02 20:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's too young to be at the birth, in my opinion, she wouldn't understand and might get scared at that age. Right now I think reassurance is key, tell her that mommy and daddy love her, and her little sister is going to love her and look up to her. Tell her that she'll have an importaint role as a big sister and that you know she'll be a good big sister.
It seems like your mother told her things would change? You might want to supervise visits with your mother for awhile. It's not acceptable at all for your mother to be telling your daughter things that will hurt her, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that your daughter would be hurt by such statements. I would be uncomfortable with allowing my child alone with grammy if I knew such statements were being made. It's too emotionally damaging.
You might want to sit down with her and show her your ultrasound photos and tell her "This is what you looked like when you were in my tummy, isn't it amazing? Your little sister will be here soon!"
If you're happy, and your husband is happy, she will be happy too. It's normal for only children to be anxious and nervous with the arrival of a baby pending.
2006-08-02 06:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine was a little older when her sister came along -- she was 4 yo. We let her pick a special present just from her for the baby, as well as the "going home" outfit. I was in the hospital for a few days after the birth (c-section), so I had a little present for big sis when she would come to visit me each day. Simple stuff -- a big sister story book, coloring book and crayons (princesses, of course!), a special tote bag (her "busy bag"), and a treat as well each day. I tried to have things to keep her entertained while I tended to the baby and did my thing at the hospital. I also let her eat my desert when she was there -- she loved it (we don't do many deserts at home). We also let her pick out her baby sister's middle name. Being 4, it had to be a princess' name, so she chose Belle. It worked well -- Rebecca Belle. She still brags about it!
Once we all got home, I tried to let her help as much as she wanted. Nursing was our biggest stumbling block -- big sis wanted to nurse again (told her it was only for little babies) and didn't like the baby getting all my attention while nursing. I had picked up a few videos and computer games for big sis before the baby was born, so I would try my best to get one ready for her before sitting down to nurse. If all else failed, I'd tell her to get her baby doll and nurse along with me.
We also made a point to tell family and friends that came to visit to say hello to big sis first, then ask her if they could see her new baby sister. Big sis was so proud introducing her new sister! Many of my family members brought a little something for big sis when they came if they brought something for the baby.
This is going to be a big adjustment for her. Don't be surprised if the same things don't work all the time to keep her happy. Don't be surprised if she regresses a little bit. Just hang in there -- things will get easier. My two, now 2 & 6, are best buds.
Best wishes!
Kathleen
2006-08-02 08:10:43 · answer #6 · answered by Barney's Betty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her involved in helping with the baby. Give her small tasks such as helping feeding the baby his bottle (make sure she is supervised at all times, or let her hold the bottle with you), helping with diaper changes (give her a small task such as taping the new diaper closed), and playing with him, although she may tire of this quickly as infants don't play on the same level as toddlers do. Discuss with her how she will be a great big sister and that you love them both the same, even if it seems like all of your time will be occupied with the new baby. Explain that a baby needs a lot of care. Make sure you always make time during the day for your 3 year old, for just you and her, maybe during your baby's naptime. Good luck and congratulations in advance!
2006-08-02 07:23:48 · answer #7 · answered by tumblingtumblers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 3 year old and a new baby and i was afraid that she would be jealous.. keep telling her how important it is to be a big sister.. maybe have a present for her to congratulate her for being a big sister.. have her help out.. ya know fetch the diapers.. or help put on baby's socks.. or whatever.. after you and daddy hold baby let your 3 year old be the first to hold him... I am sure things will work out great.. it did here.. only thing is, my 3 year old who showed in interest in potty training has now stopped showing any interest toward it.. and found one of her old pacifiers and takes it to bed with her.. LOL
2006-08-02 07:18:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been asking this question alot and the answer that seems to come up consistently is make sure they feel helpful and not in the way. Make sure she knows that that is her baby, and allow her to help you with things for the baby, like getting diapers, bottles, and allowing her to hold baby (supervised, of course). If she knows it is her baby as well, she is less likely to be jealous. Do things with her alone after baby comes if that is possible, so she knows that the baby isn't taking her place and there is still plenty of room for her in your lives. Also, have you tried buying her a gift from the baby? That worked with my son, he is always kissing my belly and telling baby that he loves it bc he knows that baby loves him even though they have not met yet and then he gets alot of praise from us for being a good big brother and he takes alot of pride in that. Also, knowing that they can do things the baby can't do, maybe preschool or something, will make them feel more grown up as well.
2006-08-02 06:23:07 · answer #9 · answered by reggie_bear17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her involved.
I was 4 when my sister was born. My grandmother bought me a special "I'm the BIG sister" shirt and we planned a party to welcome my mom and the new baby home.
Throughout the pregnancy my parents only spoke of the new baby as an exciting new addition to the family. While it's important to let your daughter know that things will change in a straight forward manner, you may be able to help get her excited by reminding her of all of the great things that only she gets to do as the big sister.
2006-08-02 06:22:24 · answer #10 · answered by wormy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋