whats your favorite joke?

Answer 1

Three desperately ill men met with their
doctor one day to discuss their
options. One was an alcoholic, one was a
chain smoker and the other was
a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them,
said, "If any of you indulge
in your vices one more time, you will surely die."
The men left the doctor's office, each
convinced that he would never
again indulge himself in his vice.
While walking toward the subway for their
return trip to the suburbs,
they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and
seeing the lights, could not stop himself.
His buddies accompanied him into the bar,
where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass
on the bar, he fell off his
stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the
bar, realizing how seriously
they must take the doctor's words.
As they walked along, they came upon a
cigarette butt lying on the
ground, still burning.
The homosexual looked at the chain smoker
and said, "If you bend over to
pick that up, we're both dead."

Answer 2

A man applies for a sales Job. His soon to be new boss tells him "first you need to prove your skills" He gives him a box of toothbrushes and says "Let's see how many you can sell in 3 days"

The next day the Man comes back and says "I need another box of toothbrushes". "Already?" asked the boss. "in fact, make it two" came the reply. So he took the 2 boxes and left.

The next morning he asked for 4 boxes! "What is your secret?" asked the boss. "I'll never tell" said the Man and left with the 4 boxes. The boss decided to follow him to find out.

The Man went to a shopping Mall ans set up a table. He put out a huge bowl of bean dip and chips. He then added a sign that said "free sample of new dip" The boss wondered what this had to do with selling toothbrushes. Soon a customer arrived. The customer took a chip and sampled the dip. He spit it out all over the floor. "man, this stuff tastes like $hit! he said.

"Thats because it is" replied the salesman..."Want to buy a toothbrush?"

Answer 3

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor-Texas Style."

The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: I'm Gay, I Love the Dixie Chicks, Boycott Beef, I Voted for John Kerry, George Strait Sucks, Hillary in 2008 and I'm here to confiscate your gun.

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

Answer 4

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of asudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and startedgrowling and generally getting really mean. The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turnsout, was from Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him,and ate him alive. The other guy turned around and ran for hislife. A little while later, the second guy found a park rangerstation and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and theyboth went out in search of the bear, in order to destroy it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. Theranger turned to the other guy and said: "Quick... tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger levelled his gun andgot ready to shoot. "I'm not really sure," said the other guy, "they both looksimilar." "QUICK! Make up your mind!" said the ranger. "O.K.,"said the other, "it was the male." The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The maleran off. Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of thefemale and found the body of the other man. "But why didn't you shoot the male when I thought it was themale who ate my friend?" the other man asked. "Well," said the ranger... "I never trust anyone who says thatthe Czech's in the male!"

Answer 5

there where three bored angels. so they decided to throw stuff down to earth. the first one threw a golf ball , the second threw a rock and the third one threw a atom bomb. then they went to earth the first angel saw a little boy crying so she asked what is the matter and the kid replied "i got hit in the head with a golf ball" and she ran away. then the second angel saw a little girl crying and she asked what is the matter and she replied "a rock hit my head" so the angel ran. the third angel saw a kid laughing so she asked what is so funny and he said daddy farted and blew up the house!

Answer 6

so there are these two hunters in the woods. Suddenly one of them drops to the ground, his eyes roll back in his head and he stops breathing. His friends FREAKs out, pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.
"Operator, Operator, I think my friend is dead! what do i do??"
"Okay, sir just calm down. First things first, we need to make sure he's actually dead"
Theres a long silence when suddenly a shot rings out. The man comes back on the phone.
"Okay now what?"

Answer 7

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Answer 8

so these kids were driving with there dadthis is gurl goes dad why did u name me rose and the dad says bc wen u were born a rose petal fell on ur head and then his other daughter says daddy y did u name me lillypad and he goes bc a lilly pad fell on ur head wen u were born and then the other kid who was mental starts saying stuff and the dad couldnt understand bc the kid was deaf and the dad goes o shut up cinder block lol

Answer 9

this on little johnny went to school he is only in first grade then they were going over there abc the sussie said a is for apples then they got to d and johnny said dwarf the little furcker with that big *** head

Answer 10

knock knock jokes