What do you women think about this situation?

Question

I have recently become very dissatisfied with the sexual aspect of my marriage. Now, I love my wife of ten + years but, she just does not have the drive to keep up with me. And when I say drive...it is more like a slow stroll that I am asking for, and I get a crippling uphill walk. I mean, I am talking once a month if I am lucky, more usual to be once every six or eight weeks. Anyways, I have considered meeting a woman for on the side action to help me stay satisfied. I know that it is wrong morally, but I wanted to hear some feedback from some women. And to be clear, I have no intentions on changing my situation. I would only meet someone if we are both in agreement that it would be a no strings attached encounter ONLY. Serious answers only please!!!

Answer 1

Okay, I would suggest not doing this or anything of the sort, but you've already anticipated that response and indicated that you're at peace with your decision to do so, so who am I to further belabor the point? But if I may offer a small, potentially Karma-saving suggestion: since you are so open about the situation anyway, why not discuss it with your wife first and include her in your selection process? ( In the meantime exploring whether or not there may be a medical reason for her loss of interest.)This has two advantages: (1) It may shock her out of her tendency towards being sexually distant, in which case, problem solved. Or it will at least open up some dialog which will help you avoid damaging your marriage. (2) It may not be monogamy, but it's also not cheating if your wife is aware of the situation before you engage in it. Once you have her consent (tacit or otherwise) you're provisionally free to do as you please; karma dinged but largely still in tact. It's usually not the act itself but the dishonesty associated with it that harms relationships. You will have at least spared yours that.That said, I still urge you to reconsider, but that's a large monkey to have on your back for that period of time. Good luck to all of you in whatever you decide.

Answer 2

If you want to crush any desire that your wife has left for you, transferring your affection to another woman is the way to do it.

For a woman, sex starts with the very first thing you say to her in the morning and how she feels about herself and her life and you all day long. What happens in the evening is just a culmination of all of these other thoughts and feelings.

How do you speak to her in the morning? Are you kind? Do you kiss her goodbye? Are you available for her to call you during the day with a question or a concern, and if she does, how do you respond to her? Do you ever call her or e-mail her during the day to tell her something that you are excited or happy about?

When you first come home, how do you greet her? Do you take a few minutes to talk with her about your day and her day? Are you affectionate and kind? If she makes dinner or has cleaned the house, are you appreciative? All these things go a long way towards a better response in the bedroom.

It's also time to sit down and have a talk. You need to be honest about what you want from your sex life. How often would seem about right to you? What kind of response are you hoping for? What more does she need from you in your marriage? or from sex? Why is she not that interested? All this needs to be in the context of "I love you so much, and our marriage is so important to me. I want to do whatever I can to make it work."

Under NO circumstances should you bring up the idea of looking for sexual satisfaction somewhere else. That would just be demeaning to her and make her question whether you love her or value your marriage at all.

Answer 3

Well, you've stuck yourself in a situation. You will not change the status of your relationship but want to possibly have an affair? Don't do it, man. It's not worth hurting your wife over. If you cheat you will wind up getting a divorce anyway. You will do what ever you want, but remember that everyone changes over time and part of marriage is to be able to accept these changes. Either accept the way your wife is or let the both of you go down a new path. Or you can always try sex counseling. Good luck.

Answer 4

No, I don't think you should have a woman on the side because that is considered cheating and even if she agrees to have no strings attached, after awhile one of you is gonna become possessive of the other and it'll only make things worse not to mention you're doing your wife sooo wrong! How would you feel if she was doing it to you on the side? You should just have a talk with her. Maybe there's something you're not doing for her so it's making her less interested in doing it with you. You might just need to bring the romance back into the marriage.

Answer 5

Doesn't matter what "we women" think about this situation. What matters is what one woman only--that is your wife--would think about it. And, of course, what you think of it. You've already answered that question--"I know that it is wrong morally." So it sounds like you are somehow hoping someone out here will somehow give you permission to do something you know/feel is wrong, and that will make it okay. Highly unlikely, because even if you do feel the freedom to act on these thoughts, you will continue to know/feel its wrong morally. Seems a better solution is to get into sex therapy/couples therapy with your wife. If she is hesitant/reluctant to go, you may have to be honest with her (without the support of counseling) that you've been having these thoughts so she will realize how crucial this issue is and the impact its having on your marriage. (Of course, you will have to be ready for fall-out from this). Try to avoid ultimatums, but let her know how much this is troubling you and how important it is to you to get some assistance at this time in your marriage. Above all, emphasize and repeat how much you love her and how much you want to be with her--sexually and emotionally.
(Unless of course, you're bull-shitting, and really just have a wandering eye, can't stick to the long-term commitment, and are just looking for a reason/excuse to stray. In that case, do what you will, be prepared for it to blow-up your marriage now or some point down the line, and be sure that you can live with yourself as the kind of person who could betray one he loves.)

Answer 6

Ok I think you need to talk to her in a positive, no blame intended way or you could lose the situation right off. Set aside sometime not when you want romance and then start on this!! make sure you both have free time to talk. start with the positives of your relationship and the secure things you've told us. Then explain how you feel. There is a chance she'll be surprised or upset. You need to be ready to make her feel that she is still your one and only lady.
you can get advice from marital/sexual consellors through medical services or even privately. There can be any number of reasons for this situation, too many to go in to here. Just check on how romantic you've been lately and how helpful, considerate etc..women want to be loved and cared for outside of the bedroom first and foremost if you want the right responses..

Answer 7

I understand if you need some sexual satisfaction in your life. But you really need to talk to you wife and let her know up front the way you feel about your sexual relationship with her before you do anything. Because if you let her know whats going on in your heart and in your mind, she cant say anything if you end up doing something behind her back. Most likely, since you have been with her for 10 years, she would be open minded about your feelings and she should be able to talk with you about this matter and come to a resolution. As for your sex partner, I would say to not even have a sex partner, but on the other side of the story, she isn't having any sex with you at all so that puts you in a bad position. So you just have to follow your heart. Not your penis.

Answer 8

Have you thought about seeing a sex counselor? If your wife is barely having sex with you, there is obviously something going on inside her, she may not be attracted to you the way she used to? Bored? Stress? Kids? Exhausted? Depression? I would talk to her, and tell her, what you need and find out, what she needs from you? And some point, talk to someone for professional help? Because honestly, going outside of the marriage, will destroy anything you to have together and any hopes of getting back to where you were.

Answer 9

well if you do decide to go outside your marriage be careful because, there are women who tell you no strings attached who may get attached and that could cause lots of problems for you.I would do like the first person said and talk to your wife about this,not just because of morals,vows etc., out of respect.Also i would like to know do you have children? Does your wife work or is she a stay at home mom ? email me

Answer 10

Nothing good coming out of that. I can certainly understand your frustration and you have every right to feel the way you do. If you got caught your lengthy marriage would be over. I would attempt having a heart to heart with your wife and bluntly express your concerns and see if there is any way she can work on increasing your sexual activity.