My girlfriend of 5years just said she wants to take a break in our relationship. She promises that it is not permanet and we will still hang out. I really dont know what to think, I meen last we she wanted to talk about marriage and the rest of our lives and this week its lets just be friends for a while. I hate to thinkthis was, but recently a friend has come back into her life and the last time she was around our relationship had problems and it is hard for me to beleive she is not at fault again. My girlfriend is affend by me thinking this and I really dont want to upset her. She says the reason for this is she is afraid that since we have basicaly grown up together she is afraid that neither of us has had a chance to exsperince life apart from each other. I really dont know what to think and I dont want to lose her. What should I do?
Please no comments about my grammer I am destrot not dumb and I really dont care.
2006-08-02 05:04:06 · 19 answers · asked by Bob M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I had this same problem.
My gf and I both felt we hadn't dated enough, we just didn't KNOW if it was right. And we took breaks.
I realized that she WAS the one for me, that I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It may just be too soon, she may have cold feet, or she may NEED to get out there and shop around.
The mistake I made, was when we were on a break we didn't stay in touch. Now she's my EX-gf and I lost her - she changed and I didn't change with her, if we'd stayed in touch we could have changed together. (I also had some personal faults that I'm not going to go into, but those may have been overcome).
So keep in touch, if you demand she stay with her you WILL lose her, but you've also got to find a way to make her understand that you're not going to wait around forever - that maybe YOU will shop around too, and maybe you should.
Here's a test - look at her Mom - how she looks and acts - because often that's what the girl turns into, if you could live with the Mom - then you can live with her. It's by no means exact - but it's one tool you can use.
Good luck man, I lost my Jessica, and now she's dead (in an Anakin Skywalker kind of way), I hope you don't have to lose yours.
2006-08-02 05:13:37 · answer #1 · answered by thedavecorp 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your problem is not so unique. Many young couples go through the same thing. It may hurt for a while but at won't last for ever. Both of you need time to explore the world and see what else is out there. Who knows, you might even meet someone that you like better than her. Don't worry if the two of you are meant to be you both will know it soon enough. Give her time this is something she feels she needs to do, and she will always wonder about it untill she does. Anyway, if you are not right for each other it is better to find out now before you get married.I know this is not what you really want to hear, but there really is not much else you can do. I hope everything works out for you, but I hope you won't be too disapointed if they don't. Good luck
2006-08-02 05:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by smoke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally feel your pain... Me and my finacee are currently taking a break after being together since high school, and she might really just need to be single for a while. When your together with the same person for years, and you basically grow up together it gets kinda suffocating, and you can start to feel like your missing out on some parts of life. She needs to be an adult on her own for a while, and you do too. Marraige is about two complete people coming together, not two people depending on each other so much that they can't sustain themselves. She may be at the point in her life that she realizes it's time to sustain herself for a while....you may need to think about doing the same thing.
2006-08-02 05:20:26 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. Tesi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your girlfriend had already hinted about marriage it might be one of the reason if you were just passive about when she mentioned it to you.... Did you speak with her about your future plans already? Might be she's all geared up to plan ahead and you're not.. And maybe she really just want to give herself a chance to be without you first. If you've been together for 5 years you're already too comfy with each other, it might be that she's "Soul Searching" right now to know what she really wants in life.. Give her a break and try to understand her but don't go too far that she'll forget about you....
2006-08-02 05:16:18 · answer #4 · answered by ?Kukay?® 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I hate to break it to you but maybe you are right about the friend. But go with it, if you really care for her and see what happens. But make it clear what you want, if you are taking a break thats cool but if you dont want her or you to see other people in this time then make it very clear so there is no confusion and just ride itout and see what happens. The other alternative is to break it off but if you really care for her and love her, then I guess you will just have to wait and see. But dont wait too long. Good luck
2006-08-02 05:10:07 · answer #5 · answered by Little K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't blame relationship problems out outside sources... most problems within a relationship are there long before anyone else comes along.
How old are you? She may have a point... even if you don't agree. Some people are perfectly happy finding true love with their first love and feel no need to spread their wings, some are not.
This comes to mind... "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."
2006-08-02 05:12:59 · answer #6 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when chicks say this its usually for one of 2 reasons
1) she wants to learn who she is by herself and really experience life for a little while
2) she wants to bang other guys
the first reason would be if you guys are really close but she just needs time to see if you're really the one. when you talk about big steps such as marriage, you want to be sure that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. She may just want to see her friends, go to clubs/parties, whatever. This doesnt necessarily mean that she wants to go see other people for a little bit, she may just want to see of other guys tempt her. if she really cares about you, she still wont feel right about doing anything with other guys, so you might be safe. she just needs to discover a few things on her own and thats how to do it.
The second option is her just being tired of a relationship and wanting to go out and see what else she can get. the downside to this is shell wanna come back after this and thats wrong.
See fi you can honestly find out her intentions from her. if it sounds like option 1, then let her go and go have some fun yourself. if its option 2 let her go and dont take her back, because it would just be an excuse to get with other people then crawl back to you guilt free.
No matter what you do or say, you cant force someone to be with you, so like it or not, you're going to have to let her go for now. like i said, have a conversation with her about it (if you're planning on marrying her then i would hope she would be honest to you) and let her go.
If she does the first thing and comes back, then you know shes yours for life. And i HIGHLY recommend not moping about her...go out and have some fun yourself, following the same guidelines. If shes not banging dudes, dont get with other chicks. youll both be better for it anyway
good luck and i hope all goes well for you
2006-08-02 05:08:43 · answer #7 · answered by sexydp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A seperation could be a good thing,she could find out how much you really mean to her and how she can't live w/o you.but she could find out she has grown apart from you, and doesn't relly need you the way she used to.either way you need to let her go if she feels like she needs to do this.If you try to talk her out of it she could blame you for never "experiencing life"
Its just one of those things thats hard to predict the outcome.But don't try to stop her,it'll come back to you sooner or later.
2006-08-02 05:16:24 · answer #8 · answered by chays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really like her then you would let her go. And if she really likes you she is sure to come back but if she doesnt like you then whats the point in even being together? Also if she likes you a lot,then her friend shouldnt do anything to disrupt your relationship. does any of this make sense???????
2006-08-02 05:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ya'll are young then shes probably not dated much and want to be able to do so but still keep you. Either way shes looking to meet some new people (guys). I know its been a long time... why arent you two engaged. You may have lost her.
2006-08-02 05:08:54 · answer #10 · answered by howdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋