how can i deal with my bothers death?

Question

my brother was found dead, they are saying it was suicide- but, now we are finding out that it was foul play. i am trying to stay strong, but at the same time i am getting mad because i feel like there is more i could be doing to find out what really happened to him!! i have even gone to see a psychic. please help me out. because right now, i feel useless.

Answer 1

I can not imagine what you must be going thru...just let the police do their job if you can think of anything that might help let them know...if you know of someone that was mad at him or wanted to kill him for any reason let the police know no matter how small or stupid it may sound to you it may be very important to your brother in finding his killer...God bless and I hope that everything turns out for the best

Answer 2

No death is easy to deal with, no matter how close you were to the deceased. That's why they claim that the funeral services, memorials, wakes, etc; are for the living, to give us a sense of closure.
However, no matter what comfort one can obtain from the rituals, you still have to deal with the loss.
In your specific case, instead of a psychic, if you feel that the police are not doing enough and can afford to do so, hire a reputable (one that not only the authorities will work with, but one that you can trust) private investigator.
The PI can go places that the authorities can't. Or at least that's the theory as presented by all the crime dramas and mysteries I have seen and read over the years. Hopefuly between the two the case will be solved.
In any event, it just takes time. Each day the hurt will be a little less. Maybe not by a very noticable amount, but it does decrease in time.
Between the police and the courts when they find your brother's killer(s?) guilty, then you will have that sense of closure you are longing for right now.
Take care.

Answer 3

No matter how someone in your family has died, you will always feel useless. I lost both my parents within the past two years and I feel like I could have helped to prevent it (they think my father was suicide and my mother was very ill for years). But you have to realize this happened for a reason, it was his time to go whether or not it was foul play. You don't want to be sticking your nose into something that could be potentially dangerous to you or the rest of your family so allow the police to do that for you. All you can do is know that your brother loved you, and is now watching out for you and death is a hard part of life. I wish there was something you could do to change how you feel but I know that there isn't. It's hard, but stay strong, and don't allow yourself to consumed by it. All will be revealed when it is intended to be. No, I'm not religious, but I've started to notice that everything really does happen for a reason and when you realize that reason it helps to make you stronger.

I'm so sorry and I hope that you are well and stay strong!

Answer 4

First off, my sympathy on the loss of your brother. Don't waste your time with psychics. If you're religious, you could go to your church for help. (I don't think this is any more useful than psychics, but I know some people get comfort from it.) You feel useless, but if the death has been deemed as foul play, surely law enforcement is involved, and you need to let these people do their jobs. They're the experts. Dealing with the emotional loss is another thing. There are support groups, and perhaps just talking to people who have been through a similar experience might help. If you're in school, ask a guidance counselor or the school social worker or psychologist for some assistance and referrals. Everything you're feeling is appropriate and natural. Allow yourself time to grieve (and be angry, if you need to). Talk with your parents. They're feeling everything you are, and you need to draw strength from each other during such a horrible time.

Answer 5

I too have lost my youngest brother years ago but on a much different circumstance yet the same end. I can feel your pain & I can understand that people often do drastic things when in grief. My greatest anchor during those darkest periods of my life has been prayer. I learned that turning to God first and not as a last resort put things in a clearer perspective and having a personal relationship with Him has sustained me all these years thru any situation. When I look back I never regretted having made that decision.

Answer 6

At times like this you're going to get a lot of people who will want to be there for you. The reality is that they're there for themselves as much as they are for you. Sometimes people want to grieve together. Sometimes people want to grieve alone. Listen to what people have to say ( if it's kind ). Then focus on what your brother and how he would have wanted you to react.

Take some time out for yourself. This isn't just a time to morn but to reflect on what life means to you. Is his death going to make you stop yours? I should hope not. Remember that if you feel that you want to be alone then do it. Take some time for yourself. Then remember that others need you too. Mother, Father, Other Siblings.

In the end there is nothing that any one can say or do to fully help you relieve the ache you feel. All we can do is make it just that much more bearable. Take the old cliches with a humbleness because sometimes we just don't know what to say. ex. " he led a good life, It was gods plan, He will be missed."

Take the strength that he now shares with the universe and make him proud. You loved him, he loved you. That will never change.

Answer 7

First off, I'm sorry about your brother. I lost my first wife about 6 years ago, so I have an idea of what you're going through. What you need to realize is that you will NEVER get over this. That's a myth. You will learn to deal with it over time, and it gets easier as you go along. As far as doing more to find out what happened to him, don't go overboard. Do what you can. I wish I could tell you that one day you'll find out what really happened (and who the killer was, assuming it was foul play) but I can't. You may never find out what happened, and you can't let that eat away at you. Think of your brother and ask yourself how he would want you to deal with this. I'm betting he would want you to get on with your life as best you can and try to remember him fondly. He wouldn't want you to let your anger get the best of you so you end up bitter. Just do your best every day. That's all you can do. Good luck!

Answer 8

Find out who could possibly be hatin' your brother enough to kill him and tell it to the police so they could do a thorough investigation. Talk to your brother's friends and find out. What you need now is the comfort of your family and friends. They are there to support you whenever you need someone to talk to. Honor your brother by remembering him often. Don't forget about him like what others say, keep him alive in your heart. Healing from lost loveone will take time. Be strong. Ask for help. Don't do it alone. You are not the only one who have lost someone. You can handle it. Condolence for your loss. God Bless!

Answer 9

Don't see a psychic, see a psychiatrist. Find someone you can really talk to, and never hold back your feelings. The more you hold back the worse you feel. Talk to your guardians, ask them what you can do. Maybe just by remembering him, that's all anyone could ever ask for, including your brother. Good luck and I hope you feel better. Just remember he's not dead as long as he's in your mind.

Answer 10

It sounds like either he was on drugs or he messed with a girl he wasn't suppose to and the ex boyfriend killed him. All I can say is pray to god and ask him to work out your problems. Ask god to take all your problems and let him have them. Soon enough you will find out. I don't trust much psychics most are scams. In fact when you call them on TV or call them at all they have caller Id and probably use people search and also are pre records. If it is something and your brother feels it will help to contact you than he will. So don't give up hope. God bless.