German name and dark hair/eyes: do you assume I'm Jewish?

Question

My stepfather's name is German. (I'm Irish/Greek). In my summer class today the topic of Tiffany's Jewelry store came up, and I mentioned that I have never had anything from that store.
Two Jewish girls (I only knew this after they told me) were whispering & looking at me, & after class said : but didn't you get a star necklace from TIffany's for your bar/bat(?) mitzvah?

They said it was because of my German name & dark hair, mostly.
One girl told me her mother had told her that I was "one", "for sure"!

( I don't know her mother at all and I'm new to this town ) and that I probably had rhinoplasty already???!!!

SO: is it just me, or do (some) Jewish people really enjoy finding out (almost "hunting") for other Jewish people
Also sometimes I feel they are intentionally putting these forward questions out there, just to see if they were right in guessing (almost like a game to them), and if so, I understand their insecurity but I can't help feeling it is rude. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

Especially in middle school and high school, girls tend to be clique-ish and evaluate ALL kinds of things - do you have the current hot brand of clothing? Don't you REALIZE it is wrong to wear THOSE kinds of shoes? It's all silly and superficial, although a part of acculturation that all young people go through. Don't give that sort of thing too much importance and you will have learned an essential life lesson.

That's part of what you described - some girls looking for someone else with whom they can identify, asking the "code" questions that would reveal MUCH to them - including whether your jewelry came from Tiffany's or some lower-status place. It is partly a bit of wanting to know if you might be part of their clique - whether Jewish, the Tabernacle of Holiness Church or the country club - and partly figuring out where on their scale of social status the new girl should be.

Don't obssess about the "Jewish" appearance or anything else.

And as for German names and physical features, THAT was pretty well resolved with the destruction of the nazis, who had that obssession, and later study to see if any of their crackpot ideas had any basis in fact. They didn't.

Germans are a mixed culture made of people of many, many different physical characteristics. And so are Jews. So, for that matter are Italians. And did you read about the archaeological discovery of a large group of people in prehistoric China who all looked like red-haired Celts?

Claiming that Germanic names are automatically "Jewish" is silly, too. I am Irish-Scots-Norwegian-German; my name is German-Norwegian. I always get questions - usually from anti-Semites - about my Jewish heritage or what temple do I attend. It's something that reveals the ignorance of the asker. Ignore it.

Answer 2

Well, first of all, the particular girls in question sound like total snots. I'm Jewish (although with blonde hair/green eyes) and I certainly didn't get anything from Tiffany's for my Bat Mitzvah (bar is for guys, bat is for girls), nor would I assume anyone else did.

As for your second question, there is a certain tendency to assume that people are or aren't Jewish. I don't think it's malicious - it's just the same way that Christians want to know who else is Christian, or people of a certain heritage would want to find others from that same background. Of course I'm friends with a wide variety of people, but there are certain elements that are shared in Jewish culture, and it's nice to know who I can discuss that with.

I guess it can sort of become a game to figure out who's a Jew and who's not, but ultimately those sort of assumptions are quite often wrong, and not only in your case. I know a guy who has a German name and curly hair who everyone assumes is a Jew, and no one would guess that my other friend who is Chinese is Jewish, except for her last name.

I don't know what you mean by the rhinoplasty remark, but the nose thing is a pretty stupid stereotype. Out of all the Jews I know, maybe two have the stereotypical "Jewish nose".

Anyhow, this is all a little bit rambling, so to sum up - yeah, I think it can be a game, but more than that, it's just a human need to classify that affects non-Jews as well as Jews. I don't think it relates to insecurity, and in and of itself, I don't think it's particularly rude, although I think those girls in particular were just being obnoxious. Please don't judge us all by that!

Answer 3

Well, they didn't know about black Irish. And Greeks have a Mediterranean look, just like Jewish people do.

Yes, it was rude, but minorities sometimes do these things. They were just looking for a friend with whom they had something in common.

Answer 4

People like to stereotype because it makes them feel safe/secure.

I don't make assumptions, even 'tho sometimes I'll see a last name and think," Mmm..I wonder if that person is Jewish?" ( I am Jewish, by the way).

Labeling/stereotyping is human nature, unfortunately.

Answer 5

Don't worry about it. I have red....and I mean RED....hair with green eyes and skin so fair I could burn in the rain. And nobody ever believes me when I tell them I'm 100% italian. They ask me if my parents ever had milk delivered to the house. Yeah....everyone's a comedian. But then they see my brothers and my sister and see how we all have green eyes/blue eyes/ brown eyes and we all have very similar facial features and they stop laughing. Don't sweat it.

Answer 6

I often get asked if I am Jewish, like you in appearance and my Germanic name.

I just say, Nope, I'm not Jewish but I have a great friend who was a Jewish Carpenter.

Answer 7

Judaism is a religion. You seem to be obsessed with ancestry. Interestingly, the entire holocaust was focused on ancestry, and not religious practice, because one man had the same odd obsession.

Answer 8

if you were Jewish you would have a bat mitzvah and I'm Jewish and would not think you are Jewish.

Answer 9

i think they were being snobs to you, big deal they've had stuff from tiffanys so what. ask to see their star of david and tell them it looks fake.

Answer 10

What?