How do I tell someone I don't want them to hold my baby?

Question

Okay...this is a complicated one.

I have a family member who has a long history of drug abuse (although, he claims to now be drug free) and has been diagnosed as schizophrenic. He has shown violent behavior towards me and other family members. Because of this, I DO NOT want him near my baby. I truly can't trust him.

What is a kind and gentle way to tell him that I don't want him near my baby? If I just come out and tell him, it could cause a very dangerous situation for me, my husband, and/or my baby.

Your advice is appreciated.

I am forced to be around him. He is part of our family (which I am very close to). If I choose to not be around him, I would choose to alienate myself from my own family. That's just not an option. Believe me...If I was able to stay away from him, I certainly would.

Sorry..I left this info out. I'm pregnant..due August 29th with my first baby.

Answer 1

You don't want to upset a person like that. I would say your baby is going through a clingy stage and does not like being held by others. You hope this passes soon.

Answer 2

Okay.. what you do, is tell the REST of your family about your concerns. Tell your mother, father and anyone else who will listen.. " I do not want him holding the baby or being near the baby. I'm not asking if it's okay, I'm telling you this is how it's going to be."

If they can't understand and comply then you're not as close as you think you are.

If you stay close to the baby at all times when you're there, or make sure that there's someone in the room who UNDERSTANDS and will follow those rules in your absence from the room.. there shouldn't be too much oportunity for him to get the baby...

If it persists.. and he asks.. tell him " I'm sorry, but I'm a new Mommy.. and I'm nervous about other people holding him"

Could be simple.. could be complicated if he presses you.

Good Luck

Answer 3

i wouldn't make a big issue out of it. i would simply have either you or dad hold the baby when around family and if this person asks to hold the baby, then make like an overprotective mom and ask them to sit on the couch and sit with them while they hold the baby. then, after a few moments fake like you smell a dirty diaper and go for a change.

that way your baby isn't in any REAL danger b/c you are there the ENTIRE time and the time is really short.

hopefully, someone with that kind of history won't be too interested in holding the baby anyway and you won't have to worry about that.
as for the baby just being around this person in general....well, just be sure you NEVER leave the baby around them alone or with someone that could leave the baby with them alone.

take care and i hope this helped.

Answer 4

Since he's part of the family and around him quite frequently, how about you lay down the rule for everyone? Just say you are uncomfortable with anyone holding the baby just now.

I don't think there is any easy way to handle this. I liked the other poster's suggestion that you have someone else try to explain, but you would need to have that person on your side.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

"I'm sorry, I am not comfortable with anyone except me or my husband handling my baby. Thank you for understanding."

Apply it to everyone.

If that simple phrase is going to cause a dangerous situation, then this person does not need to be allowed around you or your family anyway. That means no contact.

Please be aware that if you are ever in a situation where this supposed drug user gets busted or if he acts out and your child is with him/near him, you can be charged with child endangerment, or if someone reports your family drug user or reports him for acting out, you can have your child taken away, and DHS/CPS do not hesitate to take children anymore. Be a big girl and stand your ground. You are a mommy now, and sometimes you have to be a big girl to make the right decisions for your family.

Answer 6

My best friend's in-laws are a also drug users and former drug users that are always stopping by for visits to mooch food, money, or showers from her house. Her approach for keeping them from handling the baby is to insist that all smokers must have showered and put on fresh clothes between smoking and holding the baby. They usually won't go thru the hassle just to hold the baby.

Others I know are extremely germ conscious and use the baby's brand-new underdeveloped immunity as an excuse to keep others from holding the baby.

You can also claim that your baby is really close to falling asleep and you don't want to get them excited or wound up by being held by different people.

Maybe to avoid your relative from noticing a pattern and getting upset about it you will need to cycle thru several different strategies instead of just using one.

Answer 7

If I were you I would not let anyone (except the babies dad) hold your baby while this person is around then you can say that your doctor advised you that the baby could get sick easy with too many different people holding it (blame it on Doc). Or you can tell everyone, while this person is around, that you are going through postpardum and you are feeling nervous with people holding your baby right now so you would rather no one hold your baby right now. If Grandparents insist on holding the baby then ask them to please wash there hands. This may help to show your nervousness. Good Luck.

Answer 8

well if you want to tell your family member that you dont want him round you and your family just freaking tell him i have 13 month old and a nother one on the way i have the same problem with a family member like the one you have if you need any other help with any thing email me at my aim account [e-mail] or [e-mail] well hope you get through your problem.
Ronnie

Answer 9

Try to avoid being around him. How old is your baby. Brainstorm some excuses like "its time for the baby's nap", "I just got him/her to calm down", "He/she needs to be fed". Maybe he will get the hint and if not you probably will just have to tell him nicely. It is a really tough situation that doesn't really have a right answer. You will have to tell him eventually, because as your baby gets older it will be harder to protect him/her.

Answer 10

Listen to lizzie997. That sounds good. If you really feel in danger around this person, then you really need to address this problem with the rest of your family.