I want to get married, but he hasn't asked......?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We talk about getting married all the time. We are both in our early 30's & I am not a "princess" who needs some huge rock. But I do want some sort of ring. He keeps telling me we need to save for a house. How do I get my point across that I am not going to wait around much longer if we don't get engaged? He told me the other day that he can also hear my biological clock ticking.

Please help???

Answer 1

The next time he mentions bringing up house, tell him you feel like thats a big step to take with someone when you aren't even engaged. Its like he is skipping a step! Buy a house but not get married? Once he realises you need some sort of formal engagement to feel like this relationship is going somewhere, he should understand. If not, then he is just not ready to get married.

Answer 2

First of all, you should take a deep breath and think about how much you love this person! The reason I say that is, maybe he's already planning to propose. The day my husband proposed to me, I just about had a nervous breakdown only hours beforehand - the reason being that I thought he was never going to propose. But the whole time he'd been planning this big thing that I just never caught on to.

If what you need really is reassurance that he is going to propose, more than you need the actual proposal, sit him down and tell him exactly what you want. Say that you need him to promise you that it is in his plan to marry you. He needs to be very clear on this point. He doesn't have to ruin any surprises, or anything like that. I know it's hard to talk about your future with someone without asking for exactly what you want, but instead of asking him to propose you should tell him how you feel about NOT being engaged. Tell him what you said about being ready to walk away if he is not planning to marry you anytime soon.

Just be careful to rehearse what you want to say. Say it out loud or write it down - make sure that you're not saying anything that will give him a guilt trip or cause a negative reaction. I'm sure things will work out in the end. Good luck!

Answer 3

Same here. I hear you! But I have to tell you something sweetie:

-He knows that you want to get married
-He knows that you are the one for him
-A man would NEVER talk about biological clocks unless they have serious intention.
-Men are providers, so if he looking into buying a house is to PROVIDE you with a home for your prospective family.

Hon, he is on the right path. He may not verbalize it but definetly is is showing you that he is marriage minded, specially if he says the "m" word with no fear. A man that is not ready for marriage would not DARE to even mention the oh-so-feared "M' word.

I am in the same situation but I was clear with him. I told him that I was not getting any younger and that I had no time to waste. I told him that I wanted to know where our relationship was going and wanted to make sure that we both were on the same sheet of music in regards to our future as a couple.

I'm confident that he is working towrad s a proposal. We are planning to buy a house early next year. No rock yet, but I am confident and hopeful. He has reassured me that those are his intentions in the near future and that he is working hard to make that possible and he wants to do it right.

Your man cares for you as he doesn't want to be lame or cheap. The proposal is coming soon and I see that he is planning for a future together. Be patient and confident, he knows and you don;t need to be desperate or pushy.

Congratulations in advance and best of luck you!

Answer 4

perhaps you need to play his tune for awhile...tell him you're going to start putting some money aside for a downpayment on a house and cut back on the gambling. (he probably thinks that it's a waste to put your faith in something that has so little chance of actually paying off) He'll respect you more and feel more like you could be a good partner to settle down with for the rest of his life. (hope you don't drink and smoke too much...that sends a negative signal too for a mate, guys will date someone like that but not want to marry them) People should take this decision VERY seriously and they may never tell the other person that they have misgivings about the other persons behavior. You are proving yourself to each other, and for some reason he is not completely sold yet. And it's not all his fault, may not even be your fault, he just wants to feel confident and sure. Say things that are positive about the future that are not pressure packed. Mention fun things that you two may one day look forward to. But most of all make him feel special and loved deeply. If he thinks you are the best person for him he should come around. Perhaps you could casually mention the men who were flirting with you once in a while, don't tell him you like it or he may say "go for it". but just the fact that there may be competition for you could inspire him to make a move.
and as far as the ring goes you could really save a lot of money by getting a 1 carot Zirconium instead of diamond. I dropped about $7000 for my wifes diamond ring, then payed for our honeymoon. We were out $11,000 right off the bat....now we wish we had the money to put a porch on our house for our little boy to play on.
No one will ever know the difference if you get a good quality stone(not too big!) in a nice setting. And if anyone asks you can tell them it was a special surprise from your husband and that you really like it, no more.
If he does love you deeply I think you can pull it off, but you may have to use "special" skills to push him over the edge. If you are already doing all that can be done, and do them better than anyone he's ever known then I bet he will decide that you would be hard to top for a mate. Prove to him that you are better for him than all the other women he's known and in it for the long haul. If he feels you're just like all the others he may want to look around longer.
I think you can do it, a year is quite a while to have dated....not a long time, but a good opportunity to make a solid connection. maybe he'll turn the corner if you present the right image. Be patient, maybe 6 more months, though I too hear your clock ticking;-)
Keep on trying, your heart is in it, and that is the most important thing. He should consider himself a lucky man if you are true, loving and devoted.
Best Wishes for your future together!

Answer 5

Tell him you are not buying a house together until you are married. That is only fair to you. Make it clear that you do not feel comfortable with this. Use the money from the wedding you have to put down on the house. Talk about getting cart before the horse! Maybe he already has plans to get you a ring in the works right now!

Answer 6

I would suggest that you just let it happen. Don't stress and stop bringing it up. He is probably planning something, but if you keep talking about it, it can't be a surprize. Even if you figure out he is going to do it don't act as though you suspect anything. It is OK to save up for a house, but don't purchase a house until you have a ring and set a date. Tell him that you love him and you plan to be with him, but that you think that buying a house is premature since you two aren't even engaged. Save up for the house and a wedding, but don't do any planning until you have a ring and a date set.

Stand firm. Be patient.

Answer 7

well u can ask him... or most men wait two years before they ask and women. we had been together 2 years aready. i got my ring 2 months after we found out. we also did have much money walmart has wonderful rings at and low price. i was hint around look at them in kays paper that came in the mail. i am 23 i had my lil girl at 19 we were not married then. but got married 2 years later we been together 5 years. i got married at the justice of pease it was only $50 what we could aford. my mommy in stead given me and weeding gave my 3000 to put down on and home. and home was more inport to me than and wedding. but hubby promissed me i would have then back out. 6 months before i had my dress and all he sold my dress on eBay. but i am going to have my wedding one day i hope.

best of luck and best wishes

Answer 8

Ask him, blow him away! Take that step into the untraditional, it's not wrong for the woman to ask a man to marry her.
If finances are the concern, have a small wedding, I'm sure your folks will help out some.

Answer 9

If he said that he can hear your biological clock ticking than he knows that you want to get married. You must be droppin hints somewhere. DONT rush it, if it doesn't happen than it wasn't meant to be, and you don't want a divorce soon after your "long awaited marriage" . Trust me honey he knows, set a time frame for yourself and if he doesn't propose in that time than tell him your concerns. You have to be happy.

Answer 10

you need to tell him that you wont be living in that house.with him until he puts a ring on you're finger.or until you 2 are married. and thats the only way that you'll move into that house.other wise you're not moveing into the house.