My sister is getting married for the second time next summer and I don't want to go. The first time she got married I wasn't even invited - she told me at the time that only parents were invited but i have since found this out to be a lie. She has had two other engagements - one wedding cancelled just weeks before (I was invited to that but she didn't want me as a bridesmaid despite her being mine). I don't like her intended husband and I don't think she has learnt from her past mistakes to stop her making the same ones in the future and this time there are kids involved. But not going will cause huge family rows. Should i go and keep the peace or stick to my principals?
2006-08-02 02:57:33 · 25 answers · asked by Leapling 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just go bite your tongue wish her well and be happy for her after all it is her day and her life you don't have to live her life for her
sorry to be harsh take care:)
2006-08-05 09:08:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be the bigger person. Family is all about unconditional love sometimes. Don't lose hope that she will learn eventually. I know she is your sister, but no matter who she marries and how much she screws up her life, it is her life. I understand you being miffed that she didn't invite you to her first wedding. You don't sound like you're as lost as she is. Maybe by loving her dispite her faults will teach her that you have your act together and that she could learn something from you. Of course, when you attend a wedding, you are implicitly agreeing to support the marriage you are witnessing. I can understand that you have a problem with this. Consider what is more important: getting back at your sister or keeping the peace within the family. You don't want to put distance between you and your family over this, do you?
2006-08-02 14:51:50 · answer #2 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a big fan of sticking to your principles, but I'm also a big fan of my sister and I wouldn't miss her wedding for anything in the world (even if it was her 3425th wedding).
The thing is, the wedding of another person isn't about whether or not you personally think it is going to work out - it's about supporting the person you love who is getting married. To be honest, from experience with people who are very quick to get engaged or married - you're probably right about this. She probably is rushing into something. But at the same time, if you feel like you love your sister unconditionally (and it sounds like you do considering she's been really unpleasant to you and you still care about her happiness) then you should be there for her and let her know that you will support her no matter what her choices.
Now believe me that does not mean you have to shut up. I think that the best way to keep the peace while still having your principles is to sit down and talk to her. Just once. Tell her that you're concerned and that you want to make sure she's happy. I would probably not tell her that you think she's making a mistake so much as disguise it as you checking in with her. Just to see if she's doing okay. Tell her you just want to make sure she's thought it through and this is what she really wants. I mean everyone knows that it is a sister's job to watch out for their sister. To be skeptical and make sure that their sister is not setting themselves up to be hurt. Just let her know that you don't want her to be hurt and how much it hurt you to watch her go through painful breakups before. I'm sure she'll be receptive to you if you come to her that way, and maybe you can get her started thinking about taking things a little more slowly.
In the end though, I hope you will continue to be there for your sister. Even though she makes a lot of mistakes and she sounds like she can be pretty mean I know you still care about her. Hopefully someday soon she will wisen up.
2006-08-02 11:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by ykokorocks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should really go because if you don'tthen you will more than likely regret it. at the end of the day its an imortant event in her life and if you dont go she may not forgive you. is it worth losing family member over? i know exactly how you feel but surely inviting you to this wedding show's that she has learnt from her mistakes or is at least trying to rectify them. you need to decide if not going is worth the pain it will cause in the family or by just feeling the pain youself, and going to the wedding, would be a better idea?
2006-08-05 10:03:47 · answer #4 · answered by *Dee* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a mess - I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
I would go and then sneak out half way through the reception. During the break between the ceremony & reception, make an appearance, sit in the back for dinner, and then tip toe out halfway through (right when dinner ends).
It's not your place to 'protest' her choices by not attending, but rather to be a supportinve family member. You dont have to agree, but you should at least go for a little bit. It won't kill you and it will keep a huge fight from happening.
Good luck to you. : )
2006-08-02 13:39:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go! What's the big deal? Who cares about your principals, it's not about you! It's about your sister getting married, even if you do think it's a mistake. At the end of the day, yu'll get to meet up with loads of famly and enjoy a free meal at the very least. I dont see the point in not going. I fmy brother never came to my wedding, Id think that was the most selfish act commited.
2006-08-02 10:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by kitten 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't go to the first one. So you should oblige this time.
Evrybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. If she invited you this time (regardless of the past, is gone) is becaise she wanst to do things right and start over with you.
Stop holding on the grudge and accept her olive branch that she is extending you. Not going would be childish and start a family feud.
Go, wish her well and put the past behind you.
Good luck
2006-08-02 10:15:25 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd go just to keep the peace and then in weeks or months to come your sister can't go off on one at you for not attending her wedding day, you seem to be worried about her mistakes so much but its her life and she is the one that is making them not you, let her do what she wants to do and just enjoy the day.
2006-08-02 10:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on you, if you dont go will you feel bad about it and will the grief you get be never ending? We all have to do stuff we dont want from time to time and just because shes not a great sister doesnt mean you should go down to her level. Maybe you should just go so she cant throw it in your face and no one can give you a hard time. Good luck xx
2006-08-02 10:14:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go after all she is your sister, no matter how many mistakes she has made in the past, if she hasnt learnt from them now, do you think she ever will?
Keep the peace, it would be shame to lose your family.
2006-08-02 10:03:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she invited you then you should go, regardless of the 1st wedding. Just don't take it so personal and come to terms that (as you have described) you two are not that close, but you are sisters still, no matter what.
2006-08-02 10:06:20 · answer #11 · answered by Lovinlife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋