M yr Old, destructive, no respect, thinks it's all funny.?

Question

I have 2 sons, my 3 year old is always smashing up his toys and telling me that he no longer wants them. Even his beloved Thomas track gets it. He is very spitfeull to his 5 yr old brother. Knows how to wind him up. When we try to discipline he just thinks it's funny. Have tried putting him on the stairs, removing toys, star charts, rewards, treats, ignoring bad behaviour. So far none of it seems to work. At present he has an empty bedroom as he totally trashed it. I caught him bouncing really hard on his bed and told him that he would have to sleep on the floor if it broke. 2 minutes later he was laughing whilst telling his brother he would have to sleep on the floor. I know that 3 yr olds can be worse than 2 yr olds. But I never had it this bad with my older son. I'm just lost for ideas. Please can someone help?? I feel like I'm failing as a mum. I try my hardest to keep my voice calm and not loose my temper but sometimes a scream from the top of a hill sounds perfect!!!

Answer 1

this is going to sound absolutely crazy, and u may b a lil afraid to do it, but try this. turn off ur computer and spend some time with the kid. not in 5 minutes, not when ur favorite chatter left the chat room, not after ur message board mommas go watch their soaps, not when ur finished blogging. RIGHT NOW! save ur internet use for when they r sleeping.

Answer 2

Spank them.

As the saying goes, "Spare the rod, Spoil the child".

Sounds like your kids know you won't punish them so they've turned into little monsters. IF you don't act now, it's only going to get worse.

Have you really ever seen Pop Psych work for anyone? NO. For Hundreds of years spanking has worked just fine and only recently have we stop spanking. Now kids are hooked on drugs, getting thrown out of school, and having bastard children. For Pete's sake start being a parent and not a friend. Show them who's boss or in 10 years you're going to have serious problems with them.

Kids are not rational. Don't think that you can sit them down and have a reasonable conversation with them. They just aren't going to understand....

(After reading other responses -) And for crying out loud. DO NOT MEDICATE your kids (at least not at this age). Medicine is not an exact science. Though there are benefits, there are also repercussions. How many drugs have you seen pulled off the market after being FDA approved? HUNDREDS. So do not medicate your kids. You do not know what it's doing to them.
Most psych meds are just going to dull their senses. They won't really be your kids anymore. They will be an empty shell. If and when they ever get off of the meds, they are going to have a hard time learning to adjust and cope with life.
If there's nothing actually 'wrong' with them (ie. schizo) then don't drug them.

For example; 100 years ago we discovered Radium. This was thought to be an aphrodisiac. It wasn't until some smucks bottom JAW fell OFF that the govt put a ban on it.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like your kid is really testing his limits, and it sounds like you are doing the right things. Ever try a good old spanking? If that is out of the question, keep doing what you are doing, but make your son stay in his room without toys or interaction as punishment. Give things back only as a reward for good behavior.

In general, kids hate to be by themselves, especially without anything to play with. And if even the bed has been removed from the room, that doesn't leave much to do in there. Make the room as disinteresting as possible, until it really becomes a punishment to be in there.

Answer 4

It doesn't sound like you're able to control this child, and that's probably not your fault, given what you describe. I'm not a doctor but your child might benefit from being seen by one, and possibly being tested and treated for a physical problem, then referred to a child psychologist for further evaluation. Three year olds get wild and out of hand at times, yes, but any age can. The fact that it's consistent behavior that he won't accept correction for is a big red flag that's saying: "I need help, and you need some to learn to deal with me effectively, Mom." A call or visit to your pediatrician would be an excellent place to start.

His actions could indicate any one of many physical or behavioral problems, and you need to find some resources that will allow you to deal with him effectively. You're not failing as a mom, but not all children can be raised without help, and while you know that his behavior is both unacceptable and excessive, you need to accept that it may be a warning sign that something isn't right. Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

try firm discipline - it is true that when you spare the rod you spoil the child (it is hard for mothers to give their children a hiding) but remember that all of this if not being dealt with appropriately will make your child grow into a destructive and abusive man, you may want to try spending more quality time with him that quantity time??? like take a book and colour with him if he has been good, make it fun, get sand from outside and grass to stick on the pictures rather than really colouring with pens, this will be interesting to him and it will stimulate him as well, remember to tell him that mom is colouring with him because he has been good and taking care of his belongings, when he becomes destructive, give him a hiding and send him to the toilet (remember that in their rooms, they are stil in their own space and can imagine all kinds of little things when there, leaving no time to think about what they have done) be firm in your punishment and loving in your praise, you can rather feel like a terrible forever shouting mother now and reep the benefits later than one day feeling you have failed and it is too late, good luck sweetie - dont feel sorry and comfort your child either when you have given a hiding, i know this is hard, you will soon see a big change if you hang in there.

Answer 6

What you need is someone like super nanny - but on a serious note you are not a failing parent, your child is a spoilt brat, although you may be in denial because as mother you have trouble being judgemental about your children but your child is spoiled rotten - there may be more underlying psychological problems that have yet to be diagnosed but this what be the initial diagnosis - you need to take him to someone, a child therapist or specialist in behavioural disorders maybe. I Don;t think he will grow out of it, he will just 'grow' further out of hand.

Answer 7

You are not failting as a mother. first of all stop replacing his toys. If he wants to smash give him an outlet, My mother set me out in the backyard with things to destroy that helped me alot. But really he is expressing his anger and he has to be helped to be honest I think there is alot that is going on. He is possibly having mood swings though rare enough in a child it can happen. It is almost like he is bipolar. Really I think you have tried alot of things. You dont mention time outs. And you really do not say where is "Dad' in all this. Funny thing is Dad is one of the things that really helped keep me on the straight and narrow. "Wait until your dad gets home' was most effective in affecting my worst impulses. In any event, perhaps it is time for professional assistance.

Answer 8

Have you heard of the show Nanny 911? It is a great show. They give you tips on alternate ways to discipline your children. My son is three. He is extremely active. He used to talk back. I tried everything. But worked for me was putting him in time out and making him hold a book in the air. He stays there three minutes. Afterward, I explain to him what he did, why it was wrong, and that there will be consequences for misbehavior. Most importantly have patients with them. Kids will be kids. Good Luck.

Answer 9

The boy needs to be spanked. I realize that that is not the politically correct stance to take in this day and age, but screw PC. Your child has no fear of punishment and will continue to get worse until he does. When I was growing up, I got slapped ONCE by my mother...and I deserved it. but the "fear" was always there. additionally, you need to stop making idol threats. If you tell him that you are going to take things away from him and not do it, he will never have any respect for anything you say. "Time-outs" don't work. Threats don't work. Actions do.

Answer 10

It is alright. I have a six-year-old brother whose attitude and behaviours are the same as your son.

Maybe you should try to talk to him. I've once displayed an emotional outburst in front of my brother and he was quiet after that. Make him understand.

I'm not sure whether this helps. Because after all, I'm only fourteen years old.

Answer 11

Sounds like he's got you trained perfectly. He is in control - you aren't. Question is, what are you going to do about it? Personally, I think a bit of yelling and a swat on the butt would cure this pretty fast, but I'm old-fashioned.