my brother?

Question

my brother is 18 only just, and about 6 weeks ago started seeing this girl with a baby and was pregnant not his kids. she has recently had the baby and now he his proposing to her and moving in with her playing daddy to her kids. but also ignoring his family alot what to do.

to the people asking me who am i to judge i have a baby im 22 im getting married. hes 18 and none of the kids are his its hard having your own let alone someone elses

also sorry about this its not me hes ignoring we are very close its his mum

Answer 1

Not your business to interfere. Be happy for him.

Answer 2

I think if he's going to pursue this he should get counseling. Not only your brother for taking on an entire family but also this girl who must understand that he is already part of his own family who is concerned about his future. I know of situations like this that have worked out, but being so young they BOTH need to know what to expect going in, because managing a marriage and raising children simultaneously is hard work. In the meantime, families on both sides should be supportive and NOT BUTT in. Even though they may think these young people are "too young" it is not their decision. I think with the right balance of counseling and family support it could work. Telling your brother not to pursue it will only make him rebel, enter into the relationship without the right perspective through counseling and that is the precursor to divorce. He sounds like a good kid, give him a chance.

Answer 3

I think he needs the bumps on his head felt by a specialist, is this girl he is with having a big influence over him, god forbid she encourages him to adopt the kids or he will be paying for that mistake forever more, isn't there a friend of his you can talk to about this and maybe get him to speak to your brother and see what the real situation is, maybe your brother knows you all feel angry about what he is doing and is too embarrassed to come home and see you all, but you know at the end of the day we all have to make our own path in life and if we make mistakes then we are the one that has to deal with them, I feel for you all but hopefully he really does love this girl and you will all come together as a family again and if he gets hurt by this girl just be there for him and don't tell him I told you so, good luck.

Answer 4

thats a tough on! There is only so much you can say or so with an 18 year old boy. He doesnt have enough experience to handle this type of relationship especially when they think they are in love. It may be going fast and it seems exciting to him now but that will wear off... I wouldnt tell him NOT to do it but to consider a long engagement... maybe the new will wear off and he wont be so excited to be 18 moving into a premade family with another mans infant.

Answer 5

Sit it out, honey. There's not much you can do. If you antagonise him you will only make it worse. He might see sense soon - there's nothing more boring than sitting home looking after your own kids, but someone else's!!!
On the other hand, he may genuinely be in love. I do know where this has happened and it's been a very successful marriage - 24 years to date! (he was 19 and she was 31 with three kids).
He's obviously a lovely caring guy. Grit your teeth and bear it.

Answer 6

Its sometimes difficult for relatives to adjust to someone getting married, but you have to realize that if he's proposed to her (and is trying to be a father to her children), he's just taken on a whole new load of responsibilities, and his time with the rest of his family might be waning. It's not that he doesn't care for his family anymore, I'm sure he loves you all very deeply, but he has people that he has to be a primary caretaker to, and that takes a lot of time and work. Be happy for him, and try not to feel bad when he doesn't spend quite as much time with you as he used to. He's growing up and leaving the nest- something we all have to do in time. :)

Answer 7

Well sometimes its hard to get through someone who thinks their in love. But the truth is that his a grown boy not yet a man though, but let him learn from his mistakes and besides it might help him built character so let him be and just try to look for the upside of his situations.

Answer 8

Sounds like he is in love.

If you want keep the closeness then the best thing to do is to remain the same. Don't put anyone down in front of him.
Nothing ever stays the same forever, and he will spend more time with his family when his relationship settles down.

The worse thing to do would be to constantly oppose it. That would only push him further away.

Answer 9

i would say it depends if her kids are goin to see there natural father or not? if not good on him for been a man about it, but as for the marriage bit id tell them 2 have a very long engagement instead, it wont be as heartbreaking then if it goes wrong, also engagement is still a big commitment, i have been engaged for 12 years now, and i still am not fussed about a wedding, oh and yes i do love my fella.

Answer 10

I am sorry to hear that, is he younger or older then you? My opinion is that what your mom needs to understand is that he has just turned 18 and he feels that it is his life and he can & will do what he wants to with it!!! If this is the way that he is determined to go,then it doesn't matter what she might say to him! Now he still needs to have all of his family's love,guidance, & support, especially hers in his life. He needs to know that all of you are there for him!! I believe that he has shyed away from his mom because he thinks that she does not believe in him or is willing to be there for him as well! When she sits and talks with him she is probrably disagreeing with what he is doing, so he is rebelling against her because he feels that no matter what, even if she does agree or disagrees with his decisions she will never have any confidence in him any way! I think that he would love for his mom to have confidence in him, as well as having her love, and support! It is one thing to disagree with him. But when she is not only disagreeing, but she is also insulting his intelligence (even though she doesn't mean too) and she tries to make him see things her way, that will only make him want to rebel and put his life into even deeper jepordy!!!!
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 11

Its new to him and she is controlling him also. He will come to his senses as soon as the bills start rolling in! It costs ALOT to raise a baby, not to mention 2! Do not talk down about her or negative about her or her kids. It will only drive him further to her. Be supportive of his decision and love him. Don't fight w/her. Love and support him and grin and bare her. Things will work out. I promise!!!