Should we have another child, we already have 2, a boy and a girl?

Question

My husband wants 1 or 2 more children, we already have a boy 7, and a girl 2. We have a big enough house, and financially we could afford more, BUT I don't know how if I'm really going to be able to fit additional children into our already busy life, I'm a at home mother, Any at home moms out there!! Do you find it crazy , and unorganized with more than 2 children? Please help, my husband is really gung ho, and I really cannot make up my mind, he will respect my decision either way, but I just want to be sure that I make an educated decission. Anyone come from a big family? Was it fun or horrible? Was there any really bad feelings, like you felt ignored? Like your parents didn't have enough time for you? Or was it great? Please let me know

I'm glad to hear that everyone from a larger family didn't feel unloved, or not cared about.I think that is my biggest fear. Will I have enough love to give?
When my husband and I got married, we thought that we would try having just one, and see how we did, and then we decided that one was great, so we wanted to have 2 , so our oldest wouldn't be so lonely, and well 2 is fun, they are a really nice and funny bunch, I laugh alot, they are alot of fun. As for the ' what if the next child isn't perfect' we will take what God gives us, he doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle ( at least he hasn't yet!). Please keep giving me your positive and negative experiences in a larger family. Thank You!

Answer 1

I am a SAHM of 3. My oldest and youngest are 2 wks shy of 3 yrs apart. I won't lie, in my situation, it is crazy. But not much more than it was with my first two (they are 17 months apart). Lots of mayhem right now, diapers, potty training, bottles, sippy cups, toys all over. Since we are all home--I'd like to think we all get a lot of attention. I find time, and so does my husband. And my husband and I do find time for each other. Hence--3 kids in 3 yrs. I do understand these years will be crazy. But as time goes on, it gets easier, less crazy, preschool starting, diapers going away, sippy cups in the garbage...etc. We go places and get around. Going shopping has gotten easier. And we all just got back from family reunion (3 hour car ride) and a 9 hour flight to Hawaii.

Now, like you--my husband was content with 2. I was not. First of all, I was not done. I wanted more kids. That was just the bottom line. I came from a family of 6. My husband came from a family of 4. And three of our parents are deceased...died when we were very young. Currently, I have my mom, and 3 brothers and we all live near each other---except one brother. We get together for holidays, birthdays...etc. My husband has 1 sister--who lives states away. My children don't even know them. My husband has a good relationship with his sister. But some familly issue came up, and she was not available for us. I know I can count on any one my brothers and if one was not available---I have 2 others. It got me thinking that when we are gone all my kids will have are each other. My sister in law has 4 kids. She said after losing her parents---it was lonely---so she wanted lots of kids! Unfortunately for us, they are not closer---but fortunately for them--they are a big family on their own.

My family growing up was fun---there was us, then lots and lots of cousins. I never felt ignored. We went on vacation every summer. Even Europe--every other summer because my mom is from Europe. But, we didn't have the world, we had what we needed---and that has helped me be the person I am.

To sum it up--I would have to agree with another poster---I would not change anything for the world. My older two--just love their baby brother. He's just been a great playmate. And my husband has been terrific---for not wanting another---this has been a good experience for him. #3 has been such a blessing. And I cannot imagine not having him. My family feels complete now--and we are done---I do know my limits.

I do understand your concerns. Keep in mind--your 7 yr old is in school. Your 2 yr old will be in preschool soon. Your day will be broken up so that you can make time for everyone. Your older two would be helpful. But, I think deep down---if you are done you are done. If you aren't....you aren't....and you know it.

Answer 2

Hi Kristy,
I have an 8 year old boy and a 10 month old daughter. I find that my 8 year old is a huge help around the house and keeps my daughter entertained. I know that a 2 year old can be very challenging sometimes...If you wait another year or two when your daughter is potty trained and a little more independent (maybe in pre-school), then you might just enjoy having a new baby around.

I've also been going back and forth about having another child. I change my mind every day! You never know how you'll feel later...Just don't rush into it now if you are feeling unsure. Wait until you are both feeling gung ho about it. :) And if that never happens, then at least you are still blessed with 2 children. You even got your boy and girl! Good luck...

By the way, I was raised in a large family. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I think its nice having that companionship at home even if you don't always get along. And now it is like having 4 best friends that you know will always be there for you.

Answer 3

We have three, I stopped because I wanted to be done having children at 30. I'm sure my husband would have loved to go on because we have three girls, but I'm done having biological children now. We've had our good and bad times, just as all families do...it's harder when the kids are closer in age, and you have 2-3 in diapers all at once. That's when I stressed the most, but perhaps if you space them out about 3-4 years in between it might not be so hard, but then again that's only a guess. It also depends on your personality and the relationship that you have with your husband. It doesn't help to have children and the father not be around, because that adds alot of work and stress to your life. I grew up with a brother, kind of glad my parents didn't have more...but always wished there would have been another one, prefferably a sister so I don't know. I'm glad my girls will have eachother. Again, this descision is only between your husband and you and maybe ya'll should sit down and really discuss it before you just end up giving in and getting pregnant and then being resentful. Having children is a HUGE descision. Best wishes!

Answer 4

My suggestion is that you have to look inside yourself. If you don't feel that you have neither the time nor energy for another baby, by all means don't have one. I do know that if you think this and still have one, you will love the baby no more or no less than the other two. I am the youngest of 4 children and had no problems. My other thing right now is, look at society...even if I could have another one, I wouldn't. I can't believe the way society has changed since I have had my 2 children (a girl and a boy, btw). The crime, the drugs and list is continuous. I honestly would say, take advantage of what you got and give it your all. Who knows? Once the 2 year old is in school, you may want to start again. Hope this helped.

Answer 5

I would say that you have to go with your heart and what you think will work out right for you and your family. What works for one will not always work for another. That being said, I a stay at home mother of 3 boys ages 6, 3 and 1. I plan on having at least 1 more. I love being a mother and this is my full time job. We are a very busy family also, but I always find time for my children. I don't really think it is that much different having 3, but that is just my opinion. I know people that have 3 and are completely overwhelmed. You really just have to think for a while before you make any final decisions and make sure that you know what you really want.
God bless and good luck!

Answer 6

I have one child and we are contemplating adding another addition to our family in the FAR future. I came from a household that at one time had 2 parents(my grandparents) 4 other "kids" all 10+ years older than me (including my birth mother(she was 26 when I was born) and me! Let me just tell you the happiest day in my life was when my uncle purchased his home and moved out!( every one else had left before then including my birth mother) I loved being an only child, then again I tend to be a little spoiled. My grandparents had the space and the money for everything, and I lived in both situations. I prefer to have a small family and spend real quality time with each person b/c once you have too many kids your time and resources are stretched too thin. Good Luck!

Answer 7

How sad that you didn't discuss this before you decided to marry. So many people marry without knowing each other.
It sounds as though your husband wanted more children and you are just finding this out because you only wanted a couple.
It really isn't up to what we think. I can tell you that I had four and while it was busy and crazy, we did find educationally with them and financially. If God wants you to have four then he will provide for them.
This decision is between you and your husband. Maybe you need to decide whether the things that are keeping you busy are necessary (are they needs or wants). Do your first two have to be in softball? Do you really need to work? Questions like that.
Also, if, and it sounds like deep inside you don't really want anymore, you don't want anymore than maybe it time to tell your husband what you should have discussed before you married.

Answer 8

All I have to say is how lucky you are to be a stay-at-home Mom. Can I just say that in all my 39 years all I have ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home Mom, but unfortunately that has never happened. I have two great boys 16 & 10, but my biggest heartache has been not being at home for them and having to find other people to tend to them while I and my husband work. You should be thankful for what you have and be happy with your 2 children.

Answer 9

I'm an only child with 4 kids.Wow,huh?My oldest is 13 ,then 11,5,and the baby is 4.My oldest is a girl with 3 boys following.I waited 5 1/2 ys in between my second and third child.I wasn't sure I wanted anymore after my second,but when he got bigger,I changed my mind.And ,ya know what?It's not really that much different.It takes a little getting used to,diapers and late night feedings all over again.But after the first month or so,everything works out.You see,I always wanted a big family.Being an only child,I always wondered who I would have if something happened to my parents.I'd be alone.So this way my kids always have somebody to play with and will never be truely alone.And my daughter has 3 brothers to watch over her when she starts dating :-).I won't lie.It gets loud in here sometimes,and I feel like screaming,but I wouldn't change it for anything when they all do something really silly that makes me laugh.They all get together and make up plays and shows and stuff,then fight 10 min. later.And think of it,you stay at home.So when your 4 yr old goes to school,you will be alone.Perfect time for you and baby to bond.And theres always time for every one of mine,somehow or the other.Truthfully,I'd have another one if I could afford it.My husband wants another girl,but we have no room for another one.And my luck,I'd get another boy :-P.

Good luck,with whatever you decide.

Answer 10

I have 3 sisters and 4 brothers. Only two of boys weren't around (they lived with their father). A big family can be alot of fun and then it can drive someone nuts. Someone always feels like someone else is hogging all the attention or getting babied. But the upside, we weren't really ignored. There was always someone for us to talk to and someone to play with. But there were times that there just wasn't enough of mom to go around (my mom was a single mother).
And since she had to work, the cleaning responsiblity fell to us. It's hard to explain, I loved having a big family but I also hated it.
If you decide on it, don't rely on your oldest ones to get things done. Making them to chores is one thing but if you use them as a baby sitters, they'll end up not liking their younger siblings and really despising everything about the family.
It's your descision. If you think your up for all the trouble and chaos, then go for it. If not, have just one more. 3 kids is not bad at all. I think it's the perfect family size.

Answer 11

Well, I am in the making of a big family. I have 5 and pregnant with 2 more so soon I will have 7. I had 3 people in my family and I felt that I always wanted a sister. I would have loved a big family. If you want more kids, have them. It doesnt matter what anyone says.