help with 12 year old son?

Question

My 12 year old son keeps saying no to me when i ask him to do somethin and when you yell at him he has a grin on his face he thinks its funny.He get's very sarcastic and when you argue when "he" has heard enough he says alright drop it already as if he's the adult no matter what i take away from him he still does it.Over his dad's his grandpa will buy him just about anything he wants. He get's new shoes when his gets dirty he always has to get something when he goes out and he tries that with me to.I know he is spoiled especially over there but his 16 year old sister don't even ask for much. I always thought it would be vice versa with girls. I have a 24 year old son and never had these kind of problems with him. I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or what i should do. any suggestions?

Answer 1

You need to go total military mom/ yeah, like supernanny. or dr. phil.

Lay down the law. Put your foot down. Set some major limits and ground rules. Don't let him run all over you. He's testing you and so far you've given in to him on everything.

Take away everything he has and he can earn it back. If he messes up and doesn't do as he's asked, then take it away. He'll get bored real fast sitting in a room with only 4 walls and that's it. I mean seriously, bed, and everything gone! Dr. Phil kicks butt on this issue. Make a chore chart that he has to stick to, if he doesn't more privledges taken away. No friends, no phone, no computer, no gameboy, whatever he likes. Use what he likes as currency.

Answer 2

Does he get an allowance? Start taking away from that if he does. If not, you need to talk with his grandfather and work together or else he will only get worse. Also, kids are usually defiant because of some underlying reason. Try positive reinforcement...tell him when he does something good and mean it. Make it worth it for him to do what you want. Otherwise, why would he? Think about it. If he can tell you NO, and it works, why wouldnt he? Also, dont try to control him. Thats just a reason for him to be more defiant. Put things into perspective. Tell him he has a choice. He can do X and get Y, or he can not to X and as a result of his choice, will not get what he wants. Make him feel in control a little. Kids dont like to feel like slaves...they want to be respected too.

Answer 3

At twelve in America, I understand what your are saying, they are the man, if you want them to, you are one who pay the bills, so you have to get up on your two feet and show this young man who is the boss, he need some good spanking, lay him across your knees and use a pin pon bat and spank him across his behind teach a lesson, is is not against the law to spank a child it is how you do it, and for god sake stop the yelling it wont help it only worsen things, I know what the dad is doing, he is trying to show the child that he is a better parent, the bible says don't spoil the child and save the rod, the rod is the pin pon bat, if you can do it by your self turn him over to his older brother, or Marry
me I will help (Smile) good luck to you all

Answer 4

First, never argue with your child. It's pointless and it doesn't teach them anything. Second, you can't control what the grandparents give or buy for him but you can insist that whatever they give him stay at their house and tell them, in front of your son and his father, that if these things come to your house then it's under your control. Third, tell your son that if he continues to be disrespectful then you will throw everything out except his clothes because as a parent the only thing you are legally required to do is to provide food, clothing and shelter. Here comes the hard part. You have to be willing to follow through. Make him prepare his own meals, make him do his own laundry and if he doesn't then only give him one set of clothes to wear. Then if none of that works, give him a good old fashioned spanking.

Answer 5

no you're not doing anything wrong-I live in the same situation-but I have the 12 year old brother (i am the 16 year old daughter, of a divorced family), he gets everything he wants-and you are strong not to give in to your son-my mother does and the sad thing is he is spoiled(at both houses) and doesn't use half of what she buys him(or what my father buys him) and accourding to my school my mom is in the lowest class-money wise.........but any ways make sure your son knows the differences between being with you and being with his father.....maybe even have him list them if you can...and help him understand why things are like that-and most things in life have to be worked for-and that you are only trying to help him learn life leasons- so that once he's on his own he won't parish from not having everything he wants or needs......but that the main thing he should always consintrate on having his family and showing that he loves and respects them...then maybe you could try having him list the things that he is greatful for, and the things that he really doesn't need....

well I hope everything works out for you, good luck, and if worse comes to worse you might consider talking to his father about this or a counslir, with your son-considerably-GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Strip his room, I mean STRIP IT!!!! Just have his bed with a sheet blanket and pillow on it, and his dresser. Take most of his clothes away, his favorite shirts ect. This will definately teach him. Make him come home do his homework, then all he can do is read. No phone or internet or nothing. Take away all sports as well. Nothing. Then make him go to bed earlier. Run his life like he is a prisoner. Do this for about 4 weeks. He will never disrespect you again.

Answer 7

i have the same problem with my son i took everything away possable and that didnt work he would just call hiss dad to come and pick him up so after a year of this i told his dad well see if its all fun and games when he lives with him its been six mths now and he want to come home i said no i think it taught him a lesson that i was`nt so hard to live with after all i love my son but i don`t disrespect him and he`s not going to disrespect me he has learned that im not funny anymore of course it was heard on me to do this but the respect is coming back instead of argueing all the time we are building a stronger relationship and my rule aint so bad after all

Answer 8

What you need to do is to tell his grandparents to not give him everything he want. They are grandparents, so they are going to give him some things, but not that much. Start taking things he cares about away like phone, x-box, internet, etc. Then he will realize that he will have to watch him mouth, or he will end up losing. Don't show him how mad you get, it only makes him happier. Watch out with the crowed he is hanging out with school, or the people he talks to on-line.

Answer 9

Sound like someone is playing the parental units!!
I have a son that played me against his grandparents.
Now at 27 he has been diagnosed as bi polar!Not saying your is.
I would suggest that you get him in counsling asap!! If he is allowed to continue with this behavior it is only going to get worse. Does his dad make him mind? What if is older bro talked to him about it. would that help? I would talk to his Dr. and see if he could recomend someone. If he says that it is just his age talk to someone else!! Call the school guidance counselor they can recommend someone!
Do it now!
Good luck you are going to need it!

Answer 10

I wish I could add something new but I think the two 12 year olds that posted here made excellent points. Out of the mouths of babes!!!