if your mom left you for 4 years and came back, should i forgive her?

Question

she left for 4yrs after she deforced my dad and came back. I can't even call her by her name .

Answer 1

You are angry and you should be. You don't owe her anything. She was a mother to you and she abandoned you. Respect and love are earned not obligated. Take your time and tell her you are angry and hurt and all the other things. Tell her what shes missed and how many times you cried. Don't let her off the hook until she fully understands. You can't move forward until you greet the past.

Answer 2

Same thing happened to me. My mom left me when I was 5 and came back when I was 14. There was no contact in between those years. I had no choice but to live with her at age 14, being a minor. I do still see her but I really hate her. I call her by her first name.

If you are over 18, then there is no reason you should have contact with her if you don't want to.

Go to therapy about this. I did and it sort of helped. I wrote her a letter telling her how I felt about her, asking questions, etc. She refused to answer but that's her own delusion of being a good mom and thinking SHE raised me. That's what I'm working on now - how she has her own reality of the situation and I can't change that. I can only accept and try to salvage a relationship or cut contact for good.

Answer 3

Thats too bad. As much as it may upset or hurt u have to talk to her to get her story as to why she did this. There could be a 100 reasons she did what she did. She may have did it because of something with u dad or maybe she thought u would be better off with ur dad, may be she was so hurt over the divorce that she could face being around u anymore because she though u felt it was her fault.

Parents are not perfect and they do make mistakes, so talk with her and ask her why did she leave? I'm sure she knows ur wondering and she knows that ur gonna come to her sooner or later about this. U have a right to know.

I hope whatever the reason is u and she will kiss and makeup and have a better relationship

Answer 4

Forgive? Why would you forgive her.
Can you move forward from that? Sure you can, but she has to been willing to put forth the effort and you have to be open to it.

There might be a good reason why she wasn't around. Four years isn't your entire lifetime. A relationship like that needs tons of work and both parties will have to work hard on it, but she will have to work a LOT harder. If she is willing to put forth the effort then you should at least attempt to move forward.

Foriving doesn't even factor into this as even if you said you forgave her you know deep down inside that you would still feel resentment. Until she can show you that she is there for you, and you no longer feel any resentment can you move forward to forgiveness.

She hurt you deeply and she should be made aware of the pain she caused you, if she is willing to try to make up or it, then you should be willing to try to give her a chance.

Answer 5

My mother left us when I was 8 for another man . She remarried a drunk five years later. I could go on but I will give you my personal advice. I speak from experience.

You don't have to forgive. You have to be civil if you totally forgive her she may feel she can do something to hurt you again,
and hurt you down the road. Focus on your friends and a GOOD education. I learned the hardway about my education and had to make up for it in night school then had tight times in college.

No matter how old you are you can set boundries. This will give you the space you need. Good luck!

Answer 6

Your mother abandoned you. You have every reason to feel hurt, angry, and resentful. Your feeling are perfectly normal. Here's a question, though. How long do you want to feel this way? Forever?

The only way to feel better is to tell your mother how you feel. If you can't do it face to face, write her a letter. Tell her exactly how you feel about her behaviour and about her. And, ask her every question you want to ask her. If your words are angry or accusatory, that's OK! She did what she did. She chose it. Ask her to respond by letter.

If she responds, then you can read her reply in the privacy of your room and cry or pound a pillow or whatever you need to do. Then once you have digested her response, you can start to talk with her.

If she doesn't respond, then you'll know where you stand.

Answer 7

Well nobody really can answer this for you. YOU and only YOU have to be the one to decide when you are ready to forgive her. Since there seems to be a lot of hurt involved it could take awhile. I would try and talk to her and explain how you feel. It's one step closer to mending the relationship - if in fact you do want one with her. You know what's in your own heart so follow what it tells you to do. Good luck!

Answer 8

My parents are divorced, too. He came back after 2 years, just barging in and smashed the telephone. My family didn't have cell phones yet. He began pretending nothing happened and before he left he took some things, like a robbery, but not really. I said "I hate you."
He said "I don't care."

Who is in the wrong?

Answer 9

No one can answer this but you. Maybe get to know her as a person before you can forgive what she did to you as a mother. Maybe talk with her about what she did and how that made you feel. That is a tough decision and it is one that only you can make. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

My dad left before i was born> I only seen him about 5 times. He died when I was 12. I was sad but I smiled a little in side too. Might sound wrong but........ I was 12