My wife & my mum will always end up in an arguement no matter what they do. Especially in the kitchen, when my wife will complain about my mum messing up and not cleaning up well after cooking. My wife is someone who is obsessed about cleanliness but my mum is a "can-do" type so that basically is the problem. This has been on-going for a year or so but my mum just felt that the kitchen is clean enough but to my wife, its far from her standard. She has even threatened to rent a house elsewhere just to avoid living with my mum.
I cannot defend either one of them, as I would be in trouble but I love them both. How should I approach this peacefully?
2006-08-01 15:56:33 · 7 answers · asked by Ronnie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you for everyone's advice but most of which have been selectively used. Both refuses to give in for some reasons so I insisted to my wife that should my mom messes up the place again, I will do the cleaning. It helps for a while and I thought this is probably the only way out. I must stress that being the only son in the family, I have to allow my mom to stay with me as she is a divorcee and I have to be a responsible son. Of cos every couple would love to have their own home without anyone else living there but I dont have much choice, ya? Both my mom n my wifey can never agree to anything even if I hold a meeting. It's never gonna work! Still I am wondering if there are any good suggestions.
2006-08-02 18:34:51 · update #1
Side with your wife,but love your mom
2006-08-01 16:17:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sherry H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife and her wishes come first now. Hard to deal with? Well, you are married now. Your mother is still your heart, true enough, but now you have to make more room for your lifetime mate.
You will have to allow your wife to be the woman of the house (if it is your house). Your mom had her chance to be the woman of her house when/if she was married and now her time is up. She can get her own place and take charge but in your home, she will have to respect your wife's wishes. If you know your wife's cleanliness standards, then you need to support her and show your mother what must take place.
Son's are too caught up in disappointing their moms or making them upset. But it's ok to allow your wife to be upset, that doesn't make sense.
Your wife should not have to talk about moving out or renting elsewhere to avoid your mother. Do you want to live with your mom and lose your wife? How fun would that be, is it worth it? Your mom needs to step aside and abide by your wife's wishes. Doesn't sound like your wife is asking for too much, and certainly isn't anything she shouldn't have already and that's control of her environment as long as you are alright with it, not your mom, you!
2006-08-01 23:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by Skypride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you're in a no win situation. Talking to either is going to make them both feel like you're taking the other's side. So sit them down. Tell them that you love them both - equally. Explain that the constant bickering between them is driving you crazy. You don't want them to fight anymore and find some common ground. Your wife wants it clean, so then maybe mom tries a little harder to make your wife happy. Mom doesn't see the problem, maybe the wife needs to relax a little.
Maybe you suggest that the two of them fix the problems together and take yourself out of it because you can't live your life as a referee. I mean I know I'm being blunt, so you might want to flower up how you approach it. But it seems all three of you are unhappy - so you've got to do something drastic.
2006-08-01 23:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, i understand what you are going through. I think its easier to talk to ya wife as compared to ya mum. Shifting out of the house is not a bad idea, at least for a while. Wife always like to have some personal time with their hubby, have a mother in law isn't kinna romantic to a lady.
But once you got a kid, a mother in law can be very helpful and she will learn to appreciate her presence.
2006-08-01 23:06:46 · answer #4 · answered by Stubertsg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your mum to do the cooking, your wife to do the cleaning! The rational behind is, don't side anyone.
2006-08-01 23:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth are the two of you living with your mother? It's time to be adults now, time to move out. No wonder they are arguing, each wants to run her own house.
2006-08-01 23:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a place of your own and move out.
2006-08-03 04:06:31 · answer #7 · answered by Lawrence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋