Anyone know any corny jokes such as...?

Question

(and please don't be offended) what do you call the guy with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. I'm looking for some of those. Grosser than gross would be cool too. Yeah, taking a walk down memory lane. No, in reality, I want to have some good clean jokes to tell my kids.

Answer 1

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...
...hanging on a wall? Art
...under a car? Axel
...who used to be a boxer? Big Ears
...in a mailbox? Bill
...floating in a pool? Bob
...on the bottom of a pool? Duane
...in a bank? Buck
...on your shoulder? Chip
...and his friend hanging around a window? Curt 'n Rod
...covered with oil? Derrick
...with a spade? Doug
...without a spade? Douglas
...at a barbecue? Frank
...flying over the fence? Homer
...in the trunk of a car? Jack
...in a GMC? Jimmy
...in the bathroom? John
...impaled on a stick? Lance
...on a porch? Mat
...on a piece of paper? Mark
...on a stage? Mike
...in a hole? Phil
...on a hill? Roland
...under a bush? Russell
...waterskiing? Skip
...in a hot tub? Stu
...with a pet rabbit? Warren
What do you call a gal with no arms and no legs...
...on a tennis court? Annette
...in a bag? Carrie
...floating on a pond? Lily
...hanging on a clothes line? Peg
...between two slices of bread? Patty

Answer 2

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one!
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball!
Why was it hot after the basketball game?
A: Because all the fans were gone!
Why is tennis such a noisy game?
A: Because everyone raises such a racket!
What did the grape do when he got squashed?
A: He gave out a little whine!
What kind of key doesn't fit into a keyhole?
A: A keyboard key!
How do you stop meatballs from drowning?
A: Put them in gravy boats
What is the demons' favorite TV sitcom?
A: Fiends
Why are graveyards so noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin
What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on a head and I'll hang around
Why is a river rich?
A: Because it has two banks
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: They're trying to get away from the noise
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A pool table
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: They all have phones
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick
What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on a head and I'll hang around.
What do you call a 18 wheeler loaded with pigs?
A : an 18 squeeler - Submitted by Troy, age 5
What would you get if you crossed pasta with a snake?
A: Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork
What do you call the top of a dog house?
A: The Woof
What vegetable has rhythm?
A: A Beet
What awards to the give to wonderful Grandmothers?
A: The Grammies
What kind of shirt always needs a shower?
A: A Sweatshirt
What did they wear to the Boston Tea Party?
A: T-Shirts

Answer 3

A Hobbit, a Muchkin and an Oompah-Loompah walk into a bar. "We'd like some beers!" The bartender looks around in a panic and says "Begorrah! I'm hearing things!"

Customer: "Waiter, what's your thumb doing on my steak?"
Waiter: "Keeping it from falling on the floor again, sir!"

Willie found some dynamite;
Didn't understand it, quite.
Curiosity never pays.
It rained Willie seven days!

Sailor with a pelican on his head goes to a psychiatrist. Doctor says "Come in, sit down. Now tell me, how did all this begin?" Pelican says, "Well Doc, it started out as a wart on my butt!"

Soldier with a sprained ankle goes to the base hospital. doctor examines him and hands him the largest tablet he's ever seen. Just then an emergency case comes in, but the soldier's ankle is killing him, so while the doctor is taking care of that, the soldier hobbles over to the water cooler and chokes down the tablet. A short while the doctor comes out again with a bucket and says, "Okay, throw that soap in here and we'll soak your foot."

How can you tell if there's been an elephant in your refrigerator?
You can see his footprints in the cheesecake!

Woman take a container of cottage cheese back to the store. "When I opened this up, I found splinters in it!" Manager looks at it and says, "Madame, what did you expect for $3.97, a whole cottage?"

Laugh or I'll tell them again!

Answer 4

What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.

What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.

You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a bo ne r.

But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a bo ne r.

Answer 5

how do you catch a bear in the north pole?

you cut a big cirlce out of the ice and aroung the edge of the ice you put a little green pea every inch or two. after your done go hide behind an igloo and wait and when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the icehole :) i hope this isn't too much for children i just thought it was funny because my dad told me that one when i was younger :)

Answer 6

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Becuase if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels)!

What kind of flowers are on your face?
Tulips (Two Lips)!

Answer 7

Where does a king keep his armies?

In his sleevies.




When does a policeman smell bad?

When he is on duty.



Why is 6 afraid 7?

Because 7 8 9.


What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eilean.

What do you call a japanese woman with one leg?
Irene.

Answer 8

I know this lady who wound up in hospital six times in the past year after falling off of her porch. Her name is Eileen Dover.

Answer 9

Okay...are blonde jokes okay? Or 'yo momma' jokes?

-Yo momma so stupid, she tripped on a cordless phone.
-What's the drink that all the blonde chicks are dying for? (water from concentrate)
-Yo momma so fat, one lap around her is considered a marathon.
-What did the ghost mom say to her son when they were in the car? (boo-kle up your sheet-belt) (okay, THAT was too corny)

yeah, sorry, too much corniness for me XD

Answer 10

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.