English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

I have a stepdaughter who is going to get married. I love her like my own and our relationship is great. She wants her stepdad and dad to walk her down the isle even though that is a priviledge that only dad should have, but her mom refuses to let me the stepmom be in the dressing room with my stepdaughter, a priviledge that she feels only mom should have. I wouldn't feel upset about it, except that the stepdad gets to share in the priviledge and I don't. I feel just awful and like my part in her life or heart is not as important a place. I was very hurt. I don't think I would be and I would be totally understanding if it was the same on both sides, but it isn't. The mom just dislikes me alot and told her daughter she would not be in the room if I was, yet my own daughter who is nine is also going to be in the wedding getting ready in that same room and I am not allowed in there. What advice does anyone have or experience?

2006-08-01 13:59:58 · 21 answers · asked by OnlyHis 2 in Family & Relationships Weddings

21 answers

I'm sure this is painful for you. This is one of those times when you have to swallow hard and do what makes things easiest for the bride. She'll love you forever if you tell her 1) that you love her and want to be there and 2) that you'll do whatever will make her wedding day the best for her.

2006-08-01 14:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 3 0

eeewwwwwww, this one's a sticky situation. I think you should leave it up to the bride, honestly. Shes' probably stressed out enough anyway, be the bigger person, let her mom be with her and don't worry the bride over it.

Your own daughter is another issue. Since she's in the wedding party as well, I would feel I would need to be in the room to help my own child get ready, call this a wild hunch, but I don't think the bride's mother will be offering to help with this one. You're going to want your little girl to look like an angel (I'm guessing she's a flower girl?). I wouldn't want my child to be getting ready without me, but I'd just keep her with me, rather than make a stink over not being "allowed" in with the bride. Make up some reason to tell the bride you don't think it will work to have her sister in there--you want her away from the adults, etc. Better yet, let your husband (her dad) handle it. Maybe the bride can talk to her mom and convince her that just because you're important in her life doesn't take away from the love she feels for her.

Whatever you decide to do, please take the high road. Your stepdaughter will thank you in the long (and probably short) run. If her mother's being an absolute witch too, she's probably sick of her as well. I understand you're hurt, but try not to let it get to you too bad. People act really weird over weddings, you know? Just don't join in the general nuttiness.

2006-08-01 16:56:33 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0 0

I know this is hard, and you may be completely right, but, if you love your stepdaughter, the best thing you can do is to just let it go. This is her day and it should be as harmonious and stress-free as possible. She knows you love her and you know she loves you and, in the end, that's all that really matters. Let her mother be a jerk - you can take the high road and help to give your stepdaughter the happy wedding she's always dreamed of.

By the way, I, too, have a dad and stepdad (and mom and stepmom), and I decided to just walk myself down the aisle rather than deal with the whole issue (plus, I figured that, since I'd been living on my own for several years by that time, I really didn't need anyone to "give me away").

2006-08-01 14:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by AnswerLady 4 · 1 0

Well, don't lose sight that it is the Bride's day. Don't cause her more stress or grief. Ask your step daughter if there is some other time before the wedding that you can have with her. I would think there would be some pictures going on before the ceremony and tell her you would like to have one with her. Church's have several little side rooms, not just one.

As for your 9 year old being in the room with the mom and not you - no way! I would be worried she would be rude and mean to my 9 year old. I would get the 9 year old dressed before you get to the church. Then she doesn't need to be in the room at all. And that IS something you have control over. I would calmly explain you don't want your daughter to be in the way and you would feel more comfortable taking care of her yourself.

2006-08-01 14:07:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Have a talk with your step daugther a lone and discuss your feelings and hurt. Discuss how you understand this is her day and you want to make sure it is a happy one. However, this hurts you still and knowing you can't be in their with your 9 year old even makes it worse. You understand that is her real mom. Just still like to be a part of it as much as you can. Can discuss that you feel it is wrong to put you in the middle, but you are willing to get along for this special day and difiantly dont her being there. Only to ask if she would discuss this with her mother.

My personal feelings if her mom wants to be a ***** and not be in there if you are, then she is not their for her daughter. Only for her self. If my mother did that to me, i would tell her that if my wedding didn't mean that much to "get alone" for at least an hour or two, then she doesn't need to be their PERIOD. but that is me and my way of doing things.

It is the brides decision and if she says "Im sorry but no" basically, then sadly that is the decision you will have to deal with.

2006-08-01 20:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0 0

Why do people have to be that way? Maybe you could try phoning the mother....and letting her know how important it would be to you to take part in every aspect of the the ritual of getting the bride ready. It's really not fair you know.....if you married the girl's father, and have been there for the girl also, no matter what the relationship with the mother.....you should be allowed to be in the room also

2006-08-01 14:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by Sherry D 1 · 0 0

Weddings are always an interesting deal. I have never actually been in a wedding even though I have a married brother a married brother in law and a married sister in law. Of course I'm not the mom but I know how it feels to be left out. Just try to enjoy the wedding. It's not the step daughters fault. Put it out of your mind and you will enjoy it even more when your daughter has her wedding :)

2006-08-01 14:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by zara01 4 · 0 0

This decision to placate her mom does not in any way diminish your relationship.

It sounds as though she has a lot of difficult people to please.

Try to be the one person in her life right now that isn't making demands on her.

It really isn't truly important -- it's symbolic. It's only this little tiny amount of time.

Try to make a special time for the two of you to be together, and let THAT be your symbolic "giving her away" time. That should satisfy your need for acknowledgment of what the relationship means to you.

During this time, tell her that, although you were a bit hurt at first, you don't want anything to get between the two of you, as she is very important to you.

If you push, you'll just be one more person making impossible demands (it's impossible to meet everyone's demands in this situation).

Be the person who isn't a problem. You'll never regret it.

2006-08-01 14:08:41 · answer #8 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0 0

You love her like a daughter.. then put your feelings aside and let her have it her way, even if it means she can't stand up to her mother. She will appreciate your kindness much more than her mother's nastiness. If you really want a special place in the wedding, take part in the receiving line and when it is time for your hubby to give the toast, have him include you.. both stand up.. and say a few words..

2006-08-03 05:56:49 · answer #9 · answered by Daring Zoey 2 · 0 0

Be the bigger person and let it go. This is her day and fussing because you don't feel included will only make the situation worse. Is there another room where you can assist your daughter with getting ready? If not, then you may want to help her before you leave to go to the church. Above all, don't let any of this get to you . . . just let it go.

Good luck!

2006-08-01 16:20:56 · answer #10 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 0 0

fedest.com, questions and answers