Funniest joke winner gets ten points make me laugh?

Question

no dumb blond jokes all other jokes welcome if u have like 20 im not picking u limit is 10

Answer 1

What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."

Answer 2

Three western mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first cowboy mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese!"

The second cowboy mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks themdown one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day!"

The first cowboy mouse and the second cowboy mouse then turn to the third cowboy mouse. The third cowboy mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullsh*t. I gotta go home and fu*k the cat."

Answer 3

You’re a hillbilly if your homepage is www.overyonder.com

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. He said, “See if these fit.” Of course she said they didn’t, so he replied, “Now you see who wears the pants in this house.” She thought for a minute and removed her panties, and asked him to try them on. He said, “I can’t get into these.” To which she responded, “And you won’t with that attitude!!”

Q: Do you know why women get those squinty lines around their eyes after you marry them?
A: From replying “You want me to suck WHAT?” (squint squint)

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, because at least he will shut up after you let him in.

Q: What is the difference between a dog & a fox?
A: About 5 drinks.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a minute and says, “Ok, give me $1,000,000 and then beat me half to death.”

My wife and I had a fight last night but it was my fault:
My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust.”

I married Miss Right
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time SHE brings it.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Answer 4

Since these jokes are the funniest that will make you laugh, when am I going to get those ten points. =)

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I scream

What did the painter say to the wall?
One more crack and I'll plaster you

What did the spider do on the computer?
Made his own web site

What do you call a cow eating grass in a yard?
A lawn mooer

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray

Answer 5

pick one of these
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Did you hear about the fish that went deaf?
He had to buy a herring-aid.
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What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed.
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What do sneezes wear on their feet?
Ahhh-shoes.
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What do get if you cross a parrot and a crocodile?
An animal that talks your head off.
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What happens when a T-Rex bites you?
You get a dino-sore.
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What does Santa say when he goes fox hunting?
Tally hohoho!
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What kind of monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon.
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How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
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What did the tree say to the mountain?
Stop peaking at me.
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What did the finger say to the thumb?
I'm in glove with you.
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How do you make a peanut laugh?
You crack it up.
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why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
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How do you make a witch itch?
Take away her W.
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There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.
The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.
Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.
They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.
Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"
"No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."

Answer 6

im not a very funny person but i really like the dead mokey 1 and the 7 "ate" 9 one good jokes! i really dont care about the 10 pts but i just got 2!

Answer 7

Why are fire engines red?..........
There are 12 inches in a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, Ships sail in the ocean, Fish swim in the ocean, Fish have fins, Fins fought the Russians, Russians are red, Fire engines are always rushin', so that's why fire engines are red!


What is purple, has wrinkles and goes slam, slam, slam, slam?

A four door prune!


What's black, lives in trees and goes rat-a-tat-tat? (Sorry the sound effect doesn't spell out well. Insert a better noise.)

Crows with machine guns.

Answer 8

a panda walks in to a resterauunt and get food, after hes done eating hes shoots the waiter and walks out. later the police come and wonder why a panda would do that. then a book nerd says, well it says right here in the dictionary: eats shoot leaves

Answer 9

Yo mamma is so fat that when Michael Jackson saw her he went "WOOHOO!!!" ran away screaming like a girl and the white off his face left and he regained his normal skin color.

He-he, my first attempt at an original joke.

:)

Answer 10

OK

There was a boy and his name was Bob. And he had homework, his homework was to write down five words.( he is in first grade). So he goes home and he asks his brother for a word, he says SHUT UP. So bob writes it down. He goes to his father while he is watching TV and asks the same question. He says BATMAN!. So he writes that down. then he goes to his sister and asks for a word. She says I DON'T CARE. so he writes it down. Then he went to his grandmother while she was counting eggs. She said 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. So he wrote that down. then he went to his grandfather and he said IN THE TRASH CAN. he wrote that down.

Then next day he went to school and the teacher told him to read his words. He said SHUT UP! the teacher said, " Who do you think you are". He said BATMAN!. then she said got to the Principal's office and he said I DON'T CARE! then the Principal said what is you phone number and the boy said 12345678. The principal said," where do you live". and the boy said IN THE TRASH CAN.