I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend is not my son's father. We were together for about 6 yrs, broke up, and he moved to TX. While he was there, I was dumb and slept with someone else. I went to Texas to visit shortly afterward, slept with him and decided I wanted to be with him. I discovered a couple of months later that I was pregnant, and every health care professional told me that my ex (in TX) WAS THE FATHER based on the sonogram, gestational age, etc. So that's what I believed. So my ex has been there since day 1, and loves our little boy more than anything in the world. I was having suspicion, however, because he is really starting to look like the other guy, so I had a paternity test done without my ex knowing about it. It said that it was NOT his. I don't know what to do. Should I tell him, and break his heart, crush him, and take away his reality, or should I keep it to myself, possibly causing a worse problem? He wants to marry me, but I am now with someone else. HELP
2006-08-01 10:47:49 · 11 answers · asked by annonymous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sweetie be honest. Because lying about it doesnt help it. Honesty is the best way let him know that you didnt know explain like you explained to us cuz it made perfect sense to me. If he doesnt understand fine you did all you could do which was tell him... And if you are with someone else then it doesnt matter if he should still want to marry you all that matters is the truth...TELL HIM GIRL
2006-08-01 10:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by Im da Example 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest with him now. Imagine something happening to the child, and he needs something ( blood, organs, or any "family" history ),and you have to turn to the Father for the help. It would hurt him so much more if he had prepared himself to help who he only thought was his own child.
Plus, the real Father has the right to now he has a son.
Talk to your new boyfriend, and very calmly tell him you have something very important about, but that you don't want it to change the life you have with him now.
If the real Father wants to go to where ever you are now from Texas, he should really be allowed to.
There's got to be a way for three adults to sit down together and figure out what's best for THE most important thing in each of your lives now.
Good luck with everything. ! Be brave, and know that you have to do what you have to do for the sake of your son.
2006-08-01 18:39:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First i don't know how a doctor would tell you who the father of your baby is without doing a paternity test? also how did you manage to get a sample of your exs blood or saliva to do this without his knowledge and am i wrong but don't you have to have himat the partenerty testing ? you have a lot of wholes in your story first you said in the beginning of your story you went back with him but at the end you said your with someone else. but your ex wants to marry you??? i think your the type of person that likes and craves drama in your life.... look just be honest with the man if you decide your going to marry him i wish i knew him and you so i could warn him to run the other way. you need help alright ...
2006-08-01 18:10:10 · answer #3 · answered by tinker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, and foremost, its not having what you want but wanting what you got. Why upset status quo? If youve got a good thing going with this guy, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you why not go with it. True, its dishonest, but then paternity tests arent always accurate either, so take the latter and move on and shove this one waaaaay back in the closet, or you can come clean,tell him the truth about what happened and tell him hes the one you want too for life. Not an easy solution but neither is what you did. Think about my opening sentence long and hard and makes sure what you want is really what you want. Be true to yourself first, then think whats best for the baby and go for it. And thank God for what could have happened not happening. Good luck
2006-08-01 18:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it will be on him he deserves to know the truth. Just because he isn't the blood father doesn't mean he isn't the father as he is the only man this child has known as daddy. You can not marry this guy and go on living this lie and have it come out later.
2006-08-01 17:54:29 · answer #5 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever seen Maury. If you don't tell him now it's going to come out sooner or later. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be. Better sooner thant later. You never know something could happen later down the road whereas they need to test the child for a genetic match and it could come out that way
2006-08-01 17:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by donise225 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to be honest with the non father and the birth father
some guys can handle it rather well and since he has been there from day one maybe he will be ok with it eventually but it will take time and may end the relationship but it is not right to keep lying to the guy when all he is doing is the right thing for what he believes
2006-08-01 17:54:47 · answer #7 · answered by mertzball71 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, keep it to yourself. The doctors have to keep it private, so you're really the only one that knows. Why ruin a good thing?
He loves the child, you love the child, the child loves you both. Just keep to yourself. It will only come out if you share it on the internet with everyone worldwide; otherwise, it stays a secret, and enjoy the good life.
If you love someone else, don't marry him. good luck.
2006-08-01 17:59:54 · answer #8 · answered by Ted Jordan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! See why you shouldn't be sleeping around? You have to tell him. Yes, you are going to hurt him but he already loves the child he thinks is his son.
What a mess!!!
2006-08-01 17:55:11 · answer #9 · answered by SthrnWay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is going to be hurt but it is up to him on what he does. have you told the real father yet?
2006-08-01 17:57:51 · answer #10 · answered by ~Saratini~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋