How sad is this and what can I do about it?

Question

I have a friend that is 17 years old. She had it really rough growing up. Her father and mother (mostly her father though) were alcoholics and drugatics. They didn't have alot of money either and only survived from the help of their family, but at one point it got to where they were living in this crappy trailer w/ no electricity, heat, running water....or anything and she had to use the bathroom outside on cement blocks and cook what little food they had on a kerosine heater. Now, she is very close to everyone in her family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins..) because at one point she has lived with them all. When she was 12 her grandmother died, 6 months later her uncle died, 6 months after that her dad died, then 8 months after that her papaw died and two dogs that she had grown up around. Now, these people she says were great, and caring people...even her alcoholic father. She says her father was so talented (played guitar, wrote music and poetry, drawed, painted..) and was a hard worker, if it wasn't for all the drugs. But the last year of his life her and her mom and rest of the family just had to get away from him. They figured if nothing else had worked so far, maybe letting him make it on his own will. And guess what, it did. He was homeless at first and lived an hour away from everybody...but I reckon he got saved and started going to school to be a physciatrist. The Christmas before he died she got to see him one last time. Then, he died on February 9th.
Ok, here's what I'm getting at. We were in U.S. history class and our teacher was talking about WWI and about closure (families being able to burry their loved ones). Later on she told me that that might have been closure for people back then, but it isn't for people today. She said she dreams about what it would be like if her dad had been a witness to some murder or something and had to go into hiding but was able to come back someday when they had caught everybody...sense you see alot of things like that on tv. Then she said she dreams about what it would be like if God would just turn back time for her, sense he has the power to do anything she prays for that every night. She says she thinks about this alot. It's been 3 years sense her dad died...how can I help her?

Yoda Green....don't be a jerk

Answer 1

That's really a hard question. Do things with her that are fun. Sounds like she needs a little fun in her life.

Just the fact that you know what she's been through and want to help, helps.

Keep on loving the way you do. The world needs all it can get of people like you.

Answer 2

'Closure' is a completely new idea of the last 10 years or so. It is normal to grieve for years when someone dies and no, it is never really over, you just learn to deal with the sad feeling until it goes on it's own and you can remember the happy times with the deceased person. Your friend's problem is that she didn't have that many happy times with her father as he was not with her due to being on drugs. She feels like her father had just started to 'see' her and then he died. She missed having a father in a way. She will have to come to terms with the fact that she missed out on the perfect relationship she wishes she had with her father and love him even though he's gone. She has had a hard life and this will be hard for her too. Just be there for her and listen. Be her friend and love her. That's all you need to do.

Answer 3

It is really sad. But if you think how difficult her childhood was, I think you agree that she must be a very strong person. And in this case she needs reminding of this fact. She still seems to have some problem, perhaps a kind of feeling of guilt or anger towards the person who had the most important influence on her. If she tried to think what this problem might be (perhaps in meditation, perhaps in prayer), she would find the answer and she would reach the next stage, forgiving. Forgiving to him and to herself ( at least for those thoughts). She should remind herself that at that particular situation they both did what they were able to, and surely not because they wanted to hurt the other. She will have to say to him (ceremoniously or not) I'm sorry and I forgive. And then the next thing is to say goodbye to him. It always does good if we remember all the good things we had and then say goodbye to the thing or person we have to part from. Releasing a little floating candle on the river nearby can be a suitable little ceremony for that. After this a kind of calmness comes which is very relieving. It has worked for me many times.

Answer 4

Show her this>
There are some unfinished things in your life which only the Lord Jesus Christ can finish for you. What you want is not more than 20 feet from you. You just tear up the Lord's heart little one.

We, you and I, live and move and breath inside of God!
Sweetheart, "The Lord will not take you back, but He will take you through." The enternal God created time but He does not live in time - time lives in Him.

You are right to believe that God can do anything. But God is not limited, like us, to rewinding a video tape. It would still play the same, since He has control of everything to start with. He knows the end from the beginning and He had the answer long before you had the question.

You want God to change your story? Here is how He does it.
Know that "All things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28. God alters the past by altering the future.

Here is how to pray the next week or so. Tell the Lord that you do not know what to pray for, and then just cry over it. Let yourself cry and groan over your hopes that seem hopeless. See God gave you those hopes. Hope inside you is part of His presence with you. His Spirit will pray for you; while you simply present your longing, hopes and pain wihout knowing how He will bring things to pass.

See tell God what you feel you want, or just cry out your need, but don't limit Him by telling Him how to do it. He has better answers than the television and movie writers ever dreamed..

Romans 8:28 says "...we know not what we sould pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."

I think from your friends story, that there is a calling in your heart. Your faith that God can work is certainly a gift from above.
I know this may be a lot, but read it over and let what I have said speak to you. This is about how to pray as few know.

Feel free to call on me. Your story touched me deeply. I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ lift you both on eagle wings.

Answer 5

We always want them back when they are gone.

It is good that she seems to have forgiven her father all the bad things he did. However, she needs to understand that her father was not on this earth for her. He was here to learn his own lessons and to be a part of her learning hers. Since his lessons are now over, it was time for him to move on, and that is a good thing. She should be very happy he got the chance to move on and in such a more positive light. Now she has to learn the lessons she is supposed to learn from the part he played in her life. She cannot do that if she is still wishing for him to come back.

The first thing she needs to do is to accept that he is gone forever, until they meet again in the next life. He will not come back and God will not change anything. God already made things happen the way they were supposed to happen. Now she has to learn. That is what life is all about, not what we want or who we want in it, but what God feels we need to learn from it.

It is hard to say good-bye and accept that that important person can no longer share your life, but there is a whole lot of life left to live here. While she is not only ignoring the lessons she is to learn from her father's death, she is also not learning anything else from life as all she does is think of the past, not the present. You can only live in the present.

Answer 6

This past February I lost one of my 2 children the youngest Christopher 27. The day before Father's Day in June I lost my biological dad. And we lost one more last month. It isn't easy. I agree search the web with her try to find a support teens group. Maybe she could join in on some of these questions and answers also and have lots of moral support to help her get through this. May God bless you for being there for her and May God bless her to find the peace that she is needing and the serenity.

Answer 7

Just be there for her take her to Youth Group. Get her involved with good people who are loving and supporting to her.

Sometimes a persons past is so horrible they can't look at it. Their sanity sometimes hangs on by a thread. After time, only God know how much she will be willing to give up her fantasy of what her life was really like. But never ever try to force her. It needs to be when she is ready. You can always pray that God will reveal to her His Love more and more.

Answer 8

My dad died when I was 10 years old and I wished for that alot & for a long time. She may eventually come out of it. I did, but it took me a long time. I would pray for her. I think it is okay for her to have this dream. However, if it becomes an "obsession" type thing, she may need counseling to work through it.

Answer 9

She probably needs to talk with a counselor. It sounds like you are being a good and supportive friend, but there are some pretty serious issues there for her to work through. Encourage her to get some professional help. There are lots of places that have low income fees, and often for teens there are other programs that she can go to.

Answer 10

The best thing you can do is just be a shoulder for this young lady. She just needs your friendship, love, and compassion. So, just be there for her to talk to, confide in, or whatever. I am sure you already do these things, so just continue being a good person, and support your friend in any way you think you can.