How do you deal with rude and mean step-fathers with a Christ like attitude?

Question

My step dad is so mean, he won't let me talk to him, or explain anything, he thinks you should just be quiet, and deal with him. He won't let me have any lights on in the basement, and all the windows are frosted. Please Help!!!!!!!

Answer 1

discuss it with your mom.

also, find out what you can do to gain his trust. Show yourself to be honorable and trustworthy and he will allow you to do more.

Answer 2

Why are you in the basement in the first place, and why ever would he not want lights on down there and why frosted windows?
I sincerely hope this is not what it sounds like, but, if it is, you need to get some help, quick.
Call children's protective services, or talk to a police officer or a teacher, or all three, and any other authority figure you can think of...keep telling people and telling people and telling people until someone listens.
Get help!!

Answer 3

Your step dad can be resenting the close relationship (I'm guessing) you have with your mom. He may be jealous of you in that way. You have known your mom for way longer than he has. Also he was probably brought up in the manner that he is trying to enforce on you. Peraphs when he was a child his father told him to be quiet and not interfere with adult conversations. This was probably what was thought to be a good respectful way for a child to act. He might of even forgot what it was like to be a teenager. As for no lights...he could be trying to show you that wasting electricity is like throwing money out the window. Every time a light is on or the water is running he's paying money. Now if he never lets you turn on the lights at night at all then he's just being mean. So hang in there and maybe talk to your mom about it. Also if you take a mature and respectable tone of voice with your step dad he might be willing to listen. You have to resist the urge to yell out. I know that's what you might feel like doing...but try not to. Try saying something like "Dad (or whatever you are calling him) I need to talk to you about some problems I am having in my life. I need your help to solve them." Talk about school and maybe some friends and then say how much it has helped you talking to him. Then maybe ask him why you feel that he doesn't like you and it's been bothering you, because you really look up to him as a father. You can't just come right out and say you do this or that your mean I don't like this or that about you. If you come right out and just lash out at how he's not a good step dad then he's going to look at it as disrespectful. Well I hope this helps you some.

Answer 4

You should always honor and respect your elders, however I don't see what you mean by "Christ like" God is God. He is perfect and always has your best interest in mind. This is why people are to do as he asks and follow his commandments. Because, in the end, it's in your best interest. Plus, you'll go to hell if you don't. Blame Adam and Eve for that!

Sounds like the step dad is being a little unreasonable. Unless someone is sleeping or something in the basement needs darkness (some animal?), I don't see what the problem with lights are. My dad didn't want us to leave lights on if we weren't in the room. This is normal. Not allowing you to turn the lights on when you need them is NOT normal. Go to your mother about this and see if she can talk some reason into him. If it's mom's house and she's paying the electric bill, then turn the lights on anyway I guess or go somewhere else for light. If it's his house and he's paying the electric bill then you should follow his rules. Most parents come across mean when they try to discipline their children. They don't mean it, they just want their children to grow up safely, and well behaved. Sometimes kids do things that are dangerous or wasteful or just bad behavior and parents are hard on them in order to get them to quit that behavior or whatever they're doing wrong. And, well, he doesn't have to talk to you. I mean, he should care about you if he cares about your mother. This is another place where "Christ like" doesn't fit. God wants you to talk to him. He wants all of us to talk to him, but it is US not HIM that refuses to talk. You won't hear him physically but you will see his answers as he guides situations from above. The best way to deal with this guy is to get your mom to talk to him about being more reasonable with the lights. Other than that, just try to keep your distance. Go in another room. Leave him alone. I had a mean dad too and 'till this day I still try to keep some distance. I moved out 6 years ago and it's all better now, but he wouldn't listen to reason then so I don't try and reason with him now even if I could. I'll do what he asks and I'll talk if he starts the conversation, but I don't go out of my way to see or talk to him. It's sad, but you never really heal from something like that. Parents, especially real parents need to hear their kids out. Even if they are going to disagree, they should at least give their kids a chance to talk. Unfortunately the real world isn't always like that and some parents give their kids too much room and they grow up irresponsible misfits. Most parents really want what is best for you and they do what they can. Since this guy isn't your real father, he may not care. In that case, distance. That's really your only solution. The more distance the better. I know it's harder in the summer because there is no school and it's harder to get away, but if you're old enough you can work and get away from him that way. Our dad didn't like us messing with the thermostat so I always turned it back before he got home. He didn't notice anything.

Answer 5

Jen,

You are a little to vague. Some of what you said sounds like standard pre-teen/teen agnst. otherthings makes me ask is something illegal/abusive going on.

If it is abusive or illegal call the cops. Dealing with foster care sucks but is better than being abused.

If it is just life. set your sights on graduation when you can move out on your own and try not to rock the boat. He sets the rules. He obviously does not want to discuss them. follow them and have peace in the house but not be the most popular kid or rebel have a miserable home life and not be the most popular kid.

Believe it or not no adult, who chooses to be a parent ,(step dad knew you came as part of the package) makes arbitrary rules. THere is experience and often wisdom in the rules that they enforce.

Answer 6

You're a good person for trying. But a Christ-like attitude doesn't mean having to be a door mat, or not have basic rights, like lighting, or being treated with respect. You need to talk with your mother. You have a right to be treated with basic kindness and decency and if your step father isn't going to do that, it's his problem, not yours.

Answer 7

Being as it is so hot out right now frosted windows sounds really cool. Christ didn't have a mean attitude.....did he? Can we hear his side of the story now? What is that humming sound? Oh.

Answer 8

That is not Christ like so u should act Christ like and if you do want to act in a Christ lik manner hear u go. If its with a Christ like attitude you should do what he did and although he was quiet when they were holding trail he also was standing his ground so i will say to hold your ground and just stay quiet lik the Lord did

Answer 9

I guess I'm not getting how he can be "mean and rude," and have a "Christ-like attitude" at the same time. The terms are contradictory. If he claims to be a Christian, but is mean to you, he is not behaving in a Christlike manner. What does your mom say?

Answer 10

Step father and daughter are one of the most difficult relationships around. Look at this as a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow through adversity and try to be understanding of him. That's what Jesus would do.

Answer 11

What do you mean that he won't let you have lights on in the basement?

If you are serious, you might want to call child protective services.