Is CHIVALRY sexist?

Question

so...I'm on the E-train coming home from manhattan during the nightime rush hour and I notice that at one stop the seats are allready taken. When we stop, a group, mostly women get on the train and some of them end up standing almost directly in front of me.
I notice that none of the guys sitting down are willing to give up their seats to young women.
There are a few women standing in front of me. A couple are Black, and a couple are White.
At this point I began to have a moral dilemma.
#1 I wondered, if I give up my seat, does it say that I think women are inferior to men and need to sit down because they can't stand.

#2 then I wonder, if I give up my seat will the women think I am playing favorites.
Would the Black woman think that I'm giving my seat to the White woman?
Would the White woman think I'm giving my seat to the Black woman?
Would either of them think I'm biased ?

#3 Will all of them think I'm a pig for not giving up my seat to either of them?

solution?

Answer 1

I read a question similar to this earlier today. Many of the men who answered said they'd give their seat only to an old woman, a pregnant woman, or a disabled woman.

I think it's very gentlemanly to offer your seat to a woman...period. I'm sort of old school that way--I like having my chair pulled out for me, car door opened, men stand when I leave the table, etc.

If this happens again, I would stand up, say to the women (while not making eye contact with any of them) something like, "Whoever would like this seat, please feel free."

I was on the train today and it was so incredibly crowded, nobody had to hang on to the rails...the fact that we were crammed together was enough to hold us up when we hit bumpy sections of track. I now know what it feels like to be a sardine. :) At any rate, I got on at my stop (along with roughly 200 other people) and of all the people sitting down in the car I was in, ONE man offered his seat to a woman. She stepped on the train before I did, so he offered it to her. No big deal...she was older than I was, slightly overweight and looked tired. I wasn't upset. Actually, I was very happy to see this man offer his seat to a woman. She smiled at him, I smiled at him, she looked at me, I looked at her and said, "I guess chivalry ISN'T dead afterall!" Then I proceeded to look at all the other men who were sitting down and gave all of them the Evil Eye.

Answer 2

Great question and might I add that it is great that you even think about it. A lot of men won't do anything for a woman! As far as giving your seat up, nah, we don't think you're treating us as we are inferior, just a gentleman. And if you offer your seat and we refuse, don't feel bad...it was kind of you to offer. People in general look at women as softer, more delicate creatures, whereas men seem to be tougher and harder.

Regarding the race issue; I think if you just look in the general direction of the females and ask...would anyone like to sit here...that should suffice. Otherwise, I'd go for the closest female (that way it doesn't appear to be a favorite) or quite possibly the one with the most "stuff" in her hands. I would even go so far as to say the woman who seems to be having trouble standing or even walking.

We don't think you're a pig for it. But I must admit if a guy walks ahead of me and cuts me off...I think he's rude. If he doesn't hold the door open, and not necessarily let me ahead of him, but just kind of reaches back and holds it while I walk in...I think he's rude. I even hold the door open for people.

It bothers me when people stare at others who are struggling for whatever reason and could have used the seat a little more than me or whomever.

To answer the first part of your question...no chivalry is NOT sexist...it's very sweet and makes a lot of women feel very good. My fiance better hold the door open for me or he gets a hit in the head..haha I'm j/j! :)

Answer 3

You think too much.

You should have just stood up and said to the group, "One of you can sit here if you'd like." Then whoever took the seat would take the seat, and you would have gotten major points with all of the ladies on the bus for being a gentleman. You then would have had a chance to be noticed and/or smiled at by any of the ladies on the entire bus.

But if you just sit there, then you are automatically demoted to the category with all of the other selfish inconsiderate guys who did nothing. So no points for you, sorry.

Answer 4

I think the best thing to have done would be to offer up your seat to the group as a whole. Let them decide who gets to sit down. Chivalry isn't sexist towards women at all. Being a woman means being capable of doing anything a man can do, but not having to. If anything, it's sexist towards men. We get special privileges. :) Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's simply being polite and showing respect for women, a group of people men should adore. ;)

Answer 5

An interesting thought you've had there.

Admittedly I don't tend to give up my seat on a bus or train unless it's an elderly person, in which case I see it as the polite thing to do.

If I were to be chivalrous, then I don't think it would be sexist. It would be gentlemanly-like. Some women might react as though you were being sexist but I can't imagine that would be the norm. Of course, if you vacate a seat, then it's up to whoever moves quickest to grab it....

Answer 6

I once gave up my seat to an older woman. She laughed and commented that she's not that old.
I'm female.
If a man (or anyone else) makes a genuine gesture of civility and offers his seat to me, I will take it-even if I don't feel like sitting down. And, I will express thanks.

About your dilemma: Offer your seat to one of the white girls and then stand next to one of the black girls and flirt with her. No one will know what hit them. The girls will spend days trying to decipher your intent.

Answer 7

Ain't the world of P.C. at total pain in the a**! Heck, by the time you finished contemplating all of these dilemmas, I'll bet you were almost at your stop anyway! I reckon you should have said "Look I am a big enough guy for any of you ladies to take a knee each, that way, there will be three people seated instead of just the one!"

Answer 8

Chivalry isn't a bad thing. I love having guys open doors and giving up seats, it shows that they're not so self-absorbed that they can't think of anyone but themselves.

You should have stood up because, while the women might defer the seat, it makes you stand out as a nice guy. As for the race thing, let them figure it out. It's not for you to decide.

Answer 9

More like you're a pig for not giving it up (my opinion). It is extremely impressive when a man gives his seat up for a woman. I think that really causes him to stand out favorably, whether he's trying to pick up on of the women. I wouldn't think any different if a man gave his seat up to a White, Mexican, Asian, Black, or whatever race. The only thing I'd be watching for is if he gives it up and if he gives it to the one closest to him, rather than playing favorites.

Answer 10

that's an excellent question. I usually do things when people have the courage to ask me to. If a woman feels so entitled to your seat but doesn't feel like politely asking you to let her sit down, I have a problem with getting up. That is just my viewpoint.