Will you please?

Question

Make me laugh...or smile even.

knock knock

who's there

come in

uhh ummm let me start over

What does a hurricane and a Texas divorce have in common???

huh huh uh? give up???

Either way somebody loses a trailer! HA!

anonimus, I don't get it!!!!!

I'm and idiot!!!

Answer 1

I cant make you laugh but you made me smile for the first time on my birthday!

Answer 2

Once upon a time...
There lived a king. The King had a
beautiful daughter, the Princess.
But the kingdom was a sad place.
There was no laughter, and no joy.
The problem was, that
everything the Princess touched would melt.
No matter what, metal, wood...
anthing she touched would melt!!
Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his
beautiful daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, "If your
daughter touches one thing that
does not melt in her hands, she
will be cured."
The King was overjoyed. The next
day, he held a competition. Any man
who could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt at her
touch, would marry her and inherit
the King's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first Prince brought a very hard
alloy of titanium.
When the Princess touched it, it
melted. The Prince went away sadly.
The second Prince brought a huge
diamond, thinking that diamond is
the hardest substance in the world
and will not melt.
But, alas, once the Princess touched
it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.
The third Prince approached. He
told the Princess, "Put your hand
in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The Princess did as she was told,
though she turned red.
She felt something hard. She held
it in her hand...and it did not melt!!
The King was overjoyed!
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!
And the third Prince married the
Princess and the both lived
happily ever after.

The question is?!?!?!?

What WAS the object in the Prince's pocket???















They were M&M's, of course.
THEY melt in your MOUTH,
NOT in your HAND!!
(What were YOU thinking?)

Answer 3

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think...

I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep,

he hears a strange sound. The next morning,

he asks the monks what the sound was,

but they say, We can't tell you.

You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway

and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down

in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him,

even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange noise

that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is,

but the monks reply, We can't tell you.

You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right

I'm dying to know. If the only way

I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk,

how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth

and tell us how many blades of grass there are

and the exact number of sand pebbles.

When you find these numbers,

you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task.

Some forty-five years later,

he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, I have traveled the earth

and have found what you have asked for.

There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass

and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations.

You are now a monk. We shall now show you

the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door,

where the head monk says,

The sound is right behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob,

but the door is locked. He says, Real funny.

May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it,

only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks,

who provide it. Behind that door is another

door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through

doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say,

This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door,

turns the knob,

and behind that door

he is amazed to find

the source of that strange sound is...

But I can't tell you what it is because

you're not a monk.♥

Answer 4

The teacher was giving a lesson to a class of 8-year-olds in a Dublin Primary School. She said to them: ‘Today I am going to tell you a story with a moral and when I am finished I will ask you all to tell a similar one. A farmer collected 100 eggs from his hen houses and prepared to have them hatched. After the first day, he arranged to sell them all when the chickens were three weeks old and took payment from the customer. However, when the eggs hatched, he found that almost forty were infertile and did not produce a chicken. He therefore could not deliver the 100 chickens he had sold and lost a lot of money. The moral of this story is: never count your chickens before they are hatched’.

The children sat not saying a word then the teacher spoke. ‘Right then boys and girls, who will tell me a story with a moral’.

Little Paddy stood up and began: ‘During the war my granddad got blown up and was in a big hole in the ground and all he had was his gun, bullets, his bayonet and two bottles of whiskey. It got cold so he opened up one bottle and drank a whole lot of the whiskey. When he done that, he opened the other and drank that one as well. After a while a whole lot of Germans came over the hill. Granddad took his gun and shot loads of them. He then got up and charged with his bayonet and stabbed a load more, killing the whole lot. That’s the end of my story’. The teacher waited, but Paddy sat down. ‘But Paddy’ she asked ‘ what is the moral of your story’. Paddy stood up again and said ‘That’s easy Miss, my dad says never fu*ck around with granddad when he’s pissed’.

Answer 5

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

Answer 6

Do you really want to know how I make you smile or laugh? I force your mouth open.

Well, lemme see... I know one.

A person said to his doctor " Doctor, I don't know why, but people keep insulting my mother and they don't respect her"
The doctor said " Hmmm... lets see if we can find why. First, What´s your job?"
The person replied " I am a soccer refferee."


haha, get it???

Answer 7

itz a little kiddy joke but i'm trying 2 help it waz master p shaggy and brittney spears in the club some one passed gass masterp said unh nanana shaggy said it waz'nt me and brittney spears said oops i did it again

Answer 8

do you grow corn close to your house because that was cornnnny. are you the hurricane or the divorce

Answer 9

What are U trying to do, be funny? Well U were so funny I forgot to laugh.

Answer 10

Good joke wish I knew one to tell you. I don't know jokes cuz I'm too depressed...you keep making me laugh......