He won't marry me becuse he has been hurt too many times, I am Christian, (so is he) and believe we should marry. He says we are married in our hearts and it is good enough for God...What should i do? i really love him
2006-08-01 09:56:53 · 32 answers · asked by trekkie2059 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Leave. Find someone who loves you enough to marry you. Don't lose yourself to keep a man - ever. You believe in marriage, if he doesn't that is his problem. Don't settle. You would be surprised how many men out there want nothing more than to settle down with a good Christian woman.
You may love him, but you have to start loving you too.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.
2006-08-04 16:26:48 · answer #1 · answered by HoneyB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am Christian and I have been hurt a few times. The best thing to do is to pray and ask God what he wants for us. My answer was that I shouldn't punish someone else for what others did to me. That is not fair. It also doesn't allow for others to answer your prayers. I just prayed that the Lord would lead me to someone who would support my walk with Him. My prayer was answered, I found my husband. If you have these strong doubts, it may be that this person is not who you should marry. If your boyfriend is Christian, ask him why he doesn't believe you have to be married. It sounds contradictory: he says he won't marry you because he has been hurt too many times, but says that you are "married in your hearts". It is contradictory, do you see? It sounds manipulative.
I know you love him, but if you want to be married, it may be that he is not the right one. You cannot change him, just pray that the Lord will change his heart.
God bless.
2006-08-01 10:18:17 · answer #2 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't marry you, honey, MOVE ON. Since you are a Christian, you don't want to run the risk of living in sin by either just living with him, or having sex with him forever without marriage. Find a good Christian man closer to your age who will want to get married eventually. I know that age can be just a number, but it will be easier to find a man who will want to marry around your own age because he won't have so many years of pain behind him. That being said, if you truly care for this man, you can remain friends in Christ. But I wouldn't suggest continuing a romantic relationship with him any further. If you do, then both your morals will end up corrupted, and you won't be ready when the Lord takes his people up to Heaven.
2006-08-01 10:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore advice that says "If you really love each other it won't matter whether you are legally married or not." You can love him and therefore want to commit your life to him yet not sin.
Also ignore advice telling you to wait around. If he's 19 years older than you, he's old enough to know what he wants. Don't wait around. You'll kick yourself after 10 years and you're still not married and don't have kids, or let's say you wait until you're too old to have kids. Or almost as bad, what if he marries you out of guilt or pressure when he doesn't really want to? That would make you both unhappy.
Pray, seek God. He'll probably tell you to get out now.
2006-08-01 10:07:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on. You probably need a counselor to help you do this. As a Christian you should never allow yourself to be unevenly yolked or enslaved. That is what he is doing. He is asking you to carry his baggage regardles of whether it is good for you. I suspect you have already engaged sexually with him so he doesn't have to mary you to get sex. You have sworn you devotion to him so he doesn't have to marry you to have your loyalty, obiedence and chastity. He is right you have alreadt married him but he has only enslaved a concubine. He will probably never marry you or if you trick/convince him to it will not last because he is not committed or dedicated to the marriage he just wanted to shut you up and get his own way in the end.
Tell him you love him but must do it from a distance.
2006-08-01 10:17:46 · answer #5 · answered by mike g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to get married and he doesn't, then find someone else who wants to get married. Don't try to "change" him or "trap" him in the hopes he'll "change his mind". He's been honest with you, the least you can do is be honest with him.
I don't know how old you are, but IMHO if you're in your late teens or early 20s and you're dating a guy who's 19 years older than you are, there's WAY too much of a life-experience gap between you guys and you should be with someone who is closer to your own age and level of life experience anyway.
2006-08-01 10:04:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That whole "I've been hurt too many times before" line really pisses me off. Think of who you are hurting just by saying that.
If he loved you, you wouldn't be able to keep him from the altar. You need to talk to him about what your relationship means and what marriage means to you. Of course he has been hurt before!!! We all have and we will continue to be!! That doesn't change the fact that when you want to show the ultimate committment (and the option is open for you), then you take those vows. He hadn't met "the One" - you! Now that he has, I'd think he would jump at the chance to do it all right.
2006-08-01 10:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage isn't just about love. Marriage is the public commitment of oneself to one's spouse for life. It's essentially saying to your beloved, "I will never leave you until the day I die." If he doesn't think he can make that kind of commitment, then he's not the one for you. Or, if he doesn't trust that you can make that kind of commitment to him, then he's got some trust issues that he needs to deal with.
Whatever the case, there is no such thing as "married in your heart." Either you make a real commitment, or you're faking it to get the benefits. Don't let him take advantage of you, and make sure that if he does agree to marry you that he's sincere about the commitment he says he's going to make.
2006-08-01 10:04:16 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
babe, you have come to a turning point in your life. You have to decide whether the love in your heart now will be better than the love for the rest of your life. If you want to get married, and he does not, then you have to think about your life in the future. A future of no hope, no marraige and no children. He has to want to marry you and that comes from his heart. He has to learn to trust his heart. There is only one true answer and you know where to get that answer.....pray and the answer to come to you. Trust in Him and His devine ways to help you with your relationship. He will find the way !!!
2006-08-01 09:59:45 · answer #9 · answered by daddydoggie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st off, how many times could this 19-year-old boy have been married? My guess is zero, so his little whine about being hurt is bunk.
He says it's good enough for God? What about you? If he loves you, what you want will be important.
2006-08-01 10:03:40 · answer #10 · answered by gg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋