Me, wife, baby, and 15 yr old brother in law live together. Wife and him lost mom 2 yrs ago, he has been disrespecting sis more lately. Says we treat him bad but he has a lot of support from us and just uses moms dead as an excuse. Found out he hangs out with group of friends and drinks at there house. He ran out this morning mad and swearing because sis sais she was going to change him to another school. I understand he lost him mom but I don't buy that is the reason he is doing this. He was acting up even before she passed away, we even tought this would motivate him to do better in memory of her. Counceling & church are not an option, just trust me it won't help. We are thinking military school or have him get a job to keep him busy and help with responsibilities. Any other good suggestions. Please help before I end up in jail...I can only toerate so much even though I am not his father. Never had a son and never acted up this way so I am kind of lost.
2006-08-01 09:55:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It could have some to do with his mom dying. Even if he was doing this before hand, this could have pushed him further. His friends, the bad influences, are the people that he can reach out to and they can "understand" him. Have you guys tried having him and his friends at your house, maybe a friend that you guys trust? Where is his dad, if I can ask? Maybe he's needing a male role model. Have you tried doing something with him, just the two of you - maybe that would help him open up. Taking him from his school, friends, things he knows may cause him to lash out more. Why do you say church and councelling won't work? By the sounds of it, he's had a rough childhood. That has a HUGE impact on the teenage years. He needs stability, consistency, and someone to lean on. Try to put yourself in his shoes. It's easier for your wife to know how he feels, but you are a guy, and with that, he may open up to you more. I hope this helps. If you need to talk, or whoever, feel free to email me. Aymeesmama04@yahoo.com
2006-08-01 10:05:20 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't really know a lot about losing people but I do know a lot about 15 year old boys. Because I am a 15 year old girl. Anyway, I think that what this kid really needs is some attention. I know you said that you think you are giving a lot of suport, but what I think he really needs are parents right now. You need to try and talk to him one on one. I know this seems hard but let him know that you really care and are concerned about him. Spend some time with him if you can. Do things that are good as a family and make sure he has a good time. I know it might take awhile, but losing someone can be really hard. Maybe he does really have some issues about that. Talk to him about it. If you or him don't feel comfortable talking to eachother, then find some that does. If you can't learn to talk to each other then you probably have already failed him. Be a parent and not just a friend, even though you really aren't his parent, you are his guardian.
2006-08-01 17:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by malohalo_89 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has issues that need to be taken care of. I think sending him to military school or out of state right away will only make the problem worse unless you give him proper warning. I think he doesn't have any fear at all of you and your wife's authority and you need to make it known that if he's in your house, he needs to abide by your rules, and respect you OR there will be consequences.
I would sit him down and talk to him with the family and let him know that you are not going to take any more of his BS and he has until next month to straighten his life out or you're going to send him to military school. Also, if you catch him drinking in the house, you will call the police and he'll have to pay the consequences himself. Don't give him a lot of money, if he wants to buy stuff, he can find a part-time job and learn that the real world has no place for kids like him who act up. Everytime he blames you or your wife, you should ignore him. If he wants to be treated like an adult, then he should act like one.
Good luck! Cheers to tough love!
2006-08-01 17:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all some of it is the age. Has anyone talked to him about his mother's death and how he feels. It sounds like his group of friends are not the best for him right now. He may be into drugs and alcohol. My step-daughter went through this trying to get attention. Please take time to talk to him. Let him vent out a little and really listen to what he has to say. I would tell him what you are expecting of him and let him know that you are here to help not to go against him. Sounds like he is dealing with the death in a really bad way.
2006-08-01 17:06:05 · answer #4 · answered by lrybio2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like what he needs is a good @&& kickin. =) 15 year old's naturally rebel and so this is when you should step up and try to fill what he's missing in his life. He's obviously trying to forget about what he's stressing about by drinking so sit him down and have a good man to man talk with him. He'll appreciate the fact that you are concerned about his feelings and having a positive male role model in his life is always a good thing.
2006-08-01 17:19:00 · answer #5 · answered by Richard S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you say that counseling is not a option, if its a money issue you can find services that are low cost to even free. Look in you phone book and you can find support groups that deal with teenagers who have lost loved ones. just give it try before you say no. Best of luck..
2006-08-01 17:02:48 · answer #6 · answered by sunniej1977 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Military school or boot camp (they have that here for wanna be thugs)...
You can only do so much, and you have a baby of your own to worry about---an unhappy household is NOT healthy for your child ya know...
Tell the kid here's the rules (make them simple--4 should do it), disobey them and you are out the door. AND THEN DO IT.
Mom died, my parents divorced, blah blah blah it's all the same they recycle it in school and use it on us "parents"...
Do him a favor and give him the ultimatum, military school or our rules. Our rules or you're out. Once you're out, you don't come back in. Hope you have money.
2006-08-01 17:07:44 · answer #7 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 points
2006-08-01 17:20:52 · answer #8 · answered by fungurllallthatime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i understand how he feels ....im 14 and when i had to move away from my sisters the whols family fell apart and my 16 year old sister was so depressed about it she just stoopped careing about anything...so i say dont worry about it he will get over it when the time is write...my sister has stated smokeing and doing drugs and stuff like that but i still love her and hopeing she will stop...just talk to him and see wut he is going trough
2006-08-01 20:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by adio_skater_girl0072002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Military school.
2006-08-01 16:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋